I Found Her
by lexaisgay
Summary: Clarke Griffin is welcomed into Arkadia high, She makes some really good friends, and falls in love with one of the schoos "players" Lexa Woods. Lexa Woods falls madly in love with Clarke but won't let anyone close enough to love her back. Their hearts ache for one another, can Lexa overcome her fears? Or will she let Clarke go... (I'm terrible with summaries)
1. Chapter 1 - First Day

Chapter One – First Day

5:30 am and Clarke was already awake and stressing about her first day at Arkadia high. The 16 year old sat on the edge of her bed, palms sweating, packing her bag with the things she needed, including her sketch book. Clarke was a very talented artist, at her last school she had won awards for her impressive art work, art always made her feel calm, it was her happy place.

Clarke heard a knock at her bedroom door "come in" she says as she zipped up her bag, her palms still sweating. She wiped them on her clothes and proceeded to stand up as her mother walked in.

"Hey, sweetie, you ready for your first day?" Her mother knew Clarke was super nervous, she knew Clarke was quite upset for having to move away from their previous home, leaving her friends and the rest of their family behind. But Clarke knew what this new job meant for her mom, its not easy, but she knew that it would make her mother happy, and that's all she ever wanted for her mother after her father passed away just 2 years ago.

"Yeah, I guess" Clarke gave a half smile. No. She wasn't ready. But there was nothing she could really do about it. _Maybe it will be okay, maybe I will make some great friends._ She thought. She picked up her bag.

"You'll do great, kiddo" her mom pulled her into a hug and kissed her on the forehead. "I made some pancakes, so come downstairs when you're ready, okay?"

Clarke smiled again as she watched her mother walk out of her room. She really did love her mom's pancakes, they certainly were the best. Clarke sighed, she was in for a long day. She looked at herself in the mirror, making sure she looked at least half decent, wanting to make a good impression. She'd chosen to wear blue denim shorts, a white tank top, with a blue jacket tied around her waist and of course her white converse sneakers. Her hair was slightly wavy and fell perfectly around her face and shoulders. She took a deep breath, and walked out of her bedroom door.

* * *

"LEXA!" Anya was screaming at her roommate/best friend for like the hundredth time this morning. Lexa just didn't want to get up, she wasn't a morning person and had slept through all of her alarms. "GET THE FUCK UP LEXA I DON'T WANT TO BE LATE AGAIN" Anya threw a pillow at Lexa's head.

Lexa opened her eyes slightly and saw Anya standing there with her arms crossed. "Chill Anya, I won't take long to get ready" she said quietly, still half asleep. She knew that she would in fact take quite some time to get ready, she always did. That was just Lexa.

Anya was always like this. Always making sure Lexa was ready on time, always stressing about Lexa. She wasn't only Lexa's best friend but she was also like a sister to her. Anya was really close with Lexa's family, Lexa's parents had passed away when Lexa was 8, Anya at the time, 9. That's when Lexa went to live with Anya and Anya's uncle Gustus. Lexa is now 17 and Anya 18, they have been sharing a small apartment for 6 months now after Gustus moved away with his new wife. The girls didn't mind, they were happy for him. They were bound to move out sooner or later anyway.

Lexa got ready while Anya made breakfast for them. Nothing special, just cereal. They couldn't afford much even though Anya had a part time job. They never realised how hard living on their own would be. But they were coping.

Lexa had decided to wear her ripped black skinny jeans, and her favorite band tee. She slipped on her black converse sneakers., packing her bag with the books she needed for the day. Her hair was naturally perfect, she had it down most of the time and a lot of the times had a few braids in her hair.

"HURRY UP AND EAT LEXA IM WAITING" Anya was yelling again. Lexa rolled her eyes in response.

"Don't worry, I'm not hungry" Lexa hardly ever ate breakfast anyway. " I'll just grab a coffee on the way to class" Anya shook her head.

"Well, come on the Lex, we don't have all morning" Anya grabbed her keys as they walked out the door.

* * *

Clarke expected this. People to stare and whisper things to each other as she walked into her new school. She tried her best to ignore it. As she reached her locker, she opened it and started putting some things away.

Clarke started walking to her first class, eyeing all the numbers on the doors. That's the problem with new schools, you have no fucking idea where anything is. She was interrupted when someone bumped into her, causing her to drop her books and phone on the floor. _Shit_ was her first thought. She didn't take much notice of the person, she was more worried about the condition of the phone. She picked it up. _You have got to be fucking kidding me._ Clarke noticed the big crack running across her phone screen. "Seriously? My mom's going to kill me" she said, forgetting about the person that she had just bumped into and the books that she had dropped.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry" this particular girl handed Clarke her books back "I wasn't watching where I was going, I'm sorry, are you okay? Is your phone okay?" Clarke looked at the girl once she realized she was talking to her. "Sorry, Im Raven" The girl held out her hand, initiating a handshake. Clarke took her hand. "And you are?"

"Clarke. Clarke Griffin" She looked at her phone again, remembering how bad it was. She knew her mom probably couldn't afford to get it fixed at the moment. Clarke looked back at Raven.

"I can fix that for you, you know" Raven said as she took the phone from Clarke. "For free, I mean I am the one who bumped into you it's the least I could do" Raven smiled.

"Really?" Clarke was confused as to how Raven was going to magically fix her phone.

"Yeah, I'm Raven, I can fix anything" Raven winked and gave a bit of a laugh. "It's okay blondie, your phone will be fixed by lunch I promise"

"You don't have to, it was only an accident I can pay to get it fixed myself, no big deal" Clarke didn't want to put Raven through any trouble.

"Shhh, I've got this" Raven smiled at Clarke again. "Hey you should come hang out with us at lunch. You're new right? You've probably got no friends" Clarke felt somewhat offended.

"I've got friends!" Clarke sighed. "Just not here"

The bell rang. Raven smiled "See you soon, Clarke" Clarke smiled and nodded as she once again tried to find the right number classroom.

Raven seemed pretty nice, maybe she had made a friend already.

Clarke had finally found her classroom, walked in and sat in the chair in the back left corner.

* * *

It had been 15 minutes since class started, Lexa had gotten a coffee before class which made her late. There's no surprise there though, the teachers were used to it. She walked into her English class, the teacher gave her a small glare as she sat down. Lexa noticed the blonde sitting beside her. She hadn't seen her before at all, and realised she must be a new student.

Clarke looked at the brunette that had just walked in. _Oh my god_ she thought _, she is so pretty._ Clarke shook her thoughts away and began to pay attention to what their teacher was saying.

Another 5 minutes and Clarke couldn't help it, she looked at the girl again. More than once. The whole session she just kept placing her eyes back on the cute girl. _Get a hold of yourself Clarke, god._ She almost went bright red when Lexa caught her starring. Lexa gave Clarke a small smile before looking back down at her work. Clarke smiled back and was slightly embarrassed. The bell rang and before Clarke knew it the Brunette was out the door.

* * *

"Clarke..Clarke! Over here!" Clarke turned around after putting her belongings away in her locker. She saw Raven smiling. Clarke was relieved, she wasn't quite used to the school and knew she had to find Raven at some point. Walking over, Clarke noticed Raven was standing with another person, a girl with amazing bone structure.

"Clarke! Meet Octavia" The stranger smiled.

"Hey" Clarke felt a little awkward.

"Hi Clarke, Raven told me how you two met?" Octavia laughed slightly "Raven's a little clumsy, especially when she's in a rush to do things"

"Hey! I made a breakthrough with my project, O! I was excited!" Octavia rolled her eyes while grinning at her best friend, her friend was always working on 'some project' she was such a nerd. Raven had turned to Clarke. "And I fixed your phone, good as new" Raven handed the phone over to Clarke. She was impressed with Raven's work.

"Thanks!" Clarke put her phone in her pocket. "Really Raven, Thanks"

"Don't mention it, Blondie" Raven winked. Clarke noticed that Raven winked at her a lot, she told jokes and made people laugh. Raven was pretty full of life, can be very sarcastic, and just a really great person to be around in general.

"Come on guys, I'm hungry" Octavia was whining, while she held her hand over her stomach as she felt it grumble. "I think I might die from starvation if I don't eat right now"

"O, I literally just saw you sneaking food in class" Raven turned towards her.

"Gals gotta eat" Octavia smiled while Clarke and Raven both laughed.

Raven invited Clarke to sit with them at lunch, Octavia and Raven were also friends with two boys, Jasper and Monty. Clarke was pleased at the offer, she had been so afraid this morning that she wouldn't make friends. Clarke learned that Jasper was a game freak, talked about gaming 24/7. Monty was the same, but seemed a lot more intelligent than Jasper. The two argued about COD while Clarke spoke to the girls more. They talked about all sorts of things like their classes, ex boyfriends and girlfriends, Clarke even spoke about her artwork, while Octavia rambled on about her soccer team. Raven spoke of her part time job as a mechanic and Clarke was impressed with Ravens knowledge on how to fix nearly absolutely everything. Clarke felt comfortable with these two girls already, it just felt natural, you know?

"So tell us Clarke, have you made any other friends besides us?" Raven was curious.

Clarke shook her head. "No, I have been keeping to myself the whole day really" Although there was one girl Clarke wanted to be friends with, it seemed odd because she didn't even speak to the girl, she just thought she was pretty cute. _I wonder if she'll be in any of my other classes._

 _"_ Hello? Earth to Clarke!" Clarke heard Octavia's voice and jumped out of her thoughts, not knowing how long she had zoned out for. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry, just daydreaming" Clarke was a little embarrassed and gave an awkward laugh "It's been a long day" _wrong Clarke you were thinking about that girl again._

* * *

It was the end of the school day Lexa was walking out of the school, meeting up with Anya as they walked out together.

"Did you see that new girl around?" Lexa was curious, she thought the blonde was beautiful. Lexa was a total sucker for Blondes, but she never did relationships, not after her ex girlfriend, Costia. Lexa was only into what you would call a 'friends with benefits' kind of thing. She never liked to get too emotionally involved, she had been hurt too many times.

"What new girl?" Anya's brow furrowed.

"Never mind" Lexa quickly pushed any thoughts of the girl out of her mind. It was stupid to be thinking about girls. _She only smiled at you Lexa what the fuck get a grip._

The two had reached their car and started driving home. Lexa turned the radio up when she heard AC/DC playing. Today was Monday and Lexa was happy. Monday nights consisted of boxing, which she was very good at and enjoyed immensely.

11pm Clarke was in bed thinking about her first day. _It wasn't too bad at all, in fact I kind of enjoyed it._ Sherolled on her side and grabbed her phone as she heard it buzzing. She noticed Raven had added her into their friends group chat.

 **Raven 11:01pm** : Welcome to our group, Clarke

 **Octavia 11:01pm** : Raven wtf its so late go to sleep

 **Raven 11:02pm** : Masterminds don't sleep, O

Clarke smiled. She felt like she was already good friends with these two.

 **Clarke 11:02pm** : Thanks guys, Goodnight. See u tomorrow x


	2. Chapter 2 - Crush

Chapter 2 – Crush

A week had passed and Clarke had found herself well settled into her new home and school. She was getting along with almost everyone at Arkadia High, and had become really good friends with Raven, Octavia, Jasper and Monty. Although Jasper could be a fool most of the time, she tolerated him. Oh and another thing, she was still thinking about that girl. That brunette with the mesmerizing green eyes. Thing is, she hasn't even spoken to her yet. A few small smiles were shared between the two, but Clarke was too afraid to say hi. Clarke thought the girl might bite her head off or something, she noticed the other girl kept to herself most the time and hung around with older students. Clarke gathered that she must be a bit of a rebel. _But she's so fucking cute,_ these were Clarkes constant thoughts. She even found herself drawing this particular girl in one of their classes. _I'm a fucking creep but I can't help myself._ Clarke was just adding in the final detail of the drawing of the girl. She's never done this before, she just thought the girl was so beautiful, she wanted to capture her. Like the way she paints oceans and trees and sunsets, this girls beauty was nothing compared to anything else Clarke has ever drawn. Clarke was startled by the school bell. This meant home time. Clarke was relieved, she stretched as she closed her sketchbook.

"Hey" Clarke turned around to find that particular girl actually speaking to her. Clarke dropped her books, she was a nervous wreck. Bending down to pick up her things, the girl helped, all the other students had left the room already. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you" Lexa laughed. _Ugh that laugh_ Clarke shook herself out of her thoughts once again.

"S..Sorry, I.. I just didn't expect you..ah" Clarke let out a nervous chuckle. _Why is she speaking to me._

 _"_ Clarke? Isn't it?" She nodded. "Im, Lexa" Lexa stared into Clarkes eyes, adoring the color of ocean blue. Lexa's pretty confident around girls, and most knew _or thought_ she was a player. Clarke was still lost for words. They were staring at each other for what Clarke felt was 5 minutes, but was nothing more than 30 seconds. "Sorry ahh.." Lexa proceeded with what she came to ask Clarke to start with. "The notes from biology, do you mind if I borrow yours?" Lexa smiled. "I don't usually ask anyone but biology is the worst and I skipped last class"

Clarke nodded "Of.. Of c..course" Clarke tried to shake herself out of her nervous trembles. She laughed in the realization of how stupid she must sound. _Be confident Clarke jesus christ._ She cleared her throat. "Follow me, they're just in my locker" she sounded more confident. Lexa smiled at the blonde while she followed her to her locker.

Lexa was walking slightly behind Clarke, and her eyes had _accidentally_ dropped to the blondes ass. Lexa bit her bottom lip and smiled, _im going to hell_ , she quickly walked up next to the blonde. "So how do you find Arkadia High so far?" Lexa asked.

"I quite enjoy it, actually" Clarke smiled and Lexa was enjoying the sound of the blondes voice, low and husky. "I've made some pretty cool friends already"

They had reached Clarke's locker. She had handed Lexa her biology notes, their hands slightly touching while she handed them over, Clarke blushed a little and hoped that Lexa didn't notice. "Thanks again, Clarke, means a lot" Clarke smiled. "I'll give them back to you tomorrow morning, promise" With that Lexa left, Clarke stared at the girl until she was out of sight. She then sighed while she rested her forehead against the lockers. _Worst crush ever._

"CLARKE!" She jumped at the sudden loud calling of her name, she turned around and rolled her eyes at a laughing Raven.

"Raven are you fucking kidding me, you scared the living daylights out of me" Raven still laughing, not realizing how much she actually did startle Clarke.

"Sorry" She giggles for a few seconds longer. "What are you doing after school?"

"Studying, what else?" Clarke was so over studying. Art was her favorite class, as expected, so her art homework would be easy to complete. But she still had English and Psychology work to be done.

"Come study with me and O at my house. We can watch a movie once we're done" Raven smiled.

"I'd like that, just as long as you two don't distract me because I seriously need to get this work done by tomorrow or I'll get a Saturday detention" Clarke swung her backpack over her shoulder, ready to go. The girls started walking out of the school.

As they were walking the girls met up with Octavia. They were having a conversation while Octavia waited for her brother to pick her up. After about 5 minutes, Clarke noticed two guys walking towards them.

"Hey ladies" they seemed too confident for their own good. One of the boys winked at Clarke while he continued to walk closer to her, he smiled. "Hey princess, Im Finn, and you are?" Clarke felt a little uneasy. _What a tool._

"Never going to happen!" Raven pushed her way through and pushed the boy away from Clarke. "Get lost, jerk!" Clarke was confused as to what was happening.

"Guys calm down!" The other boy spoke.

"Lincoln, why do you still hang around with him?" Octavia seemed a little mad. She had feelings for Lincoln, he was a nice guy, Octavia could never understand just why he was friends with Finn.

"What's the matter Raven, still not over what happened between us?" Finn was smirking. And before he knew Ravens fist had connected to his nose and blood was gushing out everywhere.

"Bitch!" Finn was in pain and held his hands over his nose. Lincoln looked at him and shook his head "And you wonder why I fucking cheated on you, you're psycho!" Raven was amused at the sight of the boy in pain but so infuriated at the words coming from the boys mouth.

Meanwhile Clarke was in utter shock as to what was happening, and quickly worked out that Finn was a total douchebag.

"Dude, shut the fuck up!" Even Lincoln had started to get irritated with Finn. "You can be a total ass sometimes" Lincoln looked at Octavia. "I'm sorry, I'll message you later". Octavia nodded in response and smiled. The two boys quickly walked away, Finn still holding his hands over his nose, Raven had definitely broken it.

"Are you okay, Raven?" Clarke was concerned. Raven just nodded, her jaw clenched, and both Clarke and Octavia gave Raven a sympathetic smile.

* * *

Lexa was sweating and held her hands above her head trying to catch her breath. She had been boxing for the past two hours. "Great work, kid, you're a champion!"

Lexa smiled. "Thanks coach!" She grabbed her water and took a few gulps. Anya walked in.

"Ew gross, you're sweating like crazy" Anya kept her distance from Lexa.

"Oh really? I didn't notice" Lexa's sarcasm was sharp and Anya smiled.

Lexa chucked on her favorite red hoodie and gathered her things. The two girls walked out and got in the car.

"How was work?" Lexa asked, as Anya started the engine.

"Same, Same" Anya sighed. "But I get paid so its okay"

Lexa nodded. She felt bad that she didn't contribute to the payments of their apartment, but Anya insisted she focus on her school work and knew that Lexa loved boxing so much and didn't want her to give it up. Anya only wanted Lexa to be happy, after everything she had been through.

"So I saw you talking to that new girl today" Anya smiled knowing Lexa hardly ever talks to random girls, unless she wants something, and usually that something was sex. Most girls knew if Lexa was talking to them she was only looking for a 'good time' and if that's all they were looking for too, Lexa would start seeing them. Most of these girls only lasted from 3 days to a week. Lexa believed she was incapable of being loved, that's why she never invested her feelings into anyone.

Lexa smirked. "Yeah, and?"

"Is she your new toy?" Lexa shook her head.

"No, way" Anya raised her eyebrow.

"She seems your type, very pretty, blonde.."

"She's too fragile.." Lexa cut in.

"How do you know?"

"I just do" Lexa never liked to hurt anyone just as much as she didn't like being hurt. _Clarke is beautiful, but someone like me doesn't deserve someone like that_.

Anya dropped the conversation when she realized Lexa was getting slightly irritated. "What do you want to eat?"

Lexa was starving and was glad Anya asked the question. "Burgers, I want Burgers" Lexa knew exactly what burgers too, her favorite ones from the restaurant called Grounders.

"Grounders it is then" Anya knew what burgers Lexa wanted and smiled.

* * *

"Finally!" Clarke slammed her textbook closed. She had been studying for hours with Raven and Octavia, the other two seemed to finish before Clarke and were waiting.

"Bout time, the pizza will be here any minute and we can watch our movie" Raven had ordered a pizza for them to share.

Clarke noticed Octavia smiling at her phone like an idiot, Clarke was amused and nudged Raven. They both snorted and laughed at the girl. Octavia looked up. "Shut up!" Her cheeks began to go red.

"Lincoln?" Raven asked even though she knew. Octavia nodded and smiled a little.

"Was that the guy with Finn?" Clarke was confused. Why did Octavia like someone who hung around with a fuckboy, someone that clearly hurt Raven.

"Lincoln claims that he can't just stop being friends with Finn because they have been best friends since they were 10" Raven rolled her eyes. "I don't care, anyway."

The doorbell rang, Raven was relieved, she was over the conversation they were having. She grabbed the pizza and they all sat on Ravens bed. Clarke and Octavia got comfortable.

"What movie? Jaws or Nightmare on Elm Street?" Clarkes brow furrowed.

"Horror movies? Really?" Clarke hated horror movies. _Guess I won't get sleep tonight._

 _"_ Yeah they're the best!" Raven smirked.

"Nightmare on Elm Street" Octavia had already seen Jaws like a million times and wasn't in the mood for it.

Raven put the movie on and the girls started eating their pizza. Clarke was trembling inside, she was a big baby when it came to horror movies but she tried her best not to show it.

* * *

Lexa was in bed while she had her laptop laying on her chest. She was on Facebook when she saw a familiar face pop up. A friend suggestion. The name was Clarke Griffin. She smiled and decided to stalk the girls profile. Sadly enough for Lexa, the girls account was on private. "Fuck it" She whispered as she clicked 'add as friend'.

Lexa could see Clarkes profile picture and bit her lip. She truly admired the beauty of this girl. Her eyes, her hair, she was just so perfect. _I'm such a stalker_

* * *

Clarke's cheeks flushed red when she got the sudden notification 'Lexa Woods sent you a friend request'. Her heart skipped a beat and she accepted in a flash.


	3. Chapter 3 - Humiliated

Chapter 3

Clarke didn't get very much sleep after watching a horror movie with her friends, in fact she probably only slept for 2-3 hours tops, constantly waking up from nightmares. She looked like crap and not even make up could fix that, she tried her best though. Her eyes still ocean blue but slight redness surrounded them.

"Honey, are you okay?" Abby asked as she looked at her daughter's eyes. She had just stopped in front of the school to drop Clarke off before she headed to work.

Clarke nodded "yeah, I stayed up studying" She lied, she didn't want anyone to know how petrified she really was of horror movies and that she had horrible nightmares. "I'll see you later, Mom". Clarke grabbed her bag and proceeded into the school building.

Arriving at her locker she spotted a familiar brown haired girl waiting for her. Lexa was smiling as Clarke was walking towards her, she noticed Clarke looked a little bit off today. Lexa then had a slight concerned look spread on her face. Clarke couldn't help but smile back at Lexa, the girl looked just as beautiful as always. She also couldn't help but notice Lexa's "punk" style, she had her famous ripped black jeans, a grey tank top with a red flannel tied around her waist. As Clarke approached Lexa she noticed the tattoos along her arm. _Gulp, so hot._ And her face immediately flushed a slight red when she found herself literally staring at Lexa's biceps.

"Clarke?" Lexa noticed Clarke was essentially in another world. "Clarke? Are you okay?" She put her hand on Clarkes shoulder, a little concerned the blonde wasn't feeling okay.

Clarke jumped at the touch, she was fully focused now. Butterflies filled her stomach when she looked into Lexa's eyes. "Sorry, ah, bad.. Bad sleep last night". She felt a little embarrassed and hoped Lexa didn't notice what she was previously staring at.

"Your biology notes" Lexa gave them back and smiled as Clarke took them and placed them in her locker. She could see the redness in Clarke's eyes. She didn't know what else to say to the blonde, she wasn't even sure if the blonde liked her, she wasn't particularly good at making friends.

Clarke yawned, and covered her mouth. "Sorry, I'm not usually this tired" She let out a small laugh.

"Up late staring at my Facebook pictures?" Lexa decided to use a bit of humour.

Clarke almost choked on the air she was breathing. Did she really just hear Lexa say that? _How does she know I like her oh my god._ Clarke was bright red again. " N..no!" She was lost for words. Lexa couldn't control her laughter, she was enjoying this. She undeniably adored Clarke.

Lexa wanted to be friends with her, friends with benefits? She could only hope, she still felt as though Clarke wasn't that type of girl. God for all Lexa knew the girl was straight. "Hang out with me at lunch, you can meet my friends"

Clarke had finished getting what she needed from her locker, rubbing her sore eyes once more. She smudged a little of her mascara. "I usually hang out with Raven, Octavia, Monty and Jasper, but uh.." She absolutely did want to get to know the girl better.

Lexa noticed the smudged mascara on Clarke's face, she smiled. "You've got a little..uh" Lexa didn't know what to say or do. "Smudged makeup, let me fix it"

Clarke's heart started racing at the touch of Lexa's thumb on her face. Their eyes meeting once again. Ocean blue met forest green. Clarke felt a little jolt run through her body, like an electric buzz coursing through her veins. Lexa felt the same thing. She took her hand away, a little terrified at the what just happened.

"I better get going, I'm never usually this early so I might go grab a coffee before class starts" Lexa was walking backwards as she spoke. "I'll see you around, Clarke" And with that Lexa walked off, rather quickly. _Get a grip, you're not meant to have feelings, not like this._ Lexa couldn't quite understand. It was usually easy, you make a girl smile, you kiss her fool around and that was it. Sure you feel great, but that small moment she felt with Clarke? It terrified her. The last time she felt like that was with her ex girlfriend, Costia. Her first real love. The one who broke her heart and left her in broken pieces. Lexa was too scared to get close to anyone again. Everyone she loved had left. Except Anya of course.

Clarke's heart was still beating rather fast as she leaned against the lockers. She made her way to her art class, even though she was seven minutes early.

* * *

Halfway through art class Clarke found herself staring at the drawing of Lexa. She couldn't help but think that maybe she was being a little too obsessed with the girl, she hardly even knew her, but she couldn't help it. She has never had a crush like this in her life, her past crushes were different. _I probably freaked Lexa out when I looked at her like that._ Clarke was thinking about the moment their eyes had met and the way she felt when Lexa's eyes gazed right back at her. _She definitely thinks I'm a creep_

* * *

It was now lunch time, Lexa was sitting with Anya and few other older students. Lexa was sitting up on one of the cafeteria tables, legs crossed with headphones in. Most people thought of Lexa and her friends as troublemakers. Ripped clothing, combat boots, leather jackets, that's what most of them wore. A lot of them were smokers and always had some type of heavy metal/punk rock playing.

Lincoln had made his way over to see Anya. They had a lot of classes together and were sort of friends. Anya liked his style. Although Lincoln mostly stuck around with Finn, thankfully the tool wasn't at school today.

Anya looked up a Lincoln and smiled "Linc"

"You up for a party Friday night?" Lincoln sat between Anya and Lexa. Lexa had taken her headphones out so she could hear the conversation.

"What kind of party? Where?" Anya raised her eyebrow

"Octavia's brother, Bellamy, he is throwing a party at their house on Friday, you should all come it will be fun" Anya rolled her eyes. She remembers Bellamy, he was one of those guys that loved themselves a little too much. Bellamy had gotten expelled from Arkadia high for pulling devious pranks on a bunch of teachers.

"That clown?" Lexa cut in.

Lincoln laughed "Come on, free beer we'll have a good time, invite who you want" Lexa wasn't really one for parties unless it was with the usual gang she stuck around with.

"Who else will be there?" Anya was curious.

"I guess a bunch of Bellamy's friends from his new school, a lot of people from Arkadia, I mean considering Octavia will be inviting all of her friends".

That was it. Lexa was in. Octavia's friends meant Clarke. Clarke was good friends with Octavia. "We'll be there" She was quick to say it.

Lincoln smiled "Awesome, can't wait!"

Anya was rather surprised Lexa wanted to go, she knew the girl hated socializing with other types of people, unless they were pretty girls. They didn't really associate with many people at Arkadia.

* * *

Octavia had just finished inviting everyone to her brothers party. She was excited to be able to spend the night with Lincoln and was hoping he would ask her to be his girlfriend on that very night.

"What am I even meant to wear to this party, O?" Clarke always struggled with outfits, even though she looked absolutely stunning in everything.

"You should wear a dress, definitely a tight short dress.." Raven winked and giggled. Clarke couldn't tell half the time if Raven was flirting with her, but she figured that _that_ was just Raven. Clarke smiled and shook her head.

"Oh yeah, definitely a short dress" Jasper smirked and nudged Clarke. Clarke pushed him away playfully and laughed.

"Jasper why are you always a fucking creep and you wonder why you can't get a girlfriend" Octavia smiled sarcastically in Jaspers direction.

"Its true dude.." Monty added.

"The ladies love me what are you guys talking about". Suddenly the whole group laughed and Jasper felt a little offended but decided to join in. "You guys are jerks"

"Maybe if you weren't too busy playing video games and getting high, you just might get a girlfriend" Raven was right though he spent way too much time playing his Xbox and smoking weed, and when he did get a chance to talk to a girl he would always ruin it with a lame pick up line or something slightly offensive that would make the girl practically run away.

"Sooo, you planning on hooking up with anyone on Friday?" Octavia looked up from her phone and waited for Raven to respond.

"God, I hope, male or female I don't care just gimme someone hot" Raven laughed.

"What about you, blondie?" The whole group was now looking at Clarke.

She blushed a little. "Uh, probably not" She laughed nervously. Raven saw right through her and started to grin. "What are you grinning at?"

"Are you seeing someone?" Raven couldn't wipe the smirk off her face when Clarke's cheeks began to flush.

"No are you kidding!" Clarke wasn't even sure why she was embarrassed, she wasn't lying. Oh wait, it's because _I have a huge crush on Lexa._

 _"_ You like someone!" Octavia was actually getting excited and it was freaking Clarke out. Raven scooted next to Clarke.

 _"_ Who is he?" Jasper asked.

"It's not a he.." _Fuck I just admitted I liked someone. I just admitted I liked a girl. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to tell them, I mean, did they even know Lexa?_

"WHAT, omg who is SHE?" Octavia was basically right up in Clarke's face right now.

"Is it me, Griff, it's okay.. I understand.. I can't help being too sexy-"

"No Raven it's not you" Clarke laughed and rolled her eyes. "You guys might not know her.." Clarke couldn't believe she was actually going to tell them, but she did trust them. "And I don't even know if she's even into girls...and-"

"JUST GIVE AS A GOD DAMN NAME" Octavia was growing impatient.

Clarke breathed deeply."L..Lexa" The table fell silent, Clarke just assumed that they wouldn't know her. "Lexa Woods , she's in a couple of my classes and-"

Clarke was interrupted with loud laughter coming from her friends. "Clarke, you can't crush on Lexa". Monty had stopped laughing in concern of the blonde, she had just told everyone something quite personal and they were taking it as a joke. Clarke was confused as to what was so funny. Was she being ridiculous?

"W..Why not?" She couldn't help but feel totally humiliated. Raven could read her face.

"Aww, Griff, Lexa is like a player, she doesn't do relationships" She put her hand on Clarke's shoulder. "Sure she's one of the hottest gay girls around, but don't fall for her". Clarke couldn't even believe what she was hearing. Lexa? A player?

"Lexa Woods isn't girlfriend material, I'm sorry, Clarke" Clarkes stomach felt sick at hearing those words from Octavia's mouth. Did she really think that she could be Lexa's _girlfriend_ one day? Did she really think that there could be something more between the two girls? She felt stupid and humiliated, not only at the fact she'd made herself look like a fool in front of her friends but she was a fool for crushing on the girl in the first place. I mean, she hardly knew her, in fact, she didn't know her, _she borrowed my biology notes, big deal, and so what if she added me on facebook, everyone always adds the new kid._

"I just think she's cute, that's all" Clarke didn't know what else to say. And she was lying, she fucking adored Lexa's beauty. Forest green was her new favorite colour ever since she looked into the girls eyes.


	4. Chapter 4 - Feelings

Chapter 4 – Feelings

It was Thursday night and Lexa was relaxing in her room, she glanced up at the ceiling thinking about the blonde she doubtlessly adored. She thought about the way she spoke, the way she walked, the way she smiled. And this is what terrified Lexa, feeling. Feeling things she had not signed up for, feeling hopeless and weak. _Love is weakness_ is whatshe constantly drills into her own mind. Ever since Costia broke her, this is how she was. But it wasn't just Costia, losing her parents was a big deal too, the loss of anyone she has ever loved has formed her into a person that believes she is incapable of being loved.

As much as she wanted to, she couldn't get close to Clarke, which is why she has been trying to avoid the blonde. She tried not to let the thoughts of Clarke enter her mind, but they always did. She couldn't quite grasp why she felt so much for Clarke when she hadn't long met her.

"You okay, kid?" Anya interrupted Lexa's thoughts. Lexa didn't even notice her enter the room.

She nodded "Yeah".

"Are you sure? You have been a little distant these past few days" Anya sat on the edge of Lexa's bed.

Lexa shrugged her shoulders "Studying a lot...I get tired". She sat up next to Anya.

"I know you, Lex.." Lexa looked at Anya and forced a smile.

"I'm okay, I promise" She lied.

"I love ya, you know that right?" The only person that saw this side of Anya was Lexa and Lexa admired just how caring Anya was, she was forever grateful for everything she has done for her. But Lexa always gets uncomfortable in conversations like this, because they always made her _feel._

"Yeah I know, I'm fucking awesome who wouldn't love me?" Lexa covered her emotions with her playful sarcasm. She laughed and Anya smiled and rolled her eyes. The thing was though, Lexa believed no one but Anya would ever love her, she felt unworthy of anyone's love and as heartbreaking as that sounds nothing could ever convince Lexa otherwise.

* * *

Clarke was still unsure why she feels the way she does for Lexa. The fact that her friends told her Lexa was a "player" still didn't stop her from stalking the girls Facebook and fixing her eyes upon the drawing of Lexa. She thought about her all the time and she hated herself for it.

 _Maybe Lexa isn't want everyone think she is?_ Clarke was still willing to talk to Lexa, she wanted to get to know the girl. Her feelings were uncontrollable, the only way for Clarke to work through these feelings is to face them _right?"_ Clarke was just afraid of making herself look like an idiot.

She took a deep breath and grabbed her phone off of her bedside table. She had messages from her friends group chat, _no surprise there._ They were always chatting and sending random memes to one another.

 **Octavia 8:50pm:** im so excited for tomorrow night

 **Raven 8:50pm:** I can't wait to get drunk and forget about my problems :')

 **Octavia 8:51pm:** what problems do you haveapart from being a total nerd

 **Raven 8:52pm:** at least I'm a sexy nerd ;)

 **Jasper 8:52pm:** I can agree with u there

 **Raven 8:53pm:** ew wtf Jasper no

 **Monty 8:53pm:** not cool dude...

 **Octavia 8:53pm:** LOL

After Clarke read through her friends messages, she decided to ask them something.

 **Clarke 8:55pm:** hey guys

 **Monty 8:55pm:** Clarkey!

 **Raven 8:56pm:** ay blondie, what's up?

 **Clarke 8:56pm:** just finished studying

 **Clarke 8:56pm:** can I ask you guys something?

 **Octavia 8:56pm:** you can ask us anything x

 **Raven 8:57pm:** ask away !

 **Monty 8:57pm:** we're all ears

 **Jasper 8:57pm:** Clarke ur new profile pic is really hot

 **Raven 8:58pm:** JASPER!

 **Monty 8:58pm:** dude..

 **Clarke 8:59pm:** thanks ? Anyway...

 **Clarke 8:59pm** : do you think I should talk to Lexa?

 **Raven 9:00pm:** you really think she's cute huh?

 **Octavia 9:00pm:** I don't see the harm, just be careful Clarke

 **Clarke 9:01pm:** I think she's cute, who knows maybe I just wanna hook up with her

 **Monty 9:02pm:** do what makes you happy :)

 **Raven 9:02pm:** yeah just don't expect Lexa to date you for more than 3 days..

Clarke shook her head, something deep down inside of her felt that Lexa wasn't like that. What she felt with the girl was extraordinarily strong.

 **Clarke 9:03pm:** who said anything about dating? ;)

* * *

Lexa was up on her laptop watching Netflix when she heard her phone buzz. Brow furrowed, as she picked it up off her bedside table. She saw it was Facebook messenger and as soon as she saw the name, she felt as if her heart stopped beating, or started beating a million times faster she couldn't tell, this was overwhelming for her.

 **Clarke 9:30pm:** hey :)

Lexa froze. Should she reply? She didn't want to ignore Clarkes message. She waited a few minutes contemplating before she replied.

 **Lexa 9:34pm:** hi clarke

 _What are you doing Lexa?, this is probably a bad idea._

 **Clarke 9:34pm:** I was wondering if you were going to the party tomorrow night?

Lexa's heart hadn't stopped racing. Why did she feel so much for this girl? _I'm ridiculous_

 **Lexa 9:35pm:** yeah I'll be going with my friend Anya, why?

 **Clarke 9:35pm:** sweet maybe we can hang out at the party :)

Lexa bit her lip. _Fuck._ She tried avoiding Clarke these past few days for the pure reason of not falling for the girl more. _This is the most ridiculous crush I've ever had._ Deep down though, Lexa knew it wasn't a _crush._

 **Lexa 9:36pm:** sure can't wait :)

 _What am I doing?_ Lexa placed her phone away and sighed back down into her pillow.

"You're thinking too hard" Anya had made her way into Lexa's room again without being noticed.

"Fuck Anya, why do you always do that?" Lexa was getting annoyed at the fact the other girl never knocked.

Anya just laughed "I'm sorry, you'd be more aware if you weren't always in another world". She sat on the edge of Lexa's bed again noticing the roll of Lexa's eyes.

"Anya im fine". Lexa was blunt.

"No you're not" Anya wasn't an idiot. They were practically sisters, she always knew when something was up. She had been through everything with Lexa and was there to help pick up the pieces when Costia left. "Talk to me, Lex"

Lexa hated this, she hated coming face to face with her feelings and emotions. But she knew if she could talk to anyone, it would definitely be Anya. She was there when she broke down many times about her past. She had seen Lexa cry, she had even witnessed Lexa try to harm herself but was quick to stop her and pull her close so Lexa could fall apart in her arms. All that was over a year ago now, Lexa felt better, she had healed and boxing definitely helped her stay serene. Lexa admitted she was happier now, but she still felt incomplete and lost and she could never quite understand why when she tried so hard to fill those empty holes in her heart.

"Lexa?" Anya watched the other girl bore her eyes into thin air. "Lex, please-"

"I'm afraid" Anya didn't quite expect Lexa to cut in and let it out like that.

"Afraid?" She moved closer as Lexa sat up.

"I have feelings for this girl and I don't even know why.." Lexa paused and turned her head, meeting Anya's eyes that were fixed on Lexa. "I know it sounds stupid" Lexa rolled her eyes. _Why am I talking about this?_

"It's not" Anya smiled. "So you like _like_ her huh?"

Lexa hated the grin that grew on Anya's face "Oh shut up!" Lexa punched Anya's shoulder and shoved her face back down into her pillow.

"Lexa, you know its okay to feel things" Anya knew that ever since Costia, Lexa distanced herself from relationships and would much rather be the _friends with benefits_ type. She knew Lexa was afraid of hurting because she had endured so much pain in the past. She could understand the way Lexa felt but she knew it wasn't healthy.

"It's not okay to feel things, feelings are fucking stupid" Lexa groaned into her pillow.

"You're stupid" Anya laughed when Lexa tried to throw her pillow at Anya's face but she was quick to duck. "You're a terrible shot" Lexa stuck her finger up at the other girl and Anya noticed she started to grin. All she wanted was to make Lexa feel better, she knew the past few days had been pretty shitty for her.

"Its Clarke" Lexa sat up again.

"The blonde? I fucking knew it! I called it! I knew she was your fucking type-"

"Okay you were right, what would you like a fucking medal? Chill" Lexa heard her phone buzz again. She looked at it, then back to Anya, then back to her phone.

"Is that Clarke?" Anya smirked.

Lexa had picked up her phone and read the message.

 **Clarke 9:50pm:** I can't wait either, goodnight lexa x

"Yes, it actually is Clarke, if you must know" Lexa typed her reply.

 **Lexa 9:51pm:** night x

"I don't see what the problem is here? You talk to the girl, she obviously makes you feel good. Spend some time with her Lexa, gosh!" Anya watched Lexa put down her phone.

"Okay, listen, you know its not that easy for me.." Lexa sighed. "Clarke is different to the other girls I sleep with..Clarke is-"

"Someone you'd want to date, like for real-"

"I never said that, fuck Anya!" Lexa was getting pretty uptight.

"Look Lex, I never said to date her" Anya put a comforting hand on Lexa's shoulder. "Just be friends with her, act as if she's just like any other girl.. Maybe it will help you overcome your feelings" Lexa actually smiled a little.

"You think?" Lexa was unsure if what she felt would ever go away, but it was worth a try right? She wanted to go back to feeling numb. That's how she was with every girl, no feelings, just sex.

"Will she be at the party tomorrow night?" Anya was curious.

"Yeah, that's actually what Clarke was messaging me about"

"Well, there's your chance" Anya got up off the bed, walking to Lexa's bedroom door. "Goodnight you horny Lesbian"

"Shut the fuck up, I could say the same about you" Lexa laughed along with Anya. Lexa was so glad that she had Anya in her life. _I don't know what I'd do without her._


	5. Chapter 5 - Party Time

Chapter 5 - Party Time

It was almost home time for the kids at Arkadia high. Clarke was sitting in her psychology class tapping her pencil against the desk, waiting impatiently for the bell to sound.

"Would you quit it?" Clarke turned to face a bothered Raven sitting beside her.

"What's your problem?" Clarke noticed Raven seemed a little irritable which was so unlike Raven.

"I'm trying to concentrate on my project here, Griff!" Clarke kept starring at the girl.

"It's just a psychology project-"

"You know how I am with my work, I need to be the best, geniuses don't just settle for _average_ marks, we go above and beyond" Clarke had never heard Raven sound so serious before.

Clarke just nodded and returned her attention back to her own work. _I don't like serious Raven._ Clarke was stuck, she always had trouble with science subjects. She enjoyed biology though, for one reason, _Lexa._ She enjoyed sitting next to the green eyed girl, even if they hardly spoke.

The blonde was finding it hard to concentrate, eager for the bell to ring so she can rush out the door. She was excited to attend her very first party since she started at Arkadia High. She had made so many good friends already. _And Lexa will be there tonight._ Clarke sighed and pressed her hands to her head. _Why won't she leave my head._

The bell finally rang and Clarke was out the door like a flash. Almost running to her locker, Clarke bumped into someone and almost fell backwards until that someone caught her. _Why must I always run into people._

"Whoah watch it kid" Clarke looked up to find a girl with dark brown eyes and dark eye makeup. Her cheekbones were perfect, she was tall and very intimidating. Clarke gulped. She knew the girl was part of the _rebel_ crowd just by looking at her attire.

"Sorry" Clarke let out a nervous laugh. _Wow her cheekbones have more structure than my life._

It was then when the girl realised who Clarke was. "Clarke, right? Im Anya". Anya was grinning only for the pure fact that Lexa would freak out if she told her Clarke ran into her.

Clarke wasn't quite sure how the girl knew her name. "Uh.. Right, nice to meet you" Clarke smiled, a little puzzled as to why the girl was talking to her. "I need to get going I-"

Anya was so tempted to mention Lexa, but she knew Lexa would flare up if she did such a thing. "See you at the party tonight, Clarke.." Anya smirked once again, brushing herself against Clarkes shoulder to walk past her.

 _Well that was weird?_ Clarke quickly shook her dazed look off her face, she had too many things to do. She had to get ready for the party, she still had no idea what to wear. Raven and Octavia had planned to meet Clarke at her house to help her get ready.

* * *

Lexa had just returned home from boxing as she looked at the time on her phone. _7:30 shit I need to get ready._ Lexa was nervous to see Clarke, and she couldn't understand why. She would never show it though, of course.

"Do you plan on hooking up?" Lexa looked at Anya smirking, waiting for her to respond.

"If I do I do, if I don't that fucking sucks because I kinda need to get laid" She smiled as she placed on her leather jacket. Anya had about 6 different leather jackets, this one had studs on the shoulders making her look as badass as ever.

Lexa was adjusting the collar of her long sleeved black button up shirt. She had the sleeves rolled up past her elbow so her tattoos could be seen. She also decided to wear her dark blue jeans, they had rips at the knees and they made her ass look great. Lexa's hair was down as usual, with a few braids running through. She smiled at herself in the mirror, she knew she looked fucking hot.

"Stop checking yourself out" Anya had noticed and gave her a grin. "Big head much?"

"Fuck you, Anya"

"Trying to impress Clarke?" Lexa just glared.

"So what if I am? You told me I should go for it, I need to lose these stupid feelings for her, anyway if not Clarke I'll find another hottie" She began to sound a little irritated. She was a nervous wreck and Anya could see right through her. Anya knew that if Lexa got with Clarke tonight, that the chances of her losing her feelings were slim to none. The last thing she wanted was Lexa to get hurt, but the girl needs to face her feelings head on instead of running from them like she always did and always planned to do.

"Please tell me again why these feelings are so bad?" Anya knew why Lexa hated her feelings. She just wanted to convince the girl otherwise. Let go. Be free. _Don't let your stupid feelings hold you back, Lex._

Lexa was tense and her palms were sweating. "Feelings get you hurt.." Her voice was quiet. "..feelings give you false hope.." She paused again. "Feelings are not my thing so just shut the Fuck up Anya and let me do me the best way I know how-"

"Lex, im sorry" Anya realized she may have pushed it too far. "Come on, let's go have some fun. We both need it". She gave Lexa a reassuring smile.

Anya was relieved when Lexa smiled back. "Yeah..yeah we do".

* * *

"Clarke you look fucking hot stop complaining" Octavia was fed up of Clarkes whining, she wasn't sure about the outfit the girls had picked for her. It was a short black dress that made Clarkes cleavage work wonders. Her hair was slightly curled and fell perfectly around her shoulders.

"Griff you're a fucking hottie, Lexa will love the dress" Raven winked and Clarke gave the girl a small death stare.

"I might not even get with her, Jesus fucking Christ she might not even like me". Clarke wasn't really planning on doing anything with Lexa apart from talk to her, she made her friends believe all she wanted to do was hook up with her but in reality Clarke didn't want to seem like a desperate idiot who happened to be falling for _a player._

"oh she'll fucking like you, just probably not for more than..i don't know maybe 3 days? If you're lucky-"

"Stop it, Raven" Clarke was fed up. She didn't want to believe Lexa was like they said she was. But then again what would she know? _That's why I'm getting to know Lexa first, right? This is probably the worst idea._

"Raven is only telling the truth, Clarke, you seriously don't expect to date her right?" _Dating, that would be nice._ Clarke snapped herself out of her nonsensical thoughts.

"Okay guys, yes I fucking like the girl, I like her a lot, and if she wants nothing more than to hook up? Then that's fine with me". Raven and Octavia just looked at each other in disbelief. They could tell Clarke was really into Lexa and somewhat felt bad for the blue eyed blonde.

"Hey, you just do what feels right, Blondie, we support you no matter what" Raven smiled at Clarke and the blonde felt a little relieved that her friends were there for her. She felt less like a fool.

Octavia was just reading a message from Lincoln. "Linc is wondering where we are, come on let's take some hot selfies before we go".

After the girls had taken what seemed like a million selfies they found themselves leaving Clarkes house. "Bye Mom". Abby smiled at the girls as they walked passed the living room.

"Have fun and be safe. No drinking and be home before midnight Clarke, I-"

"Wait Mom, I was meant to ask if I could stay at Octavia's tonight, it would be easier, right?" Clarke knew she'd be drinking, how could she pass up an opportunity of free alcohol? Abby didn't like the idea too much but agreed anyway.

"Fine, but please stay safe, I love you!" Abby kissed her daughter on the forehead. "Call me if you need anything" The blonde nodded.

* * *

The three girls arrived at the party and were greeted by Bellamy at the door.

"oh it's just you" He said grinning at his sister, his attention was then turned to Clarke. "You must be Clarke" He extended his hand for a handshake, Clarke took it.

"Yes, yes I am and you must be Bellamy" She smiled as the boy nodded. "I've heard a lot about you"

"All good I hope" Octavia and Raven laughed at Bellamy's words.

"Apparently you're a douche" Clarke settled for a soft grin and looked at the other two girls. "According to them"

"But you're a big loveable douche, Blake" Raven laughed as she ruffled her hand through Bellamy's hair playfully.

"Alcohol is in the kitchen girls, help yourselves" Bellamy's attention was then turned to a few of his friends that were calling for him.

"I'm going to find Lincoln" Octavia had disappeared in a flash. Clarke and Raven just smiled as they shook their heads at one another.

* * *

Lexa was once again checking herself out in the side mirror of Anya's car. Making sure her hair was perfect even though it undoubtedly was, much like the rest of her. Anya shook her head, Lexa just gave the other girl a colossal looking grin.

They pulled up in front of the house. "How are we meant to get home if we're both drunk?" Lexa looked at Anya.

"We can call a cab and leave my car here for the night, no big deal" Anya took her keys out of the ignition. Lexa nodded _right, common sense, duh Lexa._ Anya could tell Lexa's mind was elsewhere, and she knew that elsewhere consisted of a pretty blonde with eyes the colour of the ocean.

The two walked up to the door and knocked. They were greeted by Lincoln, with Octavia a few feet behind him.

"Hey, you made it!" Lincoln smiled at the two rebellious looking girls.

"We did, where's the beer?" Anya didn't waste any time.

Lincoln laughed and pointed towards the kitchen. Octavia looked at Lexa and gave her a small smile which Lexa barely returned. "Join us in the living room when you're ready, ladies!" Lincoln grabbed Octavia's hands as they made their way towards their friends.

Lexa and Anya found their way into the kitchen and went straight for the cans of beer. Lexa cracked one open and took a nice long swig. "Ahh, this feels fucking great" Anya smiled at the sight of what seemed like Lexa letting go of some of her problems.

* * *

"Guess who arrived about 15 minutes ago" Octavia whispered to Raven. Raven was a little confused, she seemed to be a tad tipsy already.

"I don't know, who?" She took another sip of her drink.

"Lexa" She whispered again, Clarke was close by and Octavia didn't want her to hear. She'd much rather watch Clarke's reaction when she sees the brunette.

Clarke, Raven, Octavia, Lincoln, Bellamy, Monty, Jasper and two of Bellamy's friends Murphy and Niylah were all sitting in the living room with their drinks telling jokes and stories. Bellamy and Octavia had a competition on who could tell the most embarrassing childhood story, in the end they were pretty even and had left the group in fits of laughter. Clarke was having a really great time.

Over in the corner Lexa and Anya had just made an appearance, they were with a few of the friends from their usual crowd. Lexa was onto her second beer already, and a little disappointed she had not yet seen Clarke. Lexa scanned the room she had just entered and her heart skipped a beat when her eyes stopped at the most beautiful blonde she had ever laid eyes on. Clarke looked so happy, the sound of her laugh ran through Lexa's body and made her feel more alive than she had ever been. The dress she was wearing clung to her figure and Lexa admired the way Clarkes hair fell so perfectly. _She's so fucking hot._ Lexa took another sip of her beer, she hadn't noticed her mouth had run dry while she looked fixedly at the girl with ocean blue eyes. She shook her head and turned her attention back to her group. _All in good time, Lexa._

Clarkes laugh was a contagious one, when she began to laugh her friends did to. She had the type of laugh that would light up a whole city. She was almost in tears of laughter after she heard one of Raven's jokes. Wiping the slight tears from her eyes, still giggling, Clarke stood up. "I need another drink, anybody else?"

"Yes please!" Octavia smiled.

"Me too, Griff!" Raven had just downed the rest of the drink she already had.

Clarke nodded. Making her way to the kitchen, she recognized a familiar face. This certain girl was talking to someone who had their back turned. Clarke looked harder and realized it was the girl she bumped into today. _Should I say hi or would that be stupid?_

Before she could decide she had already made her way over to her. Anya looked at Clarke and had the most devilish grin on her face. Lexa turned around to see just what she was grinning at. Clarke froze. Lexa froze. Anya tried her best to contain her laughter.

"Lexa? When did you make it here?" Clarke smiled, her face turning a slight red as it always did around Lexa. She noticed what the brunette was wearing, and boy did she look beautiful.

"Not too long ago, I guess" Lexa didn't mean to let out a nervous chuckle. She cleared her throat. She motioned towards Anya. "This is Anya" At this point Lexa's heart was beating faster than ever, and her breath hitched a little when she noticed the perfect cleavage Clarke had on display.

"I know" Clarke smiled looking at Anya. "She almost knocked me out today". Lexa looked at her best friend with the most perplexed look.

"Well you should really watch where you're going, kid" Anya said in a playful tone.

"Wait, what? You two have met?" Lexa remained quite unsure on how her best friend had even met Clarke.

"Calm down, the girl was in a hurry earlier today, bumped into me and almost face planted the ground" She snorted a laugh. "But I caught her"

Lexa's attention was turned back to the beautiful blonde. She was a little displeased with Anya but thought she'd deal with that later.

Clarke was still slightly blushing and Lexa had noticed this time, which caused the brunette to smile at Clarke ever so charmingly. Clarke's heart pounded inside her chest as she watched Lexa.

"I..i..was uh..drinks..Getting drinks" Clarke breathed in. "I was just getting some drinks for my friends and I, please come join us over there" She pointed towards her friends, where Raven was now up and dancing like an idiot making them all burst out with laughter. Clarke shook her head and looked back towards Lexa and Anya. "If you're okay with that, I know they're a bit crazy".

"Crazy is good" Anya said while she checked out the nerdy mechanic. Lexa just breathed out a short laugh.

"Okay, well I better get these drinks" Clarke smiled and then looked at Lexa, their eyes meeting again. She felt that spark she always felt when she looked into Lexa's beautiful green eyes. _God, she is so beautiful._

* * *

Two hours had passed and the party was going smoothly. They danced and had all had a fair bit alcohol in their systems. Clarke was even speaking more freely to Lexa, about her last school and her art. Lexa could listen to Clarke speak for hours. Her voice was calming despite the loud noises that surrounded them.

The gang played all sorts of party games. One of which was beer pong. Raven and Clarke against Lexa and Anya. Clarke was a terrible shot which caused Raven and Clarke to lose terribly.

"Fucking hell Griff, you suck!" Raven always liked to win and hated to admit defeat.

"I'm sorry, I have very bad coordination.." Clarke giggled while she was handed another shot which she swallowed in a flash. The blonde didn't even flinch at the strong bitterness, she had already had too much that her mouth became numb to what she was drinking.

Eventually a group of them sat in the living room once again, Octavia and Raven come up with the idea to play spin the bottle. Raven had grabbed one of the empty beer bottles that she found laying around amongst a lot of others. Octavia had grabbed the dice from her room that her and Raven had used at previous parties. They all sat comfortably in a very poor circle. Clarke wanted to sit next to Lexa but Raven had pulled the blonde down next to her and Bellamy. Lexa sat across from Clarke, next to Anya.

Octavia started the game off and the bottle landed on Murphy. "Oh god no" Everyone laughed and Murphy seemed a little too excited. Octavia rolled the dice and jumped up in relief when it landed on 'hug'.

The game had been going on for 10 minutes. Clarke was still to have her turn and Lexa only had to kiss Raven on the cheek. Clarke felt a little jealousy at that point but it quickly settled.

"Here" Clarke was handed the bottle by Niylah. The girl looked at Clarke and smiled lightly.

The bottle was spinning, and had landed on Lexa. Raven and Octavia almost spat out their drinks. Raven was laughing and Octavia winked at Clarke. The blue eyed girl felt like her heart was going to burst out of her chest. She looked at the brunette and their eyes met, that spark never failed to ignite within Clarkes body. She picked up the dice and rolled it. '7 minutes in heaven'. _Fuck_

Everyone was cheering and whistling. So much noise was made by everyone in the group, especially from Raven. Clarke stood up, and all of a sudden her surroundings became quiet and everything became blurry. She watched Lexa as she stood up from the bean bag she had been sitting on. Their eyes were still plastered on one another. Not one of them said a word while Octavia practically threw them both in the closet and locked the door.

"How ironic, two homos in a closet" Clarke heard Raven yell out. It sounded like the group had continued the game.

She felt two hands grab her hips. Clarke jumped, her stomach was doing flips. "Clarke, if you're uncomfortable we don't have to do this" As much as Lexa really fucking craved the blonde, she didn't want to push her into anything she wasn't comfortable doing.

Clarke hated that it was dark, the small crack in the closet door only allowed her to slightly see the outline of Lexa's face and her perfect jawline. Lexa admired the way Clarkes blonde hair flowed, she couldn't see much of the blonde, but she knew that the girl was absolutely flawless. Lexa really ached to feel Clarkes lips on hers. And at that moment Clarke pushed herself onto Lexa. Their lips crashed together, it was a bit messy considering the amount of alcohol that they had both consumed, but that didn't matter. Lexa couldn't believe this was happening. It felt too good. Too much like a dream. The way the blonde felt against her made her heart pound and her knees weak. Clarke had one of her hands on Lexa's shoulder, while the other cupped her cheek. She ran her thumb over Lexa's perfectly carved jawline. Lexa's hands were still on Clarkes hips, she slowly moved them up the blondes sides while they kissed over and over. Lexa couldn't help herself, she let her tongue slide against the blondes bottom lip asking for entrance. Clarke accepted and their tongues were now sliding against one another, exploring. Clarke had never been kissed this way before, not with anyone she had ever dated. Lexa made her feel things she couldn't quite understand. One of Lexa's hands had now moved to Clarkes neck, feeling the blondes soft skin on her palm, she pulled the blonde to her as close as possible which caused Clarke to release a slight moan. Lexa heard it and bit the blondes bottom lip. She craved to hear more of the blondes sounds. Clarke whimpered and pushed Lexa against the wall. Eventually they stopped for air, resting their foreheads together. Lexa's hands once again on Clarkes hips and Clarkes arms wrapped around Lexas neck. They were both panting, Clarke couldn't believe what had just happened, she really didn't expect this to happen tonight. She really didn't want to be drunk when she kissed Lexa, but _oh god I don't regret this at all._ Clarke was already falling head over heals for the brunette that was resting against her. Lexa's eyes were closed, her mind felt fuzzy all she could think about was Clarke. It was at that moment that Lexa realized _this is way too different._ Too numb to take everything in at this point in time, she started to kiss Clarke again. Clarke wanted to keep going, the feel of Lexa's lips made her feel like she was one with the girl. Clarke backed away slightly.

"What wrong?" Lexa breathed out. _Did I go too far? Shit, did I do something wrong?_

"I think we should hang out more often" Clarke smiled as she kissed Lexa once again. The brunette could feel the smile on Clarkes lips and smiled with her. Lexa knew that this could be a bad idea, but she wanted Clarke, oh god she really wanted Clarke. And thought nothing more of it as they continued to make out.


	6. Chapter 6 - Crashing Down

Chapter 6 – Crashing Down

The party went on until 3am, Lexa and Clarke enjoyed the rest of the night together with the rest of the gang, they never kissed again outside the closet, but Lexa put her arm around Clarke at times. Most of the people at the party went home including Jasper and Monty but they were all still having too much fun to stop. Bellamy was upstairs with a random chick he had just met, no one knew who she was and people were too drunk to notice. Octavia and Lincoln took up the couch and were making out, Clarke and Raven had thrown cushions at them while teasing the new couple, they completely ignored the girls and kept their lips locked together. Anya, Lexa, Niylah and Murphy were all playing darts. Murphy was completely terrible at the game, while the other three were quite impressive.

"Wow cheekbones, you got skill". Raven winked at Anya while she was collecting the darts from the board.

"Cheekbones?" Anya quirked a brow and laughed.

"Yeah, cheekbones" Raven smirked. She was very attracted to Anya.

Anya just nodded and smirked back at the girl. _She's cute._

"Omg can I..I haave a goooo?" Clarke giggled. The blonde was a little too intoxicated and Lexa could see that. Clarke was slurring her words and almost lost her balance a few times.

"Nuh uh, no way!" Anya said. "Not after the way you played beer pong you're a terrible shot" Raven laughed at Anya's comment.

"That's so true!" Raven added.

Clarke pouted and then wrapped her arms around Lexa, the blonde stumbled a bit almost causing Lexa to fall but she caught Clarke and steadied the girl. "I think it's time for bed!" Lexa gave the blonde a small smile.

"Bed? You want to sleep with me Lexa?" Clarke was close to Lexa's ear and it had almost been a whisper. Lexa clenched her jaw a little, because usually in these situations she always ended up in bed with the girl. This time, it was different. She couldn't do that with Clarke, and she still didn't understand why this blue eyed girl she absolutely adored made her feel the way she does. Lexa shook herself out of her thoughts.

"No, Clarke, You need to sleep. Anya and I will go home" Lexa looked into Clarkes eyes.

"Noooooo fair!" Clarke pouted once again and held onto Lexa tighter. The brunette looked at the others and found them in fits of laughter. She just shook her head and glared.

"We better go, I'll call a cab" Anya smirked at Lexa as Clarke still held onto her. Lexa just kept her arms around her and secretly enjoyed the comfort and the incredible feeling that warmed up her chest when she felt the blonde hold her tighter.

"I'm sorry, Clarke" Lexa smiled as Clarke looked up at her. _She looks like a complete mess but still so beautiful._ "I'll talk to you tomorrow" She kissed the smaller girl on her forehead. Clarke just smiled and melted into Lexa.

Anya had called a cab and before it came Anya made sure she gave Raven her number before kissing the girl on the cheek.

"You're cute" Anya admitted to Raven. "You better call me". She winked. Raven was a bit surprised but took into consideration that the two had been flirting all night.

"You're hot, hell yeah I'll call you" Raven smirked and aimed to sound confident. Deep down she was pretty nervous, she really did like Anya though.

* * *

"Fuuck" Clarke groaned and couldn't even open her eyes, her hands on her head as she felt the throbbing pain of the migraine caused by last night's fiasco. She tried her best to open her eyes, the sunlight beaming through the window made her feel even worse. She was a little confused as to where she was but immediately remembered when she turned to see Raven slumped over Octavia, both of them completely out of it.

The blonde tried to remember the events that happened the night before. And then it hit her. _Shit I kissed Lexa. We were in the closet.. I was in the closet with Lexa._ Her stomach filled with butterflies as she thought about the brunette but her brow furrowed as she tried to remember if the two had done anything more than just kissing. It was all a blur for Clarke. _We couldn't have? Right? No. We didn't. Or?_ Clarke groaned once more.

She turned and spotted her phone on Octavia's study desk. She got up slowly and quietly made her way to the desk. She placed a hand over her stomach as she suddenly felt a little too sick, like she might vomit. _Oh god no._ She took in a deep breath and hoped that her stomach would settle, the last thing she wanted was to be vomiting. _Ugh gross._ Picking up her phone she walked over to the bed slowly where the other two girls were sound asleep. Clarke couldn't make out which one of the two were snoring, but guessed that it was Raven. Clarke let out a small laugh.

She unlocked her phone _12:09 pm,_ she saw she had 21 missed calls from her mother. _Shit. Fuck. No._ Clarke was internally freaking out. _What does she want?._ Taking in a deep breath, ready for the worst _she probably found out I had been drinking_ , she called her mother back.

"Mom?"

 _"Clarke why didn't you answer your phone?"_ Abby sounded a little worried.

"Uh.." Clarke hesitated. _Fuck_ "Um O, Raven and I were up late watching movies, we didn't get to sleep until 4am"

 _"That's okay Clarke, but I really need you home right now."_

Clarke could almost hear the crack in her mother's voice _is she about to cry?_

"Mom? Mom whats wrong?" Clarke's voice was now loud and full of worry. She had woken Raven and Octavia. The other two girls saw the look on Clarkes face and could tell by the tone of Clarke's voice that something was up. Barely even awake, Octavia and Raven sat up next to Clarke, them too with a worried expression.

Abby was sobbing. _"Clarke I need you here, I can't do this on the phone, let me pick you up sweety"_

"Mom!" Clarke didn't know what to do, she could tell that this was serious, all the worst possible things ran through her mind, the last time she got a phone call like this was when she found out her father had been killed in a car accident. "Mom just tell me"

Abby took a deep breath. _"please sweety, I need to pick you up"_

Clarkes eyes were watering, Raven had put her hand on Clarkes back for comfort and Octavia had gone to fetch Clarke a glass of water. "Okay Mom, love you". The phone hung up and Clarke looked at Raven not knowing how to react, the poor girl didn't even know what had her mother so upset which caused her to panic. Clarke's head fell into her hands.

"Blondie, everything ok?" Raven was still rubbing circles around Clarkes back.

Clarke shook her head. "I don't know".

* * *

Anya and Lexa were having coffee at the place Anya worked at before she started her afternoon shift. A lot of caffeine was always needed after a night of drinking.

"I was surprised you didn't sleep with her" Anya stated. Clearly talking about Clarke.

Lexa shook her head and smiled. "She was too drunk"

"That's never stopped you with other girls" Anya smirked.

"Clarke isn't like other girls. I just.. I don't know" Lexa hesitated.

"So you admit, Clarke is different from other girls?" Anya's smirk just grew wider.

Lexa rolled her eyes "Ugh no..yes, I don't know!" Anya decided to drop the matter.

Lexa was getting frustrated. All she thought about since she had woken up was the way Clarkes lips felt on hers. The way she felt when their bodies were pressed together. The way Clarke made her feel when she pulled her closer by her hand on her neck. She could still smell Clarke, the scent of the blonde lingered on Lexa's skin. Lexa knew that this wasn't what she wanted, she knew her feelings for Clarke were too strong to just toss aside. She was still afraid, she wasn't used to this. The feelings. The very s _trong_ feelings. But Lexa still found herself grabbing her phone and messaging the blonde. _I can't fucking help myself._

 **Lexa 12:15 pm:** Are you busy later tonight? x

"So, I might be out tonight" Anya interupted Lexa's thoughts.

"Might?"

"Yeah I text Raven and asked her if she wanted to see a movie tonight, she hasn't replied yet but who can say no to face like this?" Anya smirked as her thumb pointed towards her perfectly carved face.

Lexa laughed. "I know plenty of people..-"

Lexa was cut off when a scrunched up napkin was thrown at her face. "You're a bitch" Anya laughed. Their attention was then turned to the buzzing of Lexa's phone. "Clarke, I bet" Anya smirked while Lexa flipped her off and smiled.

"Just because Raven won't text you back" Lexa grinned.

 **Clarke 12:20 pm:** Idk

Lexa was a little thrown off, something about this seemed off. She expected a different answer from Clarke, a longer answer even. _Did I do something wrong last night?_

* * *

Abby pulled up in front of the Blakes house, Clarke grabbed her things and said goodbye to her friends. They were naturally worried about Clarke. Raven had told the blonde to text her as soon as possible.

Clarke got in the car, a pit of sorrow lay in her stomach as she looked at her mother. Clarke could tell that Abby had bad news. She reached over and hugged her mother, they held each other tightly, Abby not wanting to let go of her daughter, but Clarke pulled back.

"Mom?" She whispered.

Abby shook her head. "I tried to save him.." She was on the verge of tears again.

"Who mom? Tried to save who?" Clarke's eyes searched her mothers, Abby looked broken. Clarke has seen that look before.

"Wells, Clarke, Wells was killed this morning" Abby grabbed her daughters hand, squeezing slightly. Clarke's eyes widened in disbelief. Wells was an old family friend. One of the family friends that her and her mother left behind in their old town.

Clarke shook her head, fighting back the tears. The pit of sorrow in her stomach grew. She felt her ears throbbing, her hands were shaking, she gasped for air not realizing she had been holding it in. All she could do was close her eyes and rest her head back against the car seat. She snatched her hand away from her mother's, balling her fists against her sides. She had felt this way before, the day she got the phone call about her father. This pain wasn't new to Clarke but the blonde didn't expect this type of pain to occur again so soon.

"Clarke.." Abby put her hand on Clarkes fist. "I'm sorry, I couldn't save him"

Clarke fought back her sobs, her eyes remained closed. "What do you even mean? Where was he killed.. And.." Clarke could actually feel physical pain in her heart like a sharp object had pierced its way through. "H..how?"

"He was in an accident while he was on our way to visit us, he.." Abby paused, this was harder than she thought. "He wanted to see you".

Clarke shook her head. She broke. The tears were now flowing down her pale cheeks, her knuckles white from the tight fists she had been forming. The deep ache inside her was worsening as she thought about Wells. She grew up with the boy and they had been good friends since preschool, regret washed over Clarke when she thought about the fact she hardly spoke to Wells since she left. Only a message here and there, but that was it.

"He was brought into the hospital at about 8 this morning, but there was nothing we could do Clarke.." Abby tried her hardest not to cry in front of her daughter "..Clarke, im sorry"

"Take me home" Barely even a whisper, those were the only words Clarke could form. Abby nodded. They drove in silence the whole way, Clarke feeling numb and Abby feeling hopeless.

All Clarke wanted to do was break down. She wanted to let it out, the pain that was kept inside of her was fighting for its way to surface. She wanted to scream and yell, she wanted to punch things, but she knew that it was nothing but pointless. Clarke didn't only think about Wells, she thought about her father. Memories came flooding back, she felt like her insides were being ripped apart, and she did a great job of hiding the amount of pain she felt. The blonde acted calm and collected around her mother though, she never wanted her mother to see her cry uncontrollably, the type of crying that is loud and the volumes of pain and sorrow could be heard.

They pulled up in front of their home. Clarke didn't even notice, her mind a million miles away. She was struggling to process the news about Wells.

"Sweety?" Abby put her hand on Clarke's shoulder. "We're home, I have to head back to work later but I can tell them I can't go if..-"

"No". Clarkes eyes finally opened. They were sore and red from the amount of fighting they did trying to stop the ocean of tears that wanted to flow out. "I'm fine, I would rather be alone".

"Are you sure?" Abby was rubbing Clarkes shoulder.

Clarke turned to her mother, and faked a small smile and nodded to assure her she was okay, even though she was far from it. _I don't want anyone to see the mess I become when I cry, not even you, Mom._

Clarke made her way to her room. She had been laying on her bed staring at her ceiling for over an hour now. The numbness consumed her. She couldn't quite grasp the concept of why life can be so cruel sometimes. She thought about how certain outcomes came to be and how they completely broke people. She had seen her Mom break when her father was killed. That was the day a small part of her died. But even the news about Wells wouldn't stop Clarke from being as strong as she always was, _only time heals._

The blonde picked up her phone.

 **Lexa 12:21pm:** ok?

 **Lexa 12:30pm:** Clarke?

 **Lexa 12:41pm:** Clarke are you okay?

 **Lexa 1:04pm:** Did I do something wrong?

Clarke couldn't even begin to think straight. She wanted nothing more than to spend time with Lexa, but she couldn't let Lexa see her like this.

 **Clarke 2:48pm:** Sorry Lexa I fell asleep

Lie.

 **Clarke 2:48pm:** My mother and I have plans tonight, sorry x

Another lie.

Clarke then messaged her friends in her group chat to tell them she was okay.

* * *

Lexa was relieved when Clarke had finally messaged her back, although still, she felt as if something was wrong. She shrugged it off and replied.

 **Lexa 2:54pm:** that's ok, hope you're ok

 **Clarke 2:55pm:** ofc, why wouldn't I be?

 **Lexa 2:55pm:** uh.. You were pretty drunk last night lol

 **Clarke 2:56pm** : oh right, yeah nothing but a small headache, im fine x

"You ready, kid?" Lexa looked up to find her boxing coach glaring at her, usually phones weren't permitted at training.

"Sorry coach, yeah!"

By the end of her training she was completely exhausted, her body glistening with sweat. The brunette looked up at the clock _5:30 pm. Well that went quick._

"Still gross" Lexa turned to find Anya standing there.

"Shut up" Lexa laughed. "At least I get these" Lexa flexed her biceps and smirked at her best friend.

Anya shook her head and could barely contain her laughter "You're so full of yourself".

Lexa shrugged and smiled, she proceeded to gather her things and chucked on her hoodie. "So are you going out with Raven?"

"Sort of, plans have changed, I invited her over to watch a movie"

Lexa snorted a small laugh. "Are you too cheap to take her out? Or?"

Anya punched Lexa in the arm. "No, you fool, Raven loves horror movies so I asked if she wanted to come over and watch them".

"Mmhmm" Lexa rolled her eyes. "So what am I meant to do, third wheel?"

"Make plans with your blonde beauty" The two had started to walk to Anya's car.

"She's busy" Lexa couldn't hide the disappointment in her tone. "I'll just stay in my room, no big deal"

"Raven will be over at 7, you can join us if you like, Lex?"

"No thanks, I'd be cock blocking" Lexa smirked as they got into the car.

"Yeah, you're right" Anya settled with a grin.

* * *

Clarke had been home alone now for half an hour, she was left with money on the counter after Abby told her to order a pizza. But the last thing on Clarke's mind was food, she didn't want to leave her room. Her thoughts consumed her once more, she thought about Wells and the fact that he was on his way to see her. She shook her head, fighting the tears once again. Her face sunk into the pillow as she let out a little squeal, her eyes held tightly shut, fighting back her sobs. And then, she let go completely. She cried for what seemed like hours, but was no longer than 20 minutes.

Clarke was struggling to believe that only last night she had felt on top of the world, and today the world had come crashing down on her. At this moment Clarke wished she had asked her mother to stay home, not to see her cry, _no way, never,_ but to comfort her and help pick up the pieces when she was ready, and she needed that now. Someone to hold her.

She hesitantly picked up her phone and sent a text to Raven and Octavia.

 **Clarke 6:07pm:** You girls busy?

Clarke grabbed a tissue and wiped her nose once more. She threw the tissue on her bedroom floor amongst all the other tissues she had dumped there. Clarke's head was pounding, she almost forgot that she was still hungover. She felt weak and very very tired.

 **Raven 6:10pm:** Got a date with Anya ;) how are you Griff? Are you sure everything is okay?

 **Clarke 6:10pm** : Im fine Raven, have fun! X

 **Octavia 6:11pm:** im with Lincoln, but I hope you're okay

Clarke was a little disappointed, she was hoping she'd be able to see her friends but she totally understood. It sounded like they were both having fun tonight and she didn't want to ruin that. _I'll tell them tomorrow._

Clarke threw her phone gently next to her on the bed. Her hands made their way to her face as she rubbed her sore eyes. She started thinking about Lexa again, despite the pain Clarke was feeling she still caught butterflies in her stomach when she thought about the green eyed girl, and even smiled a little when she thought about their kiss. Their very _passionate_ kiss.

* * *

Anya opened the front door to a very smiley Raven.

"Hey cutie" Anya smiled at the sight before her. Raven was wearing track suit pants and a tank top and her hair in a messy bun.

Raven noticed Anya was still in her usual get-up. "sorry, am I underdressed, I thought we were just watching a movie here?"

Anya shook her head "Don't be sorry, you still look stunning" Anya grabbed the girls hand and gently dragged her inside. Anya took her leather jacket off and kicked off her boots. "Better?" Anya smirked.

"Hmmm, you hair is still perfect though" Raven began to blush a little when she notice Anya stare at her. "What?"

"Nothing, cutie" Anya winked. Raven shook her head and laughed.

"Ugh you two are already grossing me out" Lexa had walked in to grab a bottle of water.

"Just because you're lonely" Anya shot back at her and gave Lexa an amused look when she saw her give her the finger. "One day I'm going to snap that finger off"

Lexa ignored Anya and greeted Raven. "How is Clarke feeling after last night?" Lexa smiled when she remembered how drunk the blonde was, very drunk but _very cute._

"Actually something weird happened this morning" Raven continued to tell them the story of how Clarke got a phone call from her mother, and the way Clarke was acting. "I felt bad when I told her I couldn't come over tonight".

"Wait.. Doesn't she have plans with her mom?" Lexa was confused. That's what Clarke had told her. _Why would she ask to see Raven?_

"Uh, no I'm pretty sure her mom works Saturday nights-"

Lexa had stormed out of the kitchen. Anya looked at Raven and they both shrugged their shoulders. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, that's just Lex, come on.. let's start our movie, I ordered chinese so it should be here soon" The two had settled on the couch, Anya's arm around Raven and Raven's hand on Anya's thigh.

Lexa had thrown herself on her bed. She didn't know if she had the right to be angry or not, _did Clarke really lie to me?_ Lexa still felt like she had done something wrong. She was then startled when her phone buzzed.

 **Clarke 7:15pm:** is your offer still open about wanting to hang out? x

Lexa was surprised. But she was still confused as to why Clarke lied to her earlier. _Did she lie?_

 **Lexa 7:16pm:** Are you sure you want to see me?

 **Clarke 7:17pm:** positive

 **Lexa 7:17pm:** What's your address?

Lexa copy and pasted Clarkes address down in her phones notes. She slipped on her red flannel and strolled out to the kitchen.

"OH MY GOD, GET A ROOM" Lexa was surprised when she found Anya and Raven making out quite intensely on the living room sofa. Lexa laughed when they just ignored her, obviously too in the moment to care. "I'm borrowing your car, bye". She grabbed the keys and made her way out the door.

* * *

Lexa knocked on Clarkes front door, she had been waiting there for a minute when the door opened, Clarke stood there beaming at the brunette. Eyes still red and puffy, her hair in a messy bun. Lexa noticed the blonde was wearing a large t shirt and pj shorts. _Still so beautiful._ But Lexa could tell Clarke had been crying and before she could ask Clarke what was wrong the blonde had pulled Lexa into a tight hug. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke.

"Thank you for coming" Clarke said faintly.

Lexa nodded "Of course.. Are you okay?"

Clarke looked up at Lexa, their arms still wrapped around each other, the blonde shook her head in response to Lexa's question. She couldn't lie, she wasn't okay. Clarke tried to speak but couldn't form any words. She just needed someone with her, not to talk, but to keep her mind off things.

Lexa nodded. She understood. She wouldn't pry and ask Clarke a million questions. So she just held the blonde in her arms and whispered "It's okay".

Clarke pulled away but still had a hold of Lexa's arm. "Come to my room, we can watch a movie". Lexa smiled softly and nodded.

Lexa loved the smell of Clarkes room, mainly because well, it smelt like Clarke. She noticed a picture hanging on the wall, which she assumed was Clarke with her parents when Clarke was a kid. They sat on the bed, Lexa felt her breath hitch a little when she felt Clarke sit right beside her.

They began to watch a comedy on Netflix, sat up snuggled on the bed with Lexa's arm around Clarke and Clarke resting her head on Lexa's shoulder. Lexa felt content. As much as she loved running from her feelings, she didn't want to run from this.

Clarke wasn't even paying attention to the movie, in fact she was in somewhat of a trance, thinking about Wells again and her father. The pain flared up again, her ribs were aching and she felt violently ill. She didn't even realize the tears that were streaming down her cheeks until she felt Lexa wipe them away with her thumb. Looking at Clarke with worry. Clarke buried her face into Lexa as she began to cry. Lexa held the blonde tightly. Lexa didn't want to ask the blonde what was wrong, she figured Clarke would tell her when she was ready. She didn't mind.

"Clarke, whatever's wrong.." She kissed Clarke on the forehead. "It's okay"

Clarke shook her head. And between sobs Clarke managed to say "No.. It's not okay.." She held back her urge to cry once more. The burning lump in her throat made her voice sound low and scratchy. "I lost a friend today, Lexa". Clarke didn't even regret telling Lexa. The brunette made her feel safe and secure, her embrace was calming and Clarke enjoyed the vibe Lexa gave, making Clarke feel like she could tell Lexa anything.

"I'm so sorry, Clarke" Lexa knew that feeling. The feeling of losing someone close to you. That's why she expected nothing more from Clarke. She just held the blonde tighter, and laid her down. They let their bodies interweave with each other. Lexa not letting go of Clarke as the blue eyed girl weeped into her chest. They remained like that for an hour or so before Clarke looked up at Lexa.

"Im..im sorry" Clarke wiped her nose with the sleeve of her shirt.

"Don't be, im here for you.." Lexa felt the need to make sure Clarke was okay, no matter how long that took.

"No, I'm sorry, because I think I got snot on your shirt" Clarke sniffled.

Lexa barked a small laugh and shook her head. "It's okay". Lexa reached over and grabbed the box of tissues on Clarkes bedside table. "Here".

"Thanks" Clarke gave a small smile. She wiped her nose and her eyes.

"Have you eaten?" Clarke just shook her head in response. "Do you want something to eat?" Clarke shook her head again.

Lexa nodded. "Okay, but you need to eat soon".

Clarke smiled again and nodded. "I will, thanks Lexa" Lexa's voice was soothing for Clarke. She unquestionably loved the way Lexa felt against her. She had never felt this kind of comfort before. Clarke couldn't quite put her finger on it but something about Lexa made her feel at ease. Something she had never largely felt before.

Blue eyes looked into green ones as they laid in silence. Clarke didn't know how to thank Lexa for being there for her and at that moment she felt the sudden urge to kiss the her. Placing a sweet, gentle kiss upon Lexa's lips, Clarke found Lexa's hand and entwined their fingers. Lexa felt her heart racing again, much like it did at the party. This kiss felt different. Neither of them were drunk, and Lexa felt her feelings gushing around in her body, like wild waves in the ocean. It was almost a little too much for her, but feeling Clarkes lips on hers was something she wanted to feel forever.

Clarke broke the kiss. "Thank you" She whispered against Lexa's lips. She pecked Lexa on the lips again "I like having you here, Lexa" Clarke opened her eyes and found forest green ones staring back at her.

"I like being here" Lexa whispered back. She loved being like this with Clarke and that's what made her so afraid. _Feelings feelings feelings feelings._ Lexa didn't want to face them but wanted nothing more than to remain like this with the blonde, _be one with her._


	7. Chapter 7 - Not Yet

Chapter 7 – Not Yet

Lexa was awoken by a slight tapping sound against the window, her eyes fluttered open as she realized it was the strong winds of a chilled night. She turned to look at the blonde curled up beside her, a small smile forming as she tucked Clarkes hair behind her ear. The girl had cried herself to sleep on Lexa, and Lexa was glad Clarke was sleeping peacefully. She shifted slightly, careful not to stir the blonde, and grabbed her phone out of her pocket. Looking at the time _11:43 pm_ and then replying to the text from Anya.

 **Anya 10:18 pm:** having fun with blondie ;)

Lexa rolled her eyes.

 **Lexa 11:44 pm:** be home soon

It was only a matter of seconds when Lexa got a reply.

 **Anya 11:44 pm:** hell took you a while to reply, you must have been busy

 **Lexa 11:45 pm:** yes in a way, but not the way that you think you dirty minded lesbian

Lexa was startled by Clarke grabbing at her hip. She looked at the shorter girl, Clarkes eyes were still puffy and Lexa noticed she was struggling to open her eyes.

"Shh, rest" Lexa whispered.

"What time is it?" Clarke's voice was barely a whisper, her throat was aching from the constant lump she held in it. "Where's my mom?"

"It's almost midnight, Clarke. Your mom hasn't returned home yet".

Clarke just nodded and slowly sat up. Lexa sat up with her and rubbed Clarkes back. "How are you feeling, Clarke?" Lexa knew that it was a stupid question.

Clarke shrugged her shoulders. "numb.. i guess".

Lexa just nodded _yeah I understand you, Clarke._

"I'm sorry you have to see me like this, Lexa, I mean-"

"Shh" Clarke was cut off. "I will not hear any of it. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here okay? always" Lexa assured Clarke. Something in the brunette made her want to protect Clarke from all the bad things. Comfort her. Take care of her. _Just as a friend of course..._

Clarke nodded. She learnt that she loved Lexa's company more than anyone else's. Not because they had _a thing_ for each other but because Clarke felt Lexa actually understood her.

Another 15 minutes passed and Abby returned home from her work. Lexa gave Clarke a long hug goodbye and made sure she knew she could call her anytime during the night if she needed, Clarke found contentment in that.

* * *

On the drive home thoughts of Clarke filled Lexa's mind. She wasn't sure who Clarke's friend was, she wasn't sure if Clarke would be okay any time soon and she wasn't even sure if _she_ should be the one to comfort Clarke, but she wanted to. She _needed_ to. _I know how she feels._

Lexa then began to think about the kiss that they shared in Clarkes bed. _What was that?_ It took Lexa by surprise but she loved every moment of it. _Clarke's not like other girls_ and this terrified Lexa. It was in that moment that Lexa promised herself she wouldn't get caught up in her feelings for Clarke, Clarke needed her as a friend right now, and _not with benefits._ Just a friend. _Maybe it's a good idea we don't kiss again.._

Minutes later Lexa was walking into the apartment, keys rattling as she unlocked the door. As she stepped in she noticed Anya on the sofa in the living room.

"Raven gone?" Lexa asked as she closed the door behind her.

Anya stood up and made her way over to Lexa, a grin appearing on her face. "Yeah, she left a while ago, we had lots..lots of fun" Anya winked.

"Oh my god.. You didn't .. you guys? Already?.." Lexa shook her head.

"No we didn't do _that_ , now who has the dirty mind?" Anya laughed as Lexa rolled her eyes. "Soo, you and blue eyed blondie hey?"

"No, Anya" Anya could hear the different tone in Lexa's voice. _Did blondie shut her down?_

Lexa began walking to her room, a worried look forming on Anya's face as she watched her best friend walk away. "Hey! Kiddo!"

Lexa turned slightly to face Anya. "Anya, I just want to be Clarkes friend, nothing more" That was a lie. Because Lexa wanted Clarke all to herself, the thought of anyone else touching the blonde was enough to make her blood boil. But Lexa was Lexa, and facing her feelings wasn't quite as simple. And Clarke? Lexa just kept telling herself _Clarke just needs support from friends, she doesn't need my feelings complicating her life. And I don't need my feelings complicating my life either..._

"Lex, I know you.. The way you two were at the party..the kiss? Lex-"

"Anya!..Please.." Lexa's chest felt tight. "Clarke is going through something else right now, she doesn't need me.. In that way.. She only needs me as a friend. And I want to be there for her!"

Anya wasn't sure how to respond. She had no idea what Lexa was talking about but she was smart enough not to question it. The taller girl just nodded and gave Lexa a small smile. "Goodnight, Lexa"

"Goodnight, Anya"

* * *

Sunday afternoon Clarke had invited both Octavia and Raven over. She told them what had happened to Wells, they were shocked and terribly saddened at the news. They never expected it was something as serious as this and immediately assured Clarke they'd be there for her.

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Octavia asked as she placed her hand on the blondes shoulder.

"You guys.. You seemed busy and I didn't want to ruin-"

"Clarke!" Raven cut her off "We are your friends, something like this? You need people to support you, help you. Okay?" Clarke just nodded in response. "Wait.. Didn't Lexa come over last night, did you tell her what happened?"

Clarke nodded once more. "Well, I didn't tell her the whole story but she understands"

Clarke wasn't feeling anything but numbness. It all still had her in shock. She was still yet to find out when the funeral was. All that played on her mind was the fact that Wells was on his way to see her, probably for the weekend. Regret filled the blonde, and once again tears began to prick at the ocean blue eyes but she held back, the painful lump in her throat returning.

"Hey, we should have a movie night! Pizza? Chinese? Chocolate? Pancakes?" Octavia wanted to help Clarke, and this was the only way both her and Raven knew how.

"I love the sound of that". Clarke smiled at her two friends. "But no horror movies..please"

Raven let out a slight chuckle. "Okay chicken".

Clarkes Sunday night was spent watching chick flicks with two of her best friends. She appreciated their company. Her mother came in every couple of hours to check on the blonde, and was relieved to know her friends were taking care of her.

* * *

Monday morning came around and Clarke woke up feeling completely and utterly depleted. She groaned as her hands rubbed her eyes. They ached. Her whole body ached, but she learnt to ignore it. She barely caught any sleep and the memories she kept of Wells and her Father haunted her thoughts and dreams. Despite the way she felt, the blonde decided the best thing for her was to carry on as normal. She wanted to go to school. She wanted to see her friends. _I want to see Lexa._

Clarkes bedroom door creaked open a little "Clarke?" Abby stepped in and made her way to sit next to her daughter. "You don't have to go to school if you're not up for it.."

Clarke cleared her throat and shook her head. "I need to get my mind off things, Mom" Abby understood. That's exactly one of the reasons why she enjoyed her work. Occupying your mind is a helpful coping mechanism and both Abby and Clarke knew this when they were left to deal with the death of Clarke's father.

Clarke got ready for school. She had English first thing, she was glad because she shared that class with Lexa. There was no denying she really liked Lexa, and the kisses they had shared made her feel on top of the world, but Clarke wasn't in the right state of mind to be thinking about her feelings for the girl. And Clarke sure as hell didn't want to drag Lexa down with her _problems._ The blonde made a mental note that she had to speak with the brunette today, about _them_ and what they are. _What are we?_

* * *

Raven and Octavia had filled Monty and Jasper in on what happened to Clarke's friend. They trusted the two to keep it on the down low and to make sure Clarke was okay at all times.

"Poor Clarke" Jasper said as he swiped his hand through his hair.

"That's awful" Monty added. "We'll look out for her, don't worry"

"Good, because she's coming to school today!" Raven locked her phone after she read Clarkes message and shoved it in her left pocket.

"What?" Octavia was surprised.

"Don't act so surprised, O. It's obvious she just wants to keep her mind off things. Like I said, we just have to be there for her" Raven looked at all of her friends. "Just be like normal, okay?" Everyone nodded.

A few minutes passed and Raven felt someone's hands, _very cold hands,_ place themselves over her eyes. Raven let out a little squeal when she felt icy fingers make contact with her skin. Then she heard the person laugh and sure enough Raven knew, _Anya._

Raven turned around and playfully slapped her. "Your hands are freezing!" Octavia and the boys were giggling in the background.

"Oh, so you aren't happy to see me?" Anya said as she flirtatiously raised her brow.

Raven smirked. "Of course I am" She looked Anya up and down, she was dressed in her usual style but Raven loved it. Wiggling her eyebrows, Raven bit her lip. "Damn girl, you lookin' mighty fine today". Flirting was a game they endlessly loved to play.

"So smooth Reyes, So smooth" Anya laughed as she wrapped her arm around the slightly shorter girl. She then looked up at Octavia, Monty and Jasper. "I'm going to be stealing her for a moment"

Octavia just gave both the girls a devilish grin "keep it PG, ladies"

"We won't" Anya joked.

 _Wait is she joking?_ Raven wasn't sure what Anya wanted, but she wasn't going to back out anytime soon.

Anya dragged the mechanic out of site from any students or teachers and pushed her up against the wall. She smirked at the girl, a smirk that Raven was well used to but still made her feel weak in the knees. Anya kissed Ravens neck softly. "I missed you" She whispered.

Raven let out a slight moan. Getting turned on at school was something that she never planned and something that has never happened before and she honestly wasn't sure how she was going to cope but she didn't want it to stop. She was grateful she wasn't a guy because she definitely had a huge lady boner right now. "I missed you too" Her smile was big and genuine. Anya loved that smile.

"I'd love to stay, and you know.." Anya winked.. "But I have something I need to ask.." Her face and tone now serious. Raven was still in a trance of sexual frustration. Her stare blank. "Raven?"

"Uh.. S..sorry" She laughed. "What's up?" She realized Anya's tone was now less flirty.

"What's wrong with Clarke? I'm usually not a nosy person, but Lexa isn't her usual self either and when something concerns Lex, it concerns me" Anya was very protective over Lexa, but she was unquestionably concerned about Clarke too.

"Clarkes friend passed away Saturday morning, She told Lexa but im not sure how much of the story she knows" Anya's face dropped. She shook her head in disbelief.

"Shit" She was finding it hard to form her words. "That's terrible and it definitely explains Lexa's moods"

Raven was still suspicious of Lexa, she knew the girls previous record included nothing but one night stands and maintaining different friends with benefits, that was Lexa, and that's how everyone at Arkadia saw her as, she worried about Clarke in that sense. "Are they a thing?"

"What do you mean?" Anya was a little confused but then quickly caught on "Oh.. Uh.. Clarke and Lexa?" She paused, because Anya wasn't even sure herself. She knew Lexa was into Clarke and that they had some sort of connection. "Look, Lexa is complicated.. But Clarke is different for her" That's all she could say.

Raven just nodded. "I hope.." She took Anya's hand and looked her in the eyes. "Because I don't want my best friend hurt anymore than she already is"

Anya understood quite clearly. She worried about Lexa in the same way. Staring right back into Ravens eyes, Anya just nodded and a quick peck was placed upon Ravens cheek, they shared small smiles just before the school bell rang.

"Fuck, I have Math" Anya groaned.

"Yes! I have engineering" Raven was clearly excited. Anya smiled.

"That's hot" She winked at Raven.

"If you think that's hot you should totally swing by the garage I work at" Raven pulled Anya closer by her hips.

"Mmm won't say no to that-"

"Raven!" Monty startled the two girls.

Anya gave the boy a death stare. _If looks could kill._

"Jeez Mon, way to sneak up on someone" Raven gave Anya a small smile as they went their separate ways.

"Quick we'll be late for class".

* * *

During English class Lexa and Clarke shared small smiles. All Lexa wanted to do was make sure the blonde was okay, although Clarke looked as she always did and was fully focused, Lexa knew deep down that she must be swimming in her own despondent thoughts.

The class ended and the two walked out of the room together, walking thoughtlessly close to one another. Sharing smiles once again. "Did you sleep okay, Clarke?" _I know you didn't._

"Yes" Clarke wasn't fooling anyone, her tired red eyes gave her away.

"That's good" _Clarke you don't have to lie to me. I understand._

The two girls now disappointed in the fact that they both had to make their way to separate classes. Lexa had P.E and Clarke had Art. Art was good, in fact, Art was great. Art was something Clarke could get lost in. You know? Create a whole new world to escape the harsh realities of the real one. That's one of the things she loved most about it.

"Can I talk to you at Lunch?" Clarke looked down at the ground when she asked. She felt queasy at the thought of speaking to Lexa about _them._

"Of course, Clarke" Lexa gave Clarke yet another small smile. "Do you want to meet at the library?"

Clarke just nodded and forced a smile back at Lexa. She was pretending she was okay. And Lexa could see right through her. "Can.. Can I have a hug?"

With no hesitation Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke. Taking in the scent from her, her fingers caught in her blonde locks. At one point Lexa could of sworn she felt Clarkes jaw tighten. Usually a sign of someone holding back their urge to cry. She pulled back and looked at Clarke right in her beautiful blue eyes. "Time heals, Clarke" She whispered.

Clarke felt as if Lexa understood her, everything about her from her actions to what she felt. She couldn't quite explain how the comforting vibes brought on by Lexa made her feel somewhat at ease, made her feel like Lexa made it easier for her, just being there.

* * *

"That smile is creepy, don't do it" Raven joked as she noticed Octavia checking out her boyfriend from across the courtyard.

"Excuse me? You can't talk! That's the way you look at your girlfriend!" Octavia shot back playfully.

"Raven Reyes has no girlfriend" Raven wasn't wrong. Her and Anya were just _dating?_ It wasn't official.

"Pfft. Okay" Octavia rolled her eyes. Just as she was about to say some other smart assed remark about Raven and Anya, an unwanted figure sat right in between them.

Raven turned to the person that had just placed themselves beside her, a look of hatred appeared on her face. "Get the fuck away from me Finn" She said through gritted teeth.

Octavia was shaking her head. Finn never let up.

"Why wasn't I invited to the party?" Finn was oblivious to the fact he annoyed everyone around him all the time. He wasn't very popular mainly because, well, he's a fuckwit. "Raven baby, you gotta stop being so upset abou-"

"FINN, FUCK OFF" Raven was mad. Infact mad was an understatement, she stood up and faced the boy. "God Finn, you don't get it do you? You're a tool and I don't even know what I fucking saw in you. You're a coward and nobody fucking likes you so make yourself scarce or I will break your nose again, got it?"

Octavia was now standing up beside Raven, she never quite understood why Finn antagonized her, whether he done it on purpose was unknown or was he just that fucking stupid?

"Woah, easy sweet cheeks" He said standing up and raising his arms in defense. By now there were a few groups of students watching all the commotion. "You need to get over it, babe"

"Babe? BABE? DON'T FUCKING CALL ME BA-" Raven cut herself off. There was no point for all this. _Maybe this is what he wants. A reaction out of me._ She took a deep breath.

Somehow even Lincoln heard the little scenario that was unfolding, he quickly made his way over. After all, he was friends with Finn, wasn't he? "Finn dude, what are you doing?"

"Being a jerk, what's new?" Octavia's response was sharp.

"I was just asking the girls why I wasn't invited to the party and Raven went all bitchy on me, she's crazy" Raven shook her head at Finns words.

"Man, listen to yourself. That's exactly why you weren't invited.. You have no respect for girls or anyone for that matter" Lincoln was fed up. He couldn't stick up for the other boy anymore. "Dude you're on your own, I'm no longer friends with you"

"Whatever man, you're an asshole. I'm out" Finn raised his hands once more and backed away.

Once out of sight Octavia looked at Raven. "Are you okay?" Raven nodded. She was okay but Finn always knew how to strike every one of her nerves. _I regret dating him. What the fuck did I even see in him?_

* * *

Lexa waited patiently in the schools library for the blonde to arrive. She wasn't quite sure what Clarke wanted to talk about, and something made her slightly nervous about it. _Get a grip. You're Lexa fucking Woods._

"Hi" Clarke had finally arrived, she made her way slowly to the brunette.

"Hey, Clarke"

They both sat down at one of the tables. Sure to be seated away from anybody else. Clarke put her head in her hands. She thought she could handle this but she was struggling. "I can't stop thinking.." She murmured.

Lexa felt a little tug at her heart. She didn't like seeing Clarke hurt. She put her hand on Clarke's back and began rubbing softly. "Did you want to talk about it?"

Clarke shook her head. "No" She paused. "Not here"

Lexa thought maybe Clarke didn't want to speak to her about it, maybe she was best talking to Raven or Octavia or even her mother. "Okay, Clarke".

"I mean, not yet. But I do..i do want to talk to you.. About it" She looked Lexa in those big forest green eyes that she surely adored, the ones that made her melt just from a short glance. "Lexa.. I don't know what it is.. But" This was harder than She thought. Lexa's eyes seemed like they were seeing right through her, the strong focus from Lexa was putting Clarke off. She wanted to look down at Lexa's lips, but not in this moment, she couldn't bring herself to. "But something about you really calms me" She cleared her throat a little, their eyes still making strong contact. "And.. I really like you Lexa" And there it was. Lexa wasn't expecting that exactly.

Lexa wasn't sure how to respond. _I like you too, Clarke._ "Okay" Was the only word Lexa could form.

"But whatever is going on between us" Clarke motioned between the two of them "I'm not ready for.. Not yet". _I like you so much Lexa, but you don't need my problems.._

Lexa was taken aback. A slight pain in her chest formed and she wasn't quite sure why it was harder for her to breathe. _Okay but what the fuck is wrong with me?_ "Clarke, it's okay.." Was it okay? "I want to be your friend.. I want to be there for you, I know-" Lexa paused for a moment. _Should I tell her that I know how she feels? The pain that's consuming her, should I tell her that I felt that once before?_ "I mean I guess I know what you're talking about, I'm here for you, Clarke".

"Thank you, Lexa." Clarke put her hand on top of the brunettes "Something about you just makes it easier for me, you just get me, sorta, I don't know" Clarke shrugged a little. How could she explain something she didn't understand herself?

Lexa smiled slightly and gave a small nod. "Sometimes people just connect, friends, family-" She stopped, _lovers._ "I'm glad we can be friends"

"Me too"

They shared smiles once again. Clarke was saddened at the fact they couldn't be anymore at this point in time, and she wasn't even entirely sure if Lexa was on the same page as her. Lexa never admitted her feelings to Clarke, and Lexa felt stupid about that, she was in between questioning her feelings and coming to terms with them. Being _just friends_ would surely test them. They both knew this meant no kissing or anything like that. Did they underestimate just how strong their connection may be?


	8. Chapter 8 - Carnival

**I'm sorry this story seems to be a little dark at the moment, this chapter is happier and I promise you it will get better for Clarke and I promise lots of cute Clexa stuff ahead as well as Anya and Raven fluff. Thank you for the kind reviews, please continue to leave more. I'm open to any suggestions and advice.**

Chapter 8 - Carnival

The rain was pelting down on the windshield of the car. Stuck in a trance Clarke watched the droplets run down the passenger side window. Both her and her mother were on their way home form their old hometown after attending Wells' funeral. They had caught up with his father, Thelonious. They couldn't quite understand how he was coping with the death of his son, and something told them he was very good at hiding his true emotions. Abby had hugged him and told him to call her anytime. At times like this, there wasn't much anyone could do but mourn the death of a loved one together. Thelonious had offered the same support when Clarke's father passed away.

"Do you want to get ice cream?" Clarke was startled by the sound of Abby's voice. She turned and looked at her mother. Sadness still sat upon their eyes. Today was a hard day for the both of them.

"Ice cream? It's not really the type of day for ice cream?" Clarke replied as she turned to face the window again, looking out at the horrible weather.

"It never stopped you when you were little" Abby said as a smile appeared on her face thinking about the times when little Clarke would kill for ice cream, no matter what type of day it was.

Clarke also gave a small smile at the thought. She then thought about Wells and how they'd often go out for ice cream together with their fathers. Her smile dropped and her eyes began to water but she held back, still glancing out the passenger side window so her mother couldn't see her face. "I grew up". Abby could hear a small crack in Clarkes voice and could tell without even looking at her daughter that she was on the verge of tears again.

15 minutes had passed, Abby had turned the car radio on to break the silence. Clarke felt a little bad, she had been distant from her mother and she was probably hurting just as bad as Clarke. The blonde then reached over and turned the radio off. Abby looked at her with questioning eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mom" Clarke murmured.

Abby shook her head. "Sweetheart, don't be sorry" She gave Clarke a reassuring smile.

"Are we almost home?" Clarke asked as she unlocked her phone to check the time. _5:35 pm._

"Yes, another half hour"

"Do you want to get takeout and watch reruns of Friends once we're home?" Clarke gave her mother a hint of a smile.

Abby's smile grew after hearing her daughters proposal "I'd love to".

A few hours later Clarke and Abby found themselves curled up on their sofa, Clarke's head on her mother's shoulder. After eating giant burgers from the new take out place in town, Clarke let out a large belch. "Pardon me" Clarke grinned, she was disgustingly proud of herself. Abby let out a soft chuckle. _Just like your father, Clarke._ The day was very draining for the both of them, it would still remain difficult for a while. But they had each other, Clarke also had her amazing friends.

Moments like these Abby cherished. Clarke had grown into a beautiful young lady so fast. The blonde would be 17 in two weeks but Clarke hadn't even thought anything about that.

* * *

It was the day after the funeral. Clarke felt a little more herself today, she started her morning off by sketching the view outside her bedroom window, making sure she captured the detail of the branches and leaves of the big tree in their front yard. Her mother brought her in a nice hot cup of coffee and admired the artwork her daughter was constructing. "You get better every day, Clarke". The blonde smiled and looked down at her work.

"Thanks, Mom" She continued to add in the fine detail.

Moments later Clarkes phone buzzed, more than once, in fact it buzzed a lot but she ignored it. It took her about 15 minutes to look, as she was too focused on her drawing to stop.

 **Octavia 10:35 am** : so are we going to the carnival tonight?

 **Raven 10:35 am:** hell yeah!

 **Monty 10:36 am:** I'm keen

 **Raven 10:37 am:** Im going to invite Anya

 **Octavia 10:37 am:** your "not" girlfriend?

 **Raven 10:38 am:** yes my not girlfriend, she's just really hot and a good kisser ;)

 **Octavia 10:39 am:** well im inviting Lincoln

 **Jasper 10:40 am:** sweet I hope there's a kissing booth with hot girls

 **Monty 10:41 am:** dude is that all you think about?

 **Octavia 10:42 am:** Jas you really need a gf

 **Raven 10:43 am:** he already has two, lefty and righty

 **Octavia 10:45 am:** GROSS RAVEN

Clarke shook her head and let out a slight chuckle after reading the conversation her friends were having.

 **Clarke 10:50 am:** not the picture I wanted in my head, thanks Raven

 **Monty 10:51 am:** you and me both Clarke

 **Raven 10:53 am:** LOL you love me guys

 **Octavia 10:54 am** : sadly that is true

 **Jasper 10:54 am:** I bet I can pick up a girl tonight and prove you all wrong

 **Raven 10:55 am:** I bet you $50 you can't

 **Jasper 10:56 am:** you're on Reyes

 **Raven 10:57 am:** going to be the easiest $50 I've ever made ;p

 **Monty 10:57 am:** Clarke, are you coming tonight?

 **Clarke 10:58 am:** I guess, sounds fun

 **Raven 10:59 am:** good because I just invited both Anya and Lexa ;)

Clarke smiled at that. _Lexa._ Sure, they were only friends, but that didn't stop the blonde from crushing on her. Or thinking about the way her lips felt on her own. Or the way Lexa's hands felt as they grabbed at her hips that time in the closet or... _GAH GET A GRIP CLARKE._

But How could she not think of those things? Her feelings for the brunette were obvious to everyone after the way the hit it off at Bellamy's party. Almost a week had passed since her confession in the schools library, and just like they planned Clarke and Lexa remained friends. Lexa had even been to Clarkes house twice since then for study sessions with the blonde. You see, Clarke loved having Lexa around, more than anyone else, but she had to keep that to herself, _for now. God this is the worst crush._

* * *

"We're going out soon, Lex, put something decent on" Anya said as she looked at the gym clothes Lexa was wearing. She was lounging on the sofa eating a bowl of cereal.

"What? Where?" Confusion filled Lexa's face.

"Oh, I thought Clarke would have told you" Lexa's heart starting racing just at the sound of Clarkes name and the milk from her cereal dribbled from the side of her mouth. She quickly wiped it off hoping Anya wouldn't notice.

"Clarke?"

"Oh my god you're literally drooling over her" Anya began to laugh.

"Fuck off, Anya" Lexa slammed her now empty bowl on the coffee table in front of her.

"Jeez, I'm sorry, what's wrong?" Anya wasn't fooled. She knew Lexa's feelings for Clarke were more than the brunette could handle.

Lexa took in a deep breath. Usually boxing calmed her but today it didn't. She was still irritated, in fact she was always irritated lately. "Nothing". _Lie._

"Maybe it would do you good to get out of the house for a bit, come on Lex, the carnival will be fun"

Lexa nodded "Okay".

Lexa wasn't going to say no, I mean Clarke was going to be there. Lexa loved spending time with Clarke, no matter what they were doing. But at the same time, the blonde made it hard for her to breathe. Lexa felt like her feelings were consuming her, she could hardly handle them they were all too much. The thought of Clarke against her was a thought that constantly entered her mind, the thought of the blondes lips on hers and the way their eyes connect at random times but they play it off as nothing. _Just friends._ Those words? Lexa couldn't quite understand if those words hurt her or relieved her. She couldn't understand just why Clarke Griffin made her feel like she wasn't in control. _Because that's just it._ She wasn't in control and that scared Lexa. She was used to swallowing her feelings, burying them and forcing them to disappear but the feelings she held for Clarke? Well, it wasn't that easy. And that's why Lexa was in a constant battle with her own mind and heart.

Lexa had been completely thrown off balance since Clarke walked into her life. She hadn't been with any other girl in weeks since she met Clarke, and usually Lexa found herself with a different girl every weekend. Maybe that's what she needed, a different girl to fool around with to get over Clarke. But then the blue eyed girls voice echoed through Lexa's mind. _Not yet._ What does that mean? What does that mean for Lexa? Lexa didn't want a relationship, she was sworn off relationships ever since Costia shattered her heart into a million pieces. Lexa was broken. The only things that kept her sane were Anya and boxing. But right now? That wasn't enough. Clarke was driving her crazy. And still, Lexa agreed to going out tonight just to see the blonde, and for what? _She needs someone there, someone that understands._ Lexa knew Clarke had many friends that would help Clarke, but did they understand the blonde like she did? _Fuck, I'm going crazy. I don't know what to do._

* * *

"Hey girl!" Raven greeted Clarke as she walked out the front door of her house, arms wrapping around the blonde, Clarke returned the hug and smiled.

"Hey Raven, Thanks for picking me up, I-"

"Shut up, don't thank me Griff, I'd do anything for you baby" Raven winked and that made Clarke laugh. She loved Ravens silly antics.

The two made their way to the carnival. Meeting up with Octavia, Lincoln, Monty and Jasper. They got out of the car and made their way over to their group. Clarke and Raven were both greeted by their friends, hugs where shared. A voice then shouted out Octavia's name, the group looked up and their eyes were met with the sight of Bellamy walking towards them with a charming smile, followed by Murphy and Niylah tagging behind him.

"Fancy seeing you here little sis" He wrapped his arm around his sister's shoulder.

Octavia rolled her eyes "I literally invited you".

After an hour of screams of joy and laughter flowed through their bodies, Clarke had found herself enjoying the time she was spending with her friends, every sad and distressed thought that was pinned in her mind over the past week had disappeared for the time being. Raven kept making jokes that had the group laughing until they couldn't breathe. Octavia and Lincoln had smiles painted on their faces the whole time as they were hand in hand. Bellamy was being an idiot but it was quite amusing to the group nonetheless. Murphy and Niylah were telling stories about their school and how Bellamy nearly has every girl swooning over him, the smile couldn't be wiped off Bellamy's smug face.

The group found themselves at a ring toss stall. One of the many carnival games that were undeniably rigged. Bellamy and Lincoln decided to have a little contest between themselves, Raven then jumped in and included herself, she was always up for a challenge especially against the boys. They all lined up ready to see who could get the most rings tossed onto the pole. They all had 5 rings each, Bellamy and Lincoln managed to get 3 on. The whole group were heard cheering.

"Come on Lincoln, I want a stuffed animal" Octavia pleaded.

Raven surprisingly had gotten all 4 on and was setting herself up to toss the last ring when two arms snaked around her waist. Her last just toss just missed.

"Fuck, are you kidding me, I totally had tha-" Raven turned around and cut herself off when her eyes met with the girl that just so happened to distract her.

"Oooh feisty, I like that in a woman" Anya joked and immediately noticed the way Ravens face lit up when she realized it was her.

"Bitch" Raven smirked at the girl in front of her. Anya's arm swung over and rested on Raven's shoulders. The guy running the ring toss stall handed Raven a small teddy bear, it was nothing compared to the giant stuffed animals she was aiming to get but she still received her prize with pride.

Lexa was awkwardly standing a few steps away, she greeted Clarke and was happy to hear and witness the blonde was feeling better. _Maybe she doesn't need me after all._ Lexa's breath hitched a little when Clarke flashed her a smile. She smiled back. Their eyes making a connection like they always did like they were screaming things their mouths couldn't.

Their small moment was interrupted when Raven threw the teddy bear to Clarke "Think fast". Clarke only just caught the bear and smiled when she looked up at Raven. "For you, baby"

"Thanks Raven, but shouldn't you be giving this to Anya" Clarke laughed and couldn't miss the way Lexa tensed up when Raven called her _baby._

"She doesn't deserve it because she put me off my game" Raven looked at Anya and poked her tongue out.

"You're childish" The group laughed at Anya and Raven as they began to flirt with insults.

* * *

Lexa felt left out, so many people around her yet she felt alone. Sure she loved seeing Clarke and being around her, but Clarke's attention was also shared with the rest of her friends. Anya's attention was mainly with Raven, _predictable._ Lexa hardly knew these people and had only spent time with them at Bellamy's party but she was drunk then and it was easier. Lexa was always one to be alone, if not the only company she shared was Anya's, a girl she intended having fun with or occasionally the 'rebel' crowd they were seen with at school.

Before a certain blonde arrived at Arkadia high. Lexa defined her life as _simple._ She spent nights with pretty girls and she was fully focused on boxing. But now? Nights with pretty girls don't exist because the only pretty girl Lexa can think about is Clarke. But she can't have Clarke. _I don't deserve Clarke. Clarke doesn't need me._ Her efforts in boxing have dropped and her coach has been on her back the past week. She tries her hardest to concentrate but she is being dragged down by her own thoughts and emotions and its _draining_ her.

The group had been walking around the carnival, playing different carnival games, going on rides, buying cotton candy, toffee apples and show bags.

"Hey, Lex, are you okay?" Anya asked Lexa quietly making sure no one could hear.

Lexa shook her head. "I don't fit in" She whispered back.

"You need to relax, just try and enjoy yourself" Anya studied Lexa's face as concern fell over hers. "Look, Clarke is over there, go talk to her, be her _friend_ like you said you would".

She nodded slightly just before Raven pulled Anya away from her and into a kiss. Lexa was happy for Anya, she knew her best friend really liked Raven and it was rare for Anya to actually like _like_ someone.

The group had made their way to the food area after Octavia complained about starving to death. The sun was setting and it was almost dark. Lights began to turn on and the carnival was lit up with bright colors. They all sat down at the largest table they could find, it wasn't quite large enough but they managed to squish together. Lexa made sure she was sitting next to Clarke, but was also squished up against Anya. Raven sat on Anya's lap.

"Finally, my legs are killing me" Octavia complained.

"I swear, O, all you do is complain" The group laughed at Ravens comment, essentially agreeing with her. Octavia pouted but a smile was plastered on her face when Lincoln kissed her cheek.

"I don't know about you guys, but nachos sound pretty good to me" Monty stated as he scanned over the cardboard carnival menu. "What about the rest of you?"

"Burger" Clarke and Lexa said in unison. They both looked at each other and laughed. Clarkes laugh echoed through Lexa's body. That sound was compelling to Lexa. There was nothing about Clarke that Lexa didn't find beautiful. _She's flawless._ Clarke crinkled her nose as her laugh died down into a grin, still looking into Lexa's bright forest green eyes. Both their pupils dilated. Lexa couldn't help but dart her eyes down to Clarkes lips and then back up to her eyes. _What the fuck, Lexa._ The brunette's mind felt chaotic. The blonde didn't miss a beat and Clarke was pretty much the same. Lexa's smile was so attractive and Clarke couldn't help but notice the way Lexa's biceps flexed even at the most simplest tasks.

The rest of the night Clarke and Lexa shared laughs and smiles as their group walked around the carnival. Lexa's mind still felt like the rapids of a rough stream. She couldn't make heads to tails of the things Clarke made her feel, she tried her best to set those thoughts aside and listen to what Anya said _be her friend._ It was difficult because friends don't look at each other the way Clarke and Lexa do. Friends didn't have thoughts about kissing their friends. _No._

The two spent the remainder of the night sharing short glances and making jokes. Lexa noticed the way Clarke walked with a slight sway in her step and Clarke noticed the way Lexa clenched her jaw at times and she found it _solidly attractive._ The rest of the group noticed that Clarke and Lexa's attention was mostly on each other, but all of them silently decided that the two girls would work it out for themselves. Anya especially, she knew Clarke was special for Lexa. She had known Lexa her whole life, if anyone could tell it would definitely be Anya. Sometimes Anya knew Lexa better than Lexa knew herself.

* * *

Clarke slumped herself over her bed. She had a great night with her friends and she couldn't wipe the smile off her face. Clarkes thoughts then flickered to Lexa and how toned her arms looked, Clarke bit her bottom lip and _WHAT AM I DOING._ The blonde rolled over onto her stomach and groaned into her pillow. _Lexa._

 **Clarke 10:43 pm:** I had a great time guys

 **Monty 10:43 pm:** same here

 _Bellamy was added to the group by Octavia_

 _Niylah was added to the group by Octavia_

 _Murphy was added to the group by Octavia_

 **Jasper 10:45 pm:** I didn't, I lost $50 to Raven

 **Octavia 10:46 pm:** that's your own fault dip weed

 **Niylah 10:47 pm:** was a great night for sure

 **Murphy 10:47 pm:** ^^^

 **Bellamy 10:48 pm:** you should invite me out more often lil sis

 **Octavia 10:49 pm** : if you behave

 **Clarke 10:50 pm:** where's Raven?

* * *

"Can you at least have the decency to wait until I'm in my room before you start being gross all over the furniture?" Lexa protested.

Anya laughed but it was muffled by Ravens lips. They fell onto the couch. Lexa shook her head, _clearly not,_ and made her way to her room slamming the door behind her.

"Mmmm you're a really good kisser" Raven managed to say between kisses.

"As are you, cutie" Anya said just before she took Raven's bottom lip between her teeth.

Anya laid on her back, while Raven laid on top of her, straddling her sides. Anya rested her hands on Ravens hips, while Raven had one hand behind Anya's neck and one on her shoulder. Both girls wanted more and Anya could feel the hunger in the way Raven's lips moved against hers. Tongues were sliding against each other. The kisses were hard and sloppy but _so good._ At moments their teeth would clash and little moans would escape their mouths. Anya could feel the wetness grow in her underwear as she felt the heat between Raven's legs on her stomach.

Anya flipped the mechanic over so that she was on top. Taking full control, Anya moved her hand up Ravens shirt and under her bra, cupping her breast firmly. Raven threw her head back slightly, Anya then took the opportunity to connect her lips to Raven's neck. Kissing, nibbling and marking. She left a trail of little love bites. Raven whimpered when Anya's knee made contact with her heated center. Both girls were well worked up, their faces flustered, they had never gone this far before. Just as Anya began tugging at the rim of Raven's jeans, Raven grabbed her hands. Anya felt a little foolish, but that washed over when Raven brought her close again and kissed her softly.

"I'm sorry, I'm not.. Ready..yet". Raven breathed out.

Anya gave the girl a small sweet smile. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"No, babe" Raven entwined her fingers with Anya. "It's okay". Anya dipped her head down, kissing Raven softly again. "Maybe you should take me on a date first" Raven kissed her and Anya smiled into the kiss.

"Sure, I'd love that, cutie" They remained smiling at each other. Anya wasn't usually one to be a romantic sap but if it was for Raven Reyes _fuck yeah._

"This doesn't mean we can't make out" Raven grabbed Anya again as they proceeded to make out on the living room sofa. This time it was sweet, not as heated as before but still just as amazing.


	9. Chapter 9 - I Know How You Feel

Chapter 9 - I Know How You Feel

This lunch break was different. Raven convinced her friends to hang out with Anya's group and Lincoln was quite fond of the idea as he got along with most of them pretty well. Octavia clung to Lincoln like glue, the two were inseparable. Raven sat next to Anya and they were flirting continuously, _what's new?,_ Clarke thought. Monty and Jasper seemed to be keeping to themselves until a very intimidating guy sat between the two, he was dressed in leather from head to toe and Clarke was pretty sure she saw him a few times arrive at school on a motorcycle. The guy clearly did this on purpose to somewhat scare the two boys and they looked as if they were near wetting their pants. Clarke chuckled at the expressions on their faces. The two groups got on surprisingly well but there was something missing, or should I say _someone.. Where's Lexa?_

Anya could read Clarke like a book. The blonde was constantly checking her surroundings to see if she could spot a certain green eyed girl.

"She's got detention" Anya stated, her smirk grew as Clarke's cheeks flushed a slight red.

"What?" _Wait.. Does Anya know I was thinking about Lexa?_

"Lexa.. She didn't complete her homework for biology so now she's in detention..". Clarke smiled and gave a little nod, still unsure of how to react to the fact Anya was a fucking good mind reader. "I mean, that's if you were wondering" Anya winked because she knew 100% that that's what Clarke was wondering.

"Oh, okay" Clarke tried to play it off as nothing as her cheeks were still showing a flush of red. Octavia and Raven now catching on. Their eyes plastered on the blonde. Octavia laughed but they decided that was enough embarrassment for Clarke for one day. The blonde was relieved her friends didn't say anything, especially Raven with her fearless comments.

Moments passed and Clarke shook herself out of her flushed state. She was talking to a few of Anya's friends, they seemed nice. One particular girl introduced herself to Clarke.

"Hey, I'm Ontari" The girl smiled. She had a scar on her left cheek and Clarke thought it was best not to ask where it came from.

"Hi, I'm Clarke" She said, smiling back.

"So I've heard"

 _What did that mean? Does Lexa talk about me?.. What no, that's ridiculous._

The two continued their conversation, Clarke talked about her art and Ontari talked about her band.

"You play in a band? That's pretty cool" Clarke enjoyed talking to the dark haired girl, her personality was intriguing.

"Oh Clarke, Careful, don't go falling for this one too" Raven joked but Clarke took it quite harshly. She gave Raven a death glare. Ontari sat there feeling a little awkward, as did the rest of the students. _Why does that make me feel so angry? I like Lexa, but I wouldn't say I've "fallen" for her.. I mean that's just ridiculous._ or was it? _And now Ontari is probably going to think I'm a freak, thanks Raven.._

"What do you mean by 'Falling for this one too'?" Ontari asked. Clarke tensed up and Raven could see. When Clarke looked back up at Ontari there was a playful smirk sitting on her face. Quickly realizing Ontari had jumped on the 'Lets tease Clarke' bandwagon, Clarke continued her glare at the mechanic.

"The only falling that will be happening is my iced tea falling on Raven's head if she's not careful" Clarke shot back. Raven laughed.

"I'd like to see you try, Blondie" She smirked and Clarke let out a little chuckle. She could never stay mad at Raven.

"Hey, are we still on for tonight?" Clarke asked suddenly remembering they had organized a movie night at Clarke's place after school. Also, changing the subject was Clarke's full intentions right now.

"Tonight..?" Raven seemed a little confused. "Oh tonight! I'm sorry, I totally forgot.. Uh, me and Anya kinda have a date tonight". A few people let out some 'ooooohs', inluding Ontari and Octavia, as soon as Raven announced their date.

"Shut up, idiots" Anya spat. She wasn't one to look like a softie in front of her usual crowd, but you wouldn't think that with the way Anya had her head resting on Raven's shoulder right now. She quickly regained herself and sat up straight. A few glares were thrown towards her friends.

"Sorry Clarke, I have soccer practice tonight" Octavia said as she looked at the blonde.

"Tonight? But it's Wednesday, O, you usually have practice Tuesday and Thursday" Clarke pouted.

"I know, but coach is punishing us for our terrible loss last weekend" Octavia rolled her eyes.

Clarke turned to face Monty and Jasper who still seemed to be quite terrified of the dude sitting in between them. "What about you two?"

"Sorry Clarke, I have a family dinner" Monty said with sorry eyes.

"And I will be busy.. Playing Cod.. And -"

"Its fine" Clarke cut Jasper off. She didn't want to be stuck alone with Jasper anyway, it would be a little awkward. She liked the kid, _but no._

The blonde sighed. She was looking forward to the movie night with her friends. Her mother was going to be working super late tonight so she would be home alone and she hated that. In a desperate plea she turned to Ontari. "What about you?"

The girl laughed. "I have band practice nearly every weeknight, but we should totally hang out sometime" Ontari gave Clarke a smile.

Clarke lowered her head into her hands. "No one loves me"

"Aww Clarkey" Raven cooed sarcastically. "Lexa does". The group laughed, especially Anya.

Clarke immediately shot her head up and glared at Raven once again. "You must really want this iced tea on your head, huh?"

* * *

Clarke made it home that evening and threw herself on her bed. She wasn't in the mood for drawing or painting, she had to be inspired by something to do that and right now her mind was blank. This wasn't good for Clarke. This is when her mind usually wanders, and she was still recovering from losing her childhood best friend. The blonde hated being alone with her thoughts, she didn't like being sad, she didn't like being pessimistic. She hesitantly pulled her phone from her pocket.

 **Clarke 4:07pm:** Hey did you wanna hang tonight?

Clarke was relieved for the quick response.

 **Lexa 4:08pm:** I have boxing right now. I finish at 6:30 though

 _Boxing? Lexa is a boxer.._ Clarkes mind couldn't help but think of Lexa in the boxing ring. In a crop top and shorts. Toned body. Sweaty. The blonde was practically drooling. _Fuck._

 **Clarke 4:09pm:** That's okay, you can come over after? Was just thinking of a movie night and all my friends bailed on me so..

 **Lexa 4:10pm:** Im a little sad to know I was your last choice, Clarke

Clarke felt a little bad. _I didn't mean it to come off like that._

 **Clarke 4:11pm:** I was going to ask you at lunchtime but somebody had detention for not doing her biology homework. Maybe you should bring that over too so I can help you.. again

 **Lexa 4:13pm:** biology is boring as fuck, I can't help that.

 **Clarke 4:13pm:** please come

 **Lexa 4:14pm:** I'll be over later, you better have good movies and good food.

Clarke smiled at that. Lexa was her favorite person to spend time with even if Clarke tried to deny it.

 **Clarke 4:14pm:** As you wish Commander

 **Lexa 4:15pm:** lol commander?

 **Clarke 4:16pm:** idk, the name fits you

 **Lexa 4:17pm:** I like it

 **Lexa 4:17pm:** I have to go my coach is on my back again, c u later x

* * *

"I don't have time to take you back and then take you to Clarkes" Anya said as Lexa climbed into the car.

"I can't turn up like this! Look at me!" Lexa was in her crop top and shorts. Her body glistening with sweat making her toned body stand out.

"Uh, im pretty sure Clarke wouldn't mind" Anya teased. "Lex, I'm sorry! I promised Raven I'd pick her up before 7". Lexa lowered her head in defeat.

"Fine". _Out of all the days why must today be the day I forget my hoodie._ Lexa had no other clothes to put on.

 **Lexa 6:43pm:** this is probably weird but can I shower at your place?

 **Clarke 6:44pm:** sure but what's wrong with your shower?

 **Lexa 6:44pm:** I just finished boxing and Anya doesn't have time to take me home

 **Clarke 6:45pm:** oh right her and Raven have their first date *heart eyes emoji*

 **Lexa 6:47pm:** they are disgustingly gross

 **Clarke 6:48pm:** disgustingly cute

 **Lexa 6:49pm:** you did not have to see them almost making babies on all of the furniture in our apartment

 **Clarke 6:51pm:** OMG!

 **Clarke 6:52pm:** hurry up and get here, I miss you

Lexa could feel her face burning up a little and the tips of her ears turned red. Those words _I miss you_ made Lexa's heart flutter. The sides of her mouth twitched up.

"Did Clarke send you a nude?" Anya had noticed the way Lexa smiled at her phone.

Lexa's face only seemed to be burning up more and Anya couldn't contain her laughter. "No!" Lexa punched her in the arm. Anya kept the amused look on her face.

 _Clarke naked. Lexa. Stop thinking about that._ She tried her best to recollect herself but it was hopeless. _Clarke nudes. Naked Clarke. Omg. STOP, THIS IS WRONG._ Friends weren't supposed to think of each other that way.

"We're here" Anya said snapping Lexa out of her sinful thoughts.

"Oh"

 **Lexa 6:55pm:** Im here!

* * *

"I've never been to Grounders before" Raven stated as her and Anya walked hand in hand towards the restaurant.

"Well it's mine and Lex's favorite place to eat" Anya smiled. She loved having Raven beside her. In her past relationships no one has ever made Anya feel the way Raven does. Raven was very smart, witty and had the best sense of humor. _I bet she looks sexy working on cars too._ Anya thought as she smirked to herself.

"What are you smirking at?" Raven caught her.

Anya looked Raven in the eyes. "You're hot" She winked.

"Well you aren't too bad yourself" A playful grin rest upon her face.

Moments later the two found themselves sitting opposite each other on a small table, playing footsies as they looked over the menu.

"Grounder Pounder Burger"

"What?" Raven was confused. _Did she say something about pounding?_

Anya gave a soft smile. "That's what I'm getting, the Grounder Pounder Burger"

"Oh! That sounds intense" Raven smirked.

"Oh, it is" Anya winked and the two let out soft chuckles.

"I shall get the same then"

"Sure you can handle it, cutie?" Anya still had a very hefty grin.

"Damn right I can" Raven winked and the two chuckled once again knowing they both had very dirty minds.

The two were a little disappointed they were unable to purchase some nice wine for the occasion, they had to settle for water instead. Being underage had many disadvantages.

* * *

Clarkes face when Lexa had entered her house was priceless, the blonde was lost for words. Lexa couldn't help but grin, she was very proud of her body but Clarkes reaction also made her feel odd, something she had never felt before. Most girls thought she was hot, Lexa knew that and she was always so smug about it. But when Clarke looked at her like _that_ when she walked into her home made Lexa feel somewhat diffident. Why? Because Lexa admired and adored Clarke to the point that no one and nothing could ever come close as to being so beautiful and pure as Clarke Griffin. _I don't even know why she let me kiss her, she is way too good to be hanging around with the likes of me._

The brunette was now showering in Clarkes bathroom while Clarke was making pasta. _I hope Lexa likes pasta, who doesn't like pasta?_ She made it for her mum every now and then, it was her father's recipe and she had always helped him make it when she was growing up. At that moment Clarke started thinking again, about her childhood. The memories that she held in her heart and would cherish forever. Her father, Wells. _Oh Wells._ Clarke shook her head. _No, no I'm not doing this now._ She forced the lump back down her throat and licked her lips. Tears in her eyes but she held it back, to stubborn to let them fall.

"Clarke?" The blonde quickly regained her composure. Clearing her throat she made her way upstairs to see what it is Lexa wanted.

"Lexa?" She called. Now waiting at the bathroom door.

"Uh..Clarke?"

"Can I come in?"

"No!" Lexa said it rather quickly. "Im..Im not decent".

Clarke's face flushed red and she settled for a small smile. _Naked Lexa. Fuck. Why._ Friends shouldn't think of friends in that way, right? _Her body..._

"Clarke are you still there?" Lexa asked after Clarke remained silent for a moment. The blonde shook herself out of her dirty thoughts at the sound of Lexa's voice.

"Uh..mm..uh.. Yes. Sorry. Yes. What do you need?"

"Can I borrow a change of clothes?" Lexa was standing with the towel draped around her, shivering.

"Of course" Clarke made her way to her room and grabbed a pair of grey nike tracksuit pants and a black oversized tee. She quickly made her way back to the bathroom door and knocked. "Here, I left them by the door. I need to get back to the kitchen before I burn the house down"

Lexa laughed. "Please do, I don't want to die tonight in a house fire" She teased. "And thank you"

"It's okay I wouldn't let you die.." The blondes voice was more of a serious tone than a playful one. She made her way back to the kitchen.

 _Shit. Was that the wrong thing to say? Damnit Lexa._ The brunette grabbed the clothes that laid outside the door and quickly changed. A sense of relaxation and calmness washed over her as she took in the scent of the blonde that lingered on her clothes. They were comfortable.

* * *

Both Raven and Anya were enjoying their night out. Many laughs were shared. Anya told stories of how she used her appearance to scare off unwanted people. Raven couldn't help but laugh, not just because Anya was a great joker much like herself but because under all the 'toughness' and 'leather' Anya was the sweetest little gummy bear Raven had ever known. Finn was never like this. He never made Raven feel special. He was a jerk and was very self centered. The mechanic would never understand why she dated him. She once thought he was cute, and had a nice smile, but that meant nothing when he showed his true colors. Raven felt sick at the thought of ever letting him touch her. She let him be _her first._

"Let's get out of here" Anya smiled as she reached over to grab Raven's hand. Raven smiled back in response, Anya left the money as they proceeded to walk out of the restaurant. Anya's arm now wrapped around Ravens shoulder. _Yep, sweet little gummy bear._

"I'm kinda sad you're taking me home now" Raven pouted.

Anya smirked. "Who said anything about taking you home? Our date isn't over yet" Anya said as she kissed Raven on the forehead.

They started driving through an area of town Raven was unfamiliar with. She put her passenger window down and took in the breath of fresh air that hit her in the face.

"You aren't really a serial killer are you?" Raven joked.

"I might be" Anya played along.

Raven laughed and shrugged her shoulders. "Meh, I'd still date you"

Anya smiled at that. Mostly at the fact that Raven half heartedly admitted they were now officially dating right? In time, they both wanted more than that.

Half hour later Raven found herself admiring the place Anya had decided to take her to. A beach. The waves were crashing and the night air was chilly, causing the two girls to be quite close to each other as they sat on a blanket Anya pulled from the trunk of her car. The calmness, the serenity. it was beautiful. Raven was speechless.

"I like to come and sit here at night sometimes, helps me relax" Anya confessed.

"Its beautiful" Raven's face was glowing with the most beautiful smile Anya has ever seen. "I bet you take every girl here" Raven joked.

Anya smiled and slightly shook her head. "Only you". The honesty in her voice made Raven look at her in admiration.

Raven leaned in, Anya meeting her half way. Their lips connecting in a surge of adoration and delight. Ravens arms swung around the taller girls neck, bringing her closer so she could deepen the kiss. Tongue sliding across Anya's bottom lip asking for entrance and of course Anya lets her in. She craved her. The kiss now deep as their tongues fight for dominance, but it was slow and satisfying. Anya rest her hands on Raven's hips. Breaking apart as they took in some air. Foreheads pressed together.

In a breathless attempt, Raven started to speak "once again.." She paused. "Such a good kisser". Anya laughed as she held the mechanic closer to her.

* * *

"That was the best pasta I have ever had" Lexa smiled when Clarke's face lit up at the comment.

"Thanks, there's plenty left over, you can take some home if you like" Clarke replied, making Lexa adore her even more.

Clarke started clearing the table, and putting away the dishes. Lexa started to help. Smiles where shared as they often made heart eyes at one another. _But we're just friends._

Those words played on Lexa's mind like a broken record. What more could she possibly want anyway? These feelings still ate away at the brunette, it stressed her out constantly. But with the presence of the certain blue eyed girl, stress seems to disappear for Lexa. It was odd. Wasn't Clarke the reason for Lexa's problems? _No. The way I feel is the fucking problem._

"How long have you lived in this town?" The question was out of the blue, but Clarke was eager to know more about Lexa.

"Uh, about 9 years" The brunette replied as she put away the last dish.

"Why'd you move here?"

Lexa's jaw clenched at the question, and it went unnoticed for Clarke. A slight frown appearing on the blondes face as she tried to read Lexa's actions. "Uh, some not very nice stuff happened, so I moved in with Anya and her uncle when I was 8 years old"

"Oh" Clarke felt like she had trod on something she shouldn't have but she had to know more.

"What about you?" Lexa asked. She was just as curious as Clarke.

"Huh?" Clarke was still deep in thought.

The two girls walked into the living room and made themselves comfortable on the sofa. Lexa carried the large bowl of popcorn while Clarke carried the drinks she had poured.

"Why'd you move here?" Lexa asked again.

"Mom started a new job here at the hospital, she gets better money" Clarke failed to mention that her mother took this job purely for the fact they couldn't afford to keep the house Clarke grew up in, the house that was filled with so many childhood memories. Memories of her father. Wells. "I didn't want to move"

"Why not?" Clarke was flicking through the movies on Netlfix and paused when Lexa asked.

 _Its Lexa. She makes it easy to talk. I can tell her? Right?_ "My father passed away 2 years ago, the house I grew up in we were no longer able to afford. Mom had to take this job and we had to move"

Lexa's heart sank a little at what Clarke was telling her. _I know that pain, Clarke._ "I'm sorry-"

"Don't be" Clarke gave her a smile, but her eyes were watering once again. Clarke was still broken.

"I moved because my parents passed away" It slipped out of Lexa's mouth. Lexa realized what she had just confessed but she didn't mind. Clarke had the same effect on Lexa as Lexa did on Clarke. _Comfort._

Their eyes met. Clarkes beautiful watery ocean blue eyes met Lexa's wild forest green ones. Lexa was clenching her jaw once again. Talking about this stuff to anyone apart from Anya was something she swore she'd never do. But here she is. Opening up to a girl she was clearly falling for, no matter how many times the brunette denied it. Falling for Clarke was inevitable. _It sucks when you admire something you can't have. That you don't deserve._ She would never stop trying to suppress those feelings, just like she always did. What she didn't realize yet was the fact that this wasn't quite the same as everything else.

"I'm sorry Lexa" Clarke was in shock with the confession that just came from Lexa. This made their connection run deeper. When you share the same emotions and feelings as someone else, it was easier to talk to them. The understood. They'd always understand. And at this moment it made sense to Clarke as to why the presence of Lexa Woods was so appeasing.

Silence fell between them. It wasn't a bad thing. In fact, it was relaxing.

The large bowl of popcorn sat between them. The started watching a comedy on Netlfix. Something Clarke thought was needed. _Laughter. Lexa's laugh._ A sound that she was so sweet on. They made funny comments about the movie. Lexa laughed at Clarkes lame jokes, and Clarke smiled when Lexa looked at her with those big green eyes of hers.

"We should do this again, Clarke" Lexa wanted this to happen again more than anything in the world. They say when you find someone that makes you feel like this, weather it be a friend, family or _lover._ Never let them go. But Lexa was Lexa, and those feelings she constantly denied were slowly making their way to the surface. Only time could tell what will happen next.

 **So Ontari has made an appearance. I couldn't help myself, I had to include her. As you can see she isn't quite as nasty as she is in the show. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please leave reviews, any advice is welcome. Thankyou!**


	10. Chapter 10 - Jealousy

**I'm sorry I took a little longer to update. I had a terrible case of writer's block. Thank you for all the kinds reviews. This was hard to write, so many feelings I had to try and portray for both Clarke and Lexa. Anya and Raven are still cuties. Any requests or advice? I'm happy to hear them just pm me.** **Thanks for reading!**

Chapter 10 - Jealousy

Anya had woken up Thursday morning with the biggest smile on her face. Jumping out of bed with a spring in her step, she got ready for school.

The night before Anya had taken Raven home and kissed her multiple times up against her car. Anya swore she could still feel the lips of Raven's on hers. Both girls now looking forward to many more dates.

It was almost time to go, and like always, Lexa was not ready. _Was she even awake?_

Anya started walking towards Lexa's room "Lexa I swear to fucking god, if you're not u-"

Lexa opened her door quickly cutting off her best friend. She was dressed. Bag dangling off her shoulder. A smirk forming on her face. "I'm ready, let's go!"

"God Lex, are you feeling okay?" Anya quipped, Lexa rolled her eyes as they made their way out the door. "You're early for once, there's gotta be a reason" Anya smirked. "A reason with blonde hair, blue eyes, a-"

"Anya!" Lexa growled. "I'm in a good mood for once, please don't ruin it"

Anya chuckled and threw her hands up playfully "Alright, alright. Chill"

* * *

Lexa rushed around the school in search of a certain blonde girl. She smiled when she spotted the blue eyed beauty at one of the vending machines. Smiling like a dork as she made her way over, Lexa noticed a boy also making his way in Clarke's direction. She paused for a second as the boy started talking to Clarke. An uncomfortable bubble in her chest began to form, _What is this feeling?_ Lexa's smile had dropped, she contemplated walking away but then she noticed Clarke seemed a little irritated. She gave the boy second glance and realized, _Finn Collins._

 _Jealousy._ That's what Lexa felt. It was different. Lexa had never been jealous before. _And why over Clarke? Fucking hell this is ridiculous. Lexa Woods doesn't get jealous over any girl.._ But that was so wrong. _Oh so wrong._ Clarke Griffin was different, Lexa was coming to terms with that..

 _Fuck it._ Lexa made her way over. "Hey, Clarke"

The blonde smiled in relief when she saw Lexa. "Lexa!" She threw her arms around the brunettes neck. A reaction both of them didn't quite expect. _Wait, what am I doing?_

Lexa didn't mind. In fact, Lexa was in awe. _She smells so good._ Wrapping her arms around the blonde and then pulling a part after a few seconds. Both of them with a slight blush of red on their cheeks.

Finn cleared his throat, startling the two girls because for a second they completely forgot he was there. "Uh, I was having a conversation with the princess here and you kinda interrupted" He said, glaring at Lexa.

Clarke cringed at the nickname _princess_ and Lexa had noticed Clarkes reaction. "Well your conversation is over"

"Not yet, I came to ask her.." Finns eyes now looking at Clarke, Lexa never failed to miss Finn's eyes flicker down to the blondes chest. "..to the school dance"

Lexa was burning with fury. _How dare he._ The brunette felt majorly conflicted, Clarke wasn't hers but she had the sudden urge to protect her. _Jealousy_ still bubbled around inside the brunette.

"She's not interested" _What am I doing? What if she is interested? Fucking hell Lexa, stop._

Lexa was right though. Clarke was far from interested. The blonde stepped forward.

"I Uh.. Uh already have a date to the dance" Clarke said quickly. _I didn't even know there was a school dance?_ The last thing Clarke wanted was to go to the dance with Finn Collins. "Sorry Finn"

"Oh yeah, who?" Finn mocked.

Lexa glanced at Clarke. Asking the same question inside her head. _Yeah who?_ The jealousy inside Lexa had only flourished. Clarke hesitated. Quickly flickering her eyes between Lexa and Finn who were both waiting on her answer.

"L..Lexa!" _Fuck. Did I really just say Lexa?_ The brunette looked at Clarke with a blank expression.

Lexa's heart was racing. _What? Uh?_ She quickly realized what Clarkes intentions were. _Getting rid of fuckboy, got it._ She snaked her arm around the blondes shoulder. A smug smile printed on her face as she looked at Finn once more. Lexa would be lying to herself if she said she wasn't enjoying this. _I shouldn't be._

Although Clarke remained still, her hand connecting with Lexa's as it dangled over her shoulder, Inside her stomach filled with butterflies. _It feels right._

"Are you kidding me princess, you're a dyke too?"

Lexa tensed up at the word. Her arm lost contact with the blonde as she stepped forward, her jaw clenched as the boy smirked.

"Apologize" Lexa hissed through gritted teeth with an aggression filled tone. Her fists now clenching.

"Or what?" Finn laughed as he looked down at Lexa's balled fists. "You're really going to hit me?"

"Lexa" Clarke stepped forward."Stop its okay". Clarkes voice. That soothing sound. Lexa listened. Her fists unclenching. Deep breaths. "It's not worth it". Lexa looked into Clarkes eyes, who was now standing in front of her. And there it was, another sensation that felt like a jolt of electricity running through Lexa's veins. Their eyes were shouting words their mouths couldn't once again. But what were they saying? What was it about Clarke that just lured in Lexa's heart like a fish on a hook? _She's so angelic. So beautiful. So perfect. And I like her a lot, I'm falling for her. I'm falling for her. I'm falling for her._ That was it. Acceptance. That didn't come easy for Lexa. Her heart was pounding so hard she swore it was going to burst out of her chest.

"I'm sorry" Lexa whispered. The only words she could form. Their eyes still connected. And Clarke swore she saw Lexa tearing up but before she could question It Lexa backed away slowly. She turned around and walked away at a fast pace. Leaving Clarke confused, with so many questions. _Should I go after her? Why does she make me feel this way? Did I do something wrong?_

"I don't have time for this" Clarke was startled at Finns words, forgetting that he was there again. "I can easily find a chick hotter than you, princess"

Clarke shook her head. Brushing past Finn as she stormed away. _What a jerk._

 _But wait? Does that mean im going to the dance with Lexa? What if I made her feel uncomfortable?_ As Clarke started making her way to her class, her mind flooded with thoughts of Lexa. _Her eyes. I always feel something when I stare in her eyes. Those lips. I always feel something when I stare at those lips. I felt something when I kissed her. I felt something when I hugged her. But she doesn't feel the same. I just know it. If she did, she'd say. She'd definitely say._ Clarke sighed. _I like Lexa Woods. I'm falling for her, I'm falling for her, I'm falling for her. Maybe I'm a fool._

* * *

"Do you and your friends wanna come out tomorrow night?" Anya asked Raven as she had her pinned up against her locker. No one dared to stare or murmur in Anya's presence, and Anya was smug about that. She loved her 'tough chick' reputation. People were genuinely scared of her and this amused Raven.

"Out where?" Raven asked as Anya pecked her on the lips. A smile growing on the mechanics face.

"Ontari's band has a gig at Trikru Bar" Anya held Raven by her hips as they slightly swayed together. "You should come. Bring your friends. Even the nerdy ones"

Raven chuckled "Sure, sounds fun". She then reached in and gave Anya another sweet little kiss. Anya was in love with Ravens sweet little kisses but she wouldn't admit that out loud.

"Definitely bring Clarke because Lexa will be there" Anya smirked.

"Oh I will" Raven winked In response.

The two knew Clarke and Lexa had a thing for each other, actually they knew they had more than a 'thing'. And Anya knew Lexa more than anyone. She noticed the way Lexa looks at Clarke, the way her eyes light up when she speaks of Clarke. Oh and not to mention Lexa hasn't been with any other girl since she even met Clarke, and that? That was definitely something. _There's just something about Clarke._ At the same time, Anya didn't want Lexa getting hurt, not like last time, not the way Costia hurt her. She swore to protect Lexa with her life but deep down Anya felt as if Clarke would be good for Lexa, _really good for her. But if she ever did hurt her I'd break her face._

* * *

Lexa was sitting alone in the library, crouched on the floor pretending to read a book. She couldn't focus on the book though, her mind was trying to escape from the dismay and confusion. Her head was in another world, and her heart was trying to reach something her head didn't want. _I'm falling for her._ Lexa repeated this in her head for the millionth time today. Ever since morning it was all she could think about. She had succeeded in avoiding both Clarke and Anya for the rest of the day, but she knew she'd have to face Anya at home. _Thank god I have boxing tonight._ Lexa's outlet. And boy was she holding a lot of stuff in. She felt as if she was being consumed. _I don't like this. I don't like that I'm letting myself feel this way._

Dropping the book and dropping her head in her hands, she sighed deeply. Tears pricked at her beautiful green eyes as memories flooded back from the hurt she endured from Costia. _That part of my life is over, I'm happier now._ That was true. But Lexa still hurt. She wasn't whole and something felt _missing._

"Lexa?" Lexa was startled by a familiar voice. She looked up and sure enough the sweet voice was followed by the sweet presence of the girl she couldn't stop thinking about.

"Clarke" _So much for avoiding._

"I thought I might find you here" Clarke gave a small smile and sat beside the brunette on the floor.

"Uh.. How'd you know?" Lexa gave a half smile. She wasn't quite sure how to act. Not with the feelings she had just admitted to herself. Could she still be friends with Clarke despite the way she feels? Or would that be too hard for the troubled teen?

Clarke gave a small chuckle "Because you weren't anywhere else". The blonde had been searching for Lexa everywhere. After the incident that happened earlier in the day, Clarke couldn't stop overthinking. Much like Lexa she hated the way she felt. _I'm falling for her._ Those words too, coursing through Clarkes mind.

Silence filled the air for a few moments before Clarke started to speak again. "You don't have to go to the dance with me". Clarke was sure that Lexa wouldn't want to go with her, _hell Lexa might even want to go with someone else._

Lexa looked at Clarke for a few seconds. _I want to go with you so bad, but I understand you probably don't want to go with me._ "I uh.. I understand that you just wanted to get rid of fuckboy Finn" Lexa tensed at the name as soon as it left her mouth. Her jaw clenching, and Clarke didn't fail to miss it.

"Yeah I did" Clarke smiled as she thought about the way Lexa put her arm around her. Like she was _hers._ Clarke frowned and shook herself out of thought. _No, I will never be hers._

"You deserve better than Finn" Lexa admitted.

"Please come to the dance with me, Lexa" It was sudden, and her words were rushed. Clarke couldn't even hide the urgency in her voice. _Nice one, Clarke._

Lexa's eyes were locked on Clarkes. _What is it that they're saying? Her beautiful ocean blue eyes look as if they're speaking to me. Maybe I'm just going crazy._ Lexa cleared her throat, she was stunned by Clarkes request. "Im uh.." She cleared her throat again.

Clarke was waiting for a let down. Lexa to tell her she was going with some other girl. _This is probably uncomfortable for her._ "Just as friends of course, Lexa" _There, maybe that will ease her uncomfort._

Lexa smiled. "I'd love to go to the dance with you" _Maybe friends is all we'll ever be._

"Cool" Clarke smiled. A nervous chuckled escaped her mouth once more.

Silence filled the air once again but it wasn't awkward. Little did they know how much they were thinking about the other. Clarkes eyes flickered up to Lexa's face at moments, catching her jaw clenching, or her lip twitching. She studied her hands. Her tattoos. _Her muscles._ Lexa did the same, catching Clarke looking at her for a split second, a smile aching to form on her face when she looked away. _Does she even realize how beautiful she is?_

"So you probably could have knocked Finn out cold, huh?" Clarke asked with a grin.

Lexa laughed. "Yeah, probably" It wasn't a lie, Lexa knew how strong she was. Her technique and skill were on another level. She could probably kick anyone's ass.

"Do you do anything else apart from boxing?" The blonde was curious. Always baring to know more about Lexa.

"I got to the gym, but no. Its really just boxing" Lexa smiled. "What about you?"

"Me?" Clarke laughed.

"Yeah, you" Lexa gave her a grin. "Do you do any sport?"

At those words Clarke barked a laugh. "Does it look like it? I don't do exercise"

"You look fit to me" S _mooth Lexa._

Clarke smiled. The tips of her ears now with a hint of red. "I'm not a very active person"

"What do you like to do then?" Lexa wanting to know more about Clarke also. "For fun"

Clarke smiled. She liked this. The two of them talking. It felt _right._ "Well, uh I guess I'm kind of an artist. I like to draw and paint"

Lexa smiled with adoration. "You'll have to show me some of your work"

"Of course" Clarke smiled. She never liked showing her work. But for Lexa? _Anything._ "But on one condition"

"And what condition might that be?" Lexa smirked.

"I get to see you box" Clarke blushed harshly as soon as the words left her mouth. _She will probably just think I'm a perv now._

"Sure, how about tonight?"

Lexa wasn't quite sure what her intentions were. _Just friends right?_ A smile on her face as she watched Clarke but that was merely just a layer covering the circus that went on inside the brunette.

* * *

"You do realize she was checking you out, right?" Anya asked Lexa after they had dropped Clarke off at her house. The blonde went and watched Lexa box just like they had planned. Anya was right, Clarke couldn't keep her eyes off of Lexa's perfectly carved body. Her training was intense, veins and muscles were more prominent and Clarke couldn't not notice. She failed not to make it obvious. Well it was obvious to everyone besides Lexa.

"Mmhmm, yeah okay" Lexa slightly blushed a little, even at the thought of the blonde checking her out. Sure, Lexa was used to it, girls staring at her, admiring her, but Clarke? Clarke made her feel all sorts of different things. She wasn't like any other girl.

"You're so blind" Anya rolled her eyes.

"You are" Lexa shot back.

"The girl likes you, Lex, fuck!" Anya was beginning to grow irritated.

"No she doesn't" Lexa was clenching her jaw once again. Her feelings flooding back. Her thoughts flooding back. "And, if she liked me, things would be different. So stop, please. Just stop!" Lexa was almost choking on her words. _Why was this so difficult? I feel so weak. So defeated._ "Yes Anya, I like her, I like her a lot. And it's hard for me to admit that. So fucking hard. But I can't be with her. That's not me. I don't do relationships" Lexa paused taking in a few short sharp breaths. Anya felt a pin of regret, maybe she pushed Lexa to far. "Someone like me doesn't belong with someone like her". Anya put her arm on Lexa's shoulder, the other hand still on the steering wheel. "I'm not made for this, it wouldn't work"

Anya hushed Lexa quietly. "I'm sorry, Lex" She rubbed her shoulder to try and comfort her best friend. There wasn't much she could do while she was driving. "But you need to know that you are capable of loving and being loved in return"

Lexa shook her head in denial. _Yeah, right._

She could feel herself breaking slowly. Soon it will all just come pouring out.

* * *

Friday night had come around. The gang were on their way to go see Ontari and her band play at Trikru Bar. Raven was driving, Octavia in the front passenger seat and Clarke was stuck between the two boys in the back.

"Put some music on Reyes" Monty said from the back.

Raven smiled and turned on the car stereo. Early 2000s songs were blaring, singing and dancing and laughing, as they made their way to their destination.

When they got there they met up with Bellamy, Niylah and Murphy. They walked to the entrance, being a bar they had to have their hands stamped to show they were underage and were not to be served alcohol. All but one.

"Sorry, I'm 21 I have ID" Niylah smiled at the security guards at the door, as she brought out her _fake ID_ and showed them. They nodded her through. As they were officially inside, Clarke walked up beside Niylah.

"How'd you manage that?"

"I have my ways" Niylah gave Clarke a flirtacious smirk and winked. "Would you like me to buy you a drink?"

"Uh.." _Is she flirting with me?_ "Maybe later"

"HERE THEY ARE" Anya's voice could be heard from across the room. The was music playing quite loudly so it was surprising just how loud Anya was. Raven made her way over the fastest. Wrapping her arms around Anya and giving her a kiss. Clarke spotted Lexa the same time Lexa looked up at her, a smile was shared between the two. Clarke sat next to the brunette, an accidental brush of Clarkes thigh against Lexa's sent both of them internally floating. A quick second of eye contact made and then Lexa forced her gaze down.

Octavia had made her way over to Lincoln and sat on his lap. "Hey babe"

"He-" Lincoln was cut off by Octavia's kiss.

"How'd you get here?"

"Anya gave me a ride" He smiled as they kissed again.

Clarke looked at her friends, Raven was with Anya, and Octavia with Lincoln. "Okay, okay" She cleared her throat. "No more kissing it's actually making me sick" She joked.

"Same here" Lexa added. Clarke smiled as Lexa took her side.

"Just because you two can't get any" Raven smirked. Wanting to make a joke about Clarke and Lexa but decided to leave It.

Lexa shook her head. She knew damn well she could get any girl she wanted at this bar. _Except Clarke._

After about half an hour, Niylah had gotten them all alcoholic drinks discretely. They were all waiting for Ontari to come on stage.

"Have you been here before?" Lexa asked Clarke.

"Nope, first time" The blonde smiled. The smile that sent Lexa's stomach flipping. At this point even something small like Clarkes smile, little accidental touches, eye contact even if it was for a split second, sent Lexa insane. _Why does she do this to me, fuck, I want the old Lexa back, I need to get a grip._ Lexa was feeling consumed once again. Her thoughts and feelings were clouding her mind. She needed to escape. _I need to drink._ And that's what she did, and that's what she planned to do for the rest of the night. Hoping the alcohol would ease her mind.

Moments later Ontari arrived on stage with her band, who seemed to look just as punk as Ontari. They introduced themselves to the crown as Luna, Emori and Echo.

"They look hot" Raven said, now looking at Clarke. "Hey Griff, maybe you can get with one of them?" She joked, causing Clarke to glare and stick up her middle finger.

Even something as small as that, the thought of Clarke kissing someone else, made Lexa furious. _And it shouldn't, it really fucking shouldn't. I shouldn't fucking care._ But she did. Oh she cared so much. Lexa started to chug her 2nd beer that Niylah managed to give her.

Clarke was enjoying the band, they sure were talented. They had all started to get up and jump around with the alcohol in their systems. Clarke was feeling a little sweaty, and decided to sit down for a bit, octavia joined her.

"THIS IS SO MUCH FUN" Octavia yelled, attempting to be heard over the band.

"I KNOW" Clarke smiled.

The two checked their phones, taking a few selfies and pictures of their friends jumping around like idiots. A few snapchats and Instagram posts were made. Someone came up behind Clarke, and pushed themselves up against her as she was taking a selfie, Clarke laughed when she saw it was Niylah pulling a funny face and she snapped the photo.

Niylah joined the group again with Octavia, Clarke sat back down as she watched the band from her seat. Looking back at her friends she realized Lexa was missing. _Maybe she needed to pee._

Clarke then scanned the back of the room and her jaw dropped at a sight that made her lip curl. Lexa, the girl she was falling for, the girl she had kissed more than once, the girl that made her heart flutter and her cheeks red, the girl that entered her mind every minute of every day, was pinning another girl up against the back wall of the bar, making out. And touching her just the way Lexa touched Clarke in the closet back at Bellamy's party. Her stomach dropped. She couldn't work out if she was angry or sad. _Disappointed._ She tried to peel her eyes away, but she couldn't.

The band had stopped playing. They were taking a 15 minute break. The rest of the gang made it back to the table. Clarke's eyes still on Lexa. In fact they were glued on Lexa. Raven looked at Clarke.

"Hey Griff" Anya stood right by Raven. "Clarke are you okay?"

Clarke didn't even hear Raven speak she was focusing on the way Lexa kissed the other girl. The way she touched her. She was jealous. Beyond jealous. Both Anya and Raven followed Clarkes gaze and quickly realized what had upset Clarke.

"Jesus Lexa" Anya muttered under her breath.

Raven put her hand on Clarke's shoulder and the blonde quickly jerked back. Before Clarke knew it a single tear rolled down her cheek. _I don't have the right to feel like this. I'm making a fool of myself._

"I'm sorry" Clarke whispered.

Raven shook her head. "No, don't say sorry" Raven wiped away Clarkes tear. Clarke was thankful the rest of the group hadn't realized what kind of state she was in. Clarke didn't even understand herself, she had never in her life been jealous over anyone like this.

"Can you take me home?"

Raven nodded "Of course"

"I'll drive, I haven't had any drinks" Anya said as she looked between the two girls.

Clarke and Raven walked out to the car. While Anya made her way over to Lexa and the mysterious girl she had her lips locked with.

Anya dragged the brunette back, the other girl looked at Anya Ready to protest but quickly backed down when she gave her a vicious look.

"What the fuck, Anya" Lexa pushed her best friend back.

Anya's face was nothing but stern. She knew one thing, _Lexa is an idiot._ "You're a fool, Lex"

"I'm not following you" Lexa was confused. All she wanted was to hook up with a cute girl and forget about her problems. _Just like the old Lexa._

"I know this is hard for you Lexa, but you need to face your _real_ feelings" Anya stated.

"I don't know what you're talking about" _Yes I do, that's just what I'm hiding from._

"Clarke, she likes you, idiot. And you fucked it up" Anya rolled her eyes as Lexa looked at her blankly. "She saw you making out with _her,_ She ran out of here, she's upset, and I'm taking her home with Raven" Anya stood still waiting for Lexa to respond.

"Clarke?" Lexa was so confused. She was convinced Clarke wanted nothing to do with her _in that way._ Lexa's mind now filling back up with those thoughts of Clarke. _Falling for her. Fuck._

"She's good for you, Lex" Anya said with less aggression. "Fix this" And that was it. Anya turned and Left Lexa to deal with what was just laid on her.

 _Clarke. I'm sorry._

 **First of all, I'd like to give a shout out to KellyDeaux for helping me out with some of the ideas in this chapter. I will update as soon as possible, hope this chapter wasn't too messy. Stay tuned if you'd like to find out what Lexa's next move is ;)**


	11. Chapter 11 - She's Not For Me

**I'm sorry for the late update again. I promise you'll have the next chapter in no time. Now that both Clarke and Lexa have both experienced jealousy, we'll be able to see just how they cope with this, especially Clarke, considering she was pretty upset at Ontari's gig. Thank you for reading, and be sure to leave me your thoughts. Enjoy.**

Chapter 11

Clarke was laying on her bed in deep thought. She insisted Raven and Anya leave her home alone and to go back to Ontari's gig. The blonde felt humiliated and somewhat naive. She felt as if she had no right to just leave like that, to feel that jealous _I mean we aren't even a thing, we never have been._ And that hurt Clarke. _Oh god._ It hurt her so much.

 _We kissed and she touched me in ways I've never been touched before, mentally and physically, but at the same time it was nothing. Nothing but a random hook up. Its not Lexa's fault, no not at all, it's mine. Lexa didn't hurt me, I hurt myself for letting myself become so vulnerable and naive to these fucked up feelings. No, that's wrong, they aren't fucked up. They're beautiful. They're unique. But they're heavy and they hurt._

Clarke reached over to her bedside table and grabbed her sketchbook and pencils. If anything could distract her from the storm brewing inside her mind, it would definitely be art. Flicking through the pages, glancing at all the unfinished sketches, she paused. And there it was. Her masterpiece. _Lexa._ It was a pretty decent sketch, Clarke admitted that, it was breathtaking. _But nowhere near as beautiful as the real Lexa._

 _The way she makes me feel, I can't quite put into words. She's comfortable, she's as calming as the sound of crashing waves of the deep blue sea. Her scent is alluring. The way her lips felt on mine, so soft, so delicate, I can't get that out of my head. Her touch, her nurturing and gentle nature, something I didn't quite expect. She looks so resistant, so driven to look strong. And she is, she really is, in more ways than one. But with me, I see more than that. The times we've been alone, I see so many different sides of her. And I wonder, I always wonder, who else has seen that Lexa? The Lexa that makes me feel so harmonious, so whole. And you see, I don't even know why she makes me feel like that, especially since we're not meant to be.._

Clarke was then startled by a slight knock at her door. "Come in?"

Abby walked in with a smile plastered on her face "Hey, sweetheart, I saw your bedroom light on, I thought you were going out tonight?"

"I came home early, I wasn't feeling well" Clarke dished out a fake smile.

Concern spread on her mothers face as she quickly put her hand on Clarkes forehead, feeling for a temperature. "You don't feel like you have a temperature"

"I feel better now, it was probably nothing, Mom" At that moment Clarke caught her mother glance over at her sketchbook. _Fuck._

"Wow Clarke, that's a wonderful portrait" Abby picked up the book, admiring her daughters work. "But who is this?"

"Uh.." Clarke hesitated. "That's uh, Lexa" Clarke gave a nervous chuckle. "It's a project for art class, we had to draw our partner" The blonde was stumbling on her words thinking about what had just left her mouth. "N..not like partner like we're dating .. Like we had to pair up and yeah.." _Nice one, Clarke._

The older woman started laughing at her daughter foolishness. "Clarke.." She didn't miss the redness that grew on her daughters face. "You like her?"

Clarke froze. She didn't quite expect her mother to be able to read her like that. "Um..What, no?" Clarke took in a deep breath. _This is mom, I'm meant to be able to tell her these things, right?_ "Wait.. Yes.. Maybe a little".

Abby now grinning Clarke. "A little? Clarke you're drawing he-"

"Okay, I like her a lot" Clarke's voice came out a little strong. She couldn't help it. She still felt like a fool. A pathetic, jealous, fool. Clarke wasn't prepared to tell her mother the whole story, and how she felt exactly, and after the tone In Clarke's voice, Abby thought it was best to leave the subject for now. She placed the sketch down and focused her attention back on Clarke.

"You're growing up too fast you know that right?" Abby smiled when she saw the ends of Clarkes lips prick up also.

"I will always be your little girl, Mom" Clarke wrapped her arms around her mother as they sat on the edge of Clarkes bed, the blonde resting her head on her mother's shoulder.

"Are you having a party for your birthday?"

"My birthday?" Clarke had totally forgotten. So many things had been laid on her lately that she completely forgot about her day of birth. "Oh, no I probably won't"

"Why not, you'll have the house to yourself, I trust you, Clarke" All Abby wanted was her daughter to be happy, have fun and enjoy life. After recent events she felt it was something Clarke needed. To let go.

"I don't know, Mom, I'll think about it"

"You only have a week"

* * *

Lexa woke up with a raging headache. She groaned as she pushed her head under her pillows, trying to ease the throbbing. _How much did I drink?_ She couldn't remember a lot. She could hardly remember the girl she hooked up with, and there was no one by her side when she woke and she was fully clothed, so she definitely didn't sleep with anyone. She does remember one thing though. _Clarke. She left early._ Anya had told her to fix something. _What was it? Did I do something wrong?_ A surge of panic filled her body. _Something doesn't feel right._

The brunette managed to crawl out of bed and hobbled her way to the kitchen searching for a bottle of water and aspirin to help ease her head.

"Well, good afternoon" Anya said noticing Lexa as she walked in with Raven.

Lexa was slightly startled. A sullen look appearing on her face as she rolled her eyes.

"You were a mess last night" Raven said. She wasn't sure how she should feel about Lexa considering how hurt Clarke was after last night. But Raven also knew that Lexa didn't have much of a clue on how much Clarke really was into her.

"I gathered that. I feel like shit" Lexa replied as she started sipping on her water.

"Are you going to talk to her?" Anya wasn't going to beat around the bush, she wanted Lexa to talk to Clarke. _You need to face your fears, Lexa._

"Huh"? Lexa looked puzzled.

"Clarke" Raven added as she crossed her arms in full defense mode.

 _Clarke? She left early last night. And I was with.. Uh? Who was I with? I don't know, not important. But..Clarke.. Was.. Was she upset?_

"Hello? Earth to Lex" Anya said waving her hand in front of Lexa's dazed face.

"S..Sorry uh, what about Clarke?"

"You're really stupid aren't you!" Raven started to raise her voice a tad, she couldn't help it, she was only thinking of Clarke and the way she reacted last night. "Clarke is into you dummy, really into you-"

"Babe" Anya cut her off. "Maybe I should talk to Lexa alone?" After all, Anya was the only one that Lexa would confide in. The only one Lexa would listen too. Anya respected the fact Raven cared so much about Clarke, but she didn't understand Lexa.

Raven just shook her head, aware that this might be a private matter for Lexa and Anya. She walked into the living room so they could have privacy.

Lexa stood there with a preservative look. Her walls were up, prepared for anything Anya was going to say to her. That's just how Lexa is.

"Lexa"

"Yes?" Her jaw clenched.

"Last night, Clarke left early because she was upset"

 _Why? Why was she upset? Is Raven telling the truth, does she really like me..?_ "And?"

"And?" Anya rolled her eyes "And she likes you, Lexa, stop denying it"

Lexa now clenching her jaw again. Swallowing her feelings as she stood up straight. "You know I can't believe that, Anya.."

Using an affirmative tone, Anya continued "I know its hard for you and-"

Lexa shook her head. "Stop, just stop there, you're wasting your breath, Anya" Thoughts of Clarke streaming through Lexa's mind. _She can't be into me. No one can be into me. Why? Because I'm me. Clarke would be a fool if she was into me._ This is why Lexa felt so conflicted. Her thoughts constantly consumed her like quicksand. She was torn between thinking about the way Clarke feels against her, the way her lips were placed so perfectly upon her own. The way she smiled was enough to make Lexa feel warm inside. Clarkes laugh gave her chills, the sound was so enticing to Lexa, so captivating. And then that's when the wretched thoughts entered the brunettes mind. _That's just it. Clarke Griffin is too pure, too real, too breathtakingly beautiful, she is much too good for me. Much too good for anyone. Her soul is gracious, her heart is authentic and her mind is creative. That's why I can't have her. I want her, but she is not made for someone like me. I'm just Lexa, I'm no one. I'm not a good person._

"Lex?" Anya could see Lexa's mind was running a million miles per second. "What are you thinking about?"

Lexa instantly snapped out of it. "Clarke and I are just friends". The word _friends_ left a sour taste in her mouth.

Anya shook her head again. "You aren't fooling anyone, I've seen the way you look at each other".

"Anya I don't know what you want me to do" Lexa rest her body against the kitchen bench. She felt somewhat defeated. Like these feelings were eating her from the inside.

"I know after Costia it's har-"

"DON'T bring her up.." Lexa cut Anya off quite abruptly. And that was it. Enough for Lexa to feel sick. The memories. After what Costia did there was no way Lexa could trust again. Or even trust herself. She became someone different after that, someone she didn't like. No. If Lexa was to be with any girl she wouldn't let herself get attached. She wouldn't let herself become emotionally involved. She can't bare it. _Love is weakness. It makes you weak._ Lexa clutched her stomach, rubbing a little in attempt to settle it.

"I'm sorry" Anya whispered. She knew, she always knew this was a sensitive issue for Lexa. Of course she knew, she was the one that helped piece her back together.

"I can't have what you have, Anya" Lexa actually looked up into Anya's eyes and Anya could see the tears that were ready to fall. But Lexa fought the urge to let them, sniffling as she regained herself.

"What do you mean, Lexa?"

"A healthy relationship with someone I really really want to be with. Someone I'd fight for, I'd do anything for" Lexa paused and took a deep breath ready to silence herself, But then decided to open up a little, _I mean, this is Anya right?_ "Someone I'd keep safe and be their reason to smile. Someone to be my rock as much as I'd be theirs. Someone who loves me for me. I'd protect her with my life. I'd do anything to make her smile or laugh, I'd make sure she'd never be hurt again, she deserves all the good things in life.." Lexa stopped herself. She looked at a grinning Anya, both well aware that Lexa subconsciously started talking about Clarke. The brunette rolled her eyes. "I'm not one of the good things In life, so I won't give her me".

"Lex" Anya put her arm around her best friend "You're fucking amazing, and Clarke knows that"

Lexa shook her head in response. "She hardly knows me"

"You'll figure it out Lex" Anya decided that maybe it was time to give Lexa a little break. This was quite a battle for her and Anya understood that. "Just don't hurt yourself in the meantime"

"At least the pain would be temporary. Unlike the pain you endure with a broken heart" Lexa's voice was so quiet it was almost a whisper.

The taller girl sighed. "Clarke wouldn't break your heart" Maybe this was something Anya shouldn't say with such hope, I mean she hardly knew Clarke, but she knew the way she looked at Lexa. There was definitely something there. And it was much different than the way Costia eyed Lexa.

Lexa almost laughed at those words. "Not intentionally anyway, I'm not the type of girl someone like Clarke would stick with". _Not in any lifetime._ "Are we done talking about this?"

"You need to talk to Clarke"

* * *

It was Saturday night Anya and Raven had a double date with Octavia and Lincoln. They were at a Chinese restaurant, and the night was streaming along pleasantly.

"The food is so great" Octavia said as she shoved her mouth full of fried rice, making moaning sounds as she chewed her food.

"Literally any food you eat is great" Raven teased.

"I love food, I can't help that" Octavia grinned. "Us soccer players need loads of food to replenish"

"Where do you even put it all?" Anya asked. Octavia was a small, skinny girl. You'd think one would gain weight quite rapidly with the way Octavia ate. Octavia shrugged and the rest of them laughed.

The evening went quite smoothly. Anya spoke to Lincoln about colleges and Raven basically teased Octavia the whole time about absolutely anything, Raven was good at that. At one point Raven asked what Lincoln was like in bed and Octavia almost choked on her noodles. Lincoln giving a nervous chuckle, knowing that they hadn't taken it that far in their relationship. Octavia went red in the cheeks and Anya was laughing along with Raven.

Near the end of the night they started talking about Ontari's band and started organizing another night where they can party at her next gig.

"So why did Clarke leave early?" Lincoln asked. "Not a pop punk fan?"

"She was upset" Octavia and Raven said in unison.

"May I ask why?"

"You know she's into Lexa right?" Anya asked.

"Uh yeah, I thought they were secretly dating..." Raven smiled. Knowing exactly why Lincoln would think that. Clarke and Lexa had some sort of pull. Like it was clear to the universe that they'd be perfect together. Things just weren't that easy at the moment.

Anya shook her head "No, but they're always secretly eye fucking though"

"Secretly? I can see that shit from a 10 mile radius" Raven chimed.

The group roared with laughter. "True"

"I guess Lexa really isn't into the whole 'relationship' thing is she?" It was clearly well known Lexa's past record with girls was purely fooling around, nothing more.

"It's more complicated than that, you wouldn't understand" Anya defended. "What the two of them need to do is sit down and talk to each other, I'm sick of the way they avoid things and pretend that all is good when it's so clear to everyone else that it's very much the opposite".

"Maybe we should get someone to flirt with Clarke in front of Lexa, maybe that will help Lexa realize" Octavia suggested.

"No way" Anya knew that wouldn't do any good.

"Bellamy thinks Clarke is hot, he'll do it"

"Or Niylah, Niylah is totally into Clarke" Lincoln added.

"I said no" Anya threw her hands In the air "No way, that would push Lexa away further, trust me I know Lexa. We're trying to mend things not ruin them" All Anya wanted was her best friend to feel contented, after all, happiness is all Lexa deserved. "Just give them time, give Lexa time to come around, you'll see"

"When will that be?" Octavia asked and Anya just shrugged.

* * *

Clarke stood back from her desk and looked down at her completed piece. _So fucking beautiful._ The sketch of Lexa was now fully colored. It had much more detail and Clarke managed to capture the way Lexa's eyes sparkled. Little did she know Lexa's eyes only sparkled that way when they were laid upon her. Clarke wasn't sure when she started finishing the drawing of Lexa. _Some people are artists, like me, some themselves are the art, like_ Clarke wasn't sure what she was exactly going to do with her picture, but for now she'd keep it safely in her sketchbook.

Moments later the blonde eyed her phone. _Maybe I should talk to Lexa. It hurts, what happened really does hurt, but Lexa is completely unaware of that..right? I'm an idiot. I need to talk to her._

 **Clarke 9:46 pm:** Hey Lexa :)

Clarke's tummy rumbled and she suddenly remembered that she hadn't even eaten yet. Obviously to caught up in the masterpiece she just completed. She walked downstairs with her phone in her hand, eagerly waiting for Lexa's reply.

 _Hmm what to eat._ She tapped on the refrigerator door, eyes searching for something she felt like eating. _I could really go for some Chinese or Thai._ Clarke had to settle for what she could, which was really just left over lasagna from the other night. Her phone buzzed and she almost dropped her plate rushing to fetch her phone.

 **Lexa 9:58 pm:** Hey Clarke

 **Clarke 9:58 pm:** I miss you

 _Fuck did I really just send that. Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck._

 **Lexa 9:59 pm:** we should talk

 _Something's wrong._

 **Clarke 10:00 pm:** is everything okay?

 _Shit. Does she know the reason I left early last night? Fuck._ Clarke could sense there was something different with the way Lexa was responding. She felt her heart _sinking_ into her stomach, a feeling she has never quite experienced before . _What's wrong with me?_

 **Lexa 10:02 pm:** everything is fine, Clarke. Can I come over?

 _It sure doesn't seem fine._

 **Clarke 10:03 pm:** sure

* * *

Anya and Raven had made their way to the apartment and found Lexa wasn't home.

"She's probably out with a friend" Anya stated.

"Or another girl.." Raven looked at Anya with a displeased look.

Anya shook her head. "Babe I'm not quite sure, but they'll figure it out. Lexa will figure herself out" She closed the space between her and Raven. "Please, I know that you care for Clarke" She grabbed Raven's hands, holding them in her own. "but understand Lexa is a different person. She's been through some things, don't hate her for what she's done or what she might do"

"What she might do?" Raven wasn't quite sure what that meant. "What do you mean?"

Anya sighed. "Lexa has her own way of dealing with things, what might seem heartless to others is completely normal for her" Anya pulled Raven closer to her and kissed her on the forehead. "I don't want to debate about this, especially not with you. Come on babe, let's go watch a movie".

The mechanic smiled and nodded In agreement. "Good idea" .

About half an hour into the movie, Raven was caught off guard when Anya leaned in to kiss her tenderly on the cheek.

"What was that for you sap" Raven grinned and tried her best to hide her blush.

"You're really beautiful, you know that?" Anya smiled as she brought Raven closer to her, her arm around the mechanic, she was almost sitting on Anya's lap.

"You really aren't into this movie, are you?" Raven's grin remained and her eyes still on the TV.

Anya seemed to be struggling with what she wanted to ask. And this wasn't like Anya. Truth is, Raven is the first girl to have Anya feeling this way. So nervous but yet so exultant and whole. Anya had always been this "tough" chick, that's how she was constantly defined. She liked it though, she liked the fact many people wouldn't dare try to cross her. She liked that she almost made people wet their pants in the school corridors with just one glance. To her it was amusing, But deep down, she knew she was a strong lover, she knew she had many soft spots for certain things and certain people. Ever since she laid eyes on the mechanic, Raven became one of those things.

Anya cleared her throat after realizing she hadn't yet answered the girl sitting beside her. "Ah, I'm more into you than the movie" Anya had switched to a flirtatious tone.

Raven looked at her and raised her eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

Anya's eyes flickered to Raven's lips for a second. _Those lips. They're mine._ And at that moment Anya made her choice. _I'm going to ask her._ "Raven?"

"Mm?" Was Raven's only response as she was lost in the taller girls gaze.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" Anya's heart was beating fast. But she was confident.

"I thought you'd never ask" Both girls with wide grins now.

Raven leaned in, Anya meeting half way as their lips connected. Their smiles far from disappearing as they kissed passionately. "So is that a yes?" Anya murmured against Raven's lips.

"I wouldn't want anything more" Raven now climbing on top of the older girl. Straddling her. Their tongues meeting each other at the same time, as they danced around together. Anya's hands ran down Raven's back and down to her ass as she pulled her closer. Raven's slight whimper didn't go unnoticed and this turned Anya on quite abit. _A lot ._ Ravens arms rapped around Anya's neck as the proceeded their heated make out session. Raven still wasn't quite ready to go further, and Anya didn't mind. They knew this was so much more than sex. What they had was perfect.

* * *

Clarke was placing her plate in the dishwasher when she heard a knock at the door. _That has to be Lexa._

"Coming" She yelled as she closed the dishwasher harshly, in a rush to open the door. Now as she stood by the door, she took a deep breath and reached for the handle.

The door opened and Lexa took in the beauty before her. Her eyes were focused on the blondes eyes for a short amount of seconds before she pulled away from them, trying to keep her cool. _I can't do this. I can't._ Lexa looked back up at Clarke. She noticed how Clarke was always so effortlessly stunning. She had her hair up in a bun, a large tee and denim shorts. No makeup. Just the way Lexa liked it.

"Come in" Clarke smiled, trying to hide the worried tone. _Somethings wrong._ That's all Clarke could process through her mind right now.

"Thanks" Lexa walked in and gave Clarke a slight smile, how could she not, this girl literally made her heart thump like it never has before.

"Do you want a drink?" Clarke asked.

"No thanks, I really just want to.. I want to talk" Lexa wasn't looking at Clarke at all now. Her head down avoiding all eye contact.

"Oh..okay"

They both made their way to the sofa and sat down. Lexa making sure she was as far from the blonde as possible. She hated this. She despised the way she felt. She would constantly ponder on the thought of Clarkes lips on hers, she remembers the way the blonde felt against her when they laid in Clarke's bed, while Lexa comforted her that time. She remembers the way their hands roamed each other as they made out inside the closet. She wanted nothing more than to feel that again and to keep it forever. _But we can't always have what we want._

"Will you be honest with me, Clarke?" Lexa looked at the blonde, and when she did she knew it was a big mistake, Clarkes eyes were boring into the brunette.

"Of course, Lexa" _Did I do something wrong?_

"When you kissed me, what did you feel?" Clarke didn't expect such a straight up question to come out of Lexa's mouth. And she wasn't quite sure how to respond.

"I liked it. I liked it a lot" _I want more._

"So did I" Lexa admitted. Clarke smiled hoping the brunette would smile in return. But Lexa's mind was in a rut. She couldn't quite focus. And she wasn't sure how to have this conversation.

 _She's trying to come clear about something. I can hear it in her tone and I can see it in her face._ "Lexa, I left last night because I was jealous" _There, I said it._ Clarke was tense.

"Of what?" Lexa was caught off guard with Clarke's confession. "That other girl?"

"Yes. And I know its stupid. I know we were never a _thing_ and only kissed twice" Clarke took a deep breath. "I know you do that with a lot of other girls"

Lexa nodded. Maybe this was for the best. _She's too pure._ As much as Lexa wanted Clarke, she couldn't have her. She wouldn't let herself have something so precious. "That is who I am, Clarke". _I wish I could change for you, you're the only one I'd change for._

Those words. Clarke wasn't sure why her heart was aching at such words. _That's who you are? Am I not good enough? No. Stop Clarke._ The blonde leaned back on the sofa and tried to think of a response, just anything, something to come out of her mouth. "I know and I'm sorry I got jealous". _Maybe I should have listened to Raven from the start._

"Don't be sorry" Lexa could see the hurt in Clarkes eyes and it pained her own heart. _I don't want to hurt you, beautiful. That's why I'm doing this now. I'm no good for you. And little do you know, I got jealous too._

"Maybe it was a mistake for us to kiss in the first place" Clarke said as she fought back the tears. She was hurt at Lexa's words, even though she felt as if she shouldn't be.

"Yeah" _But those kisses were like no other. Those kisses made me feel something I've never felt before in my whole life. Those kisses never leave my mind. Those kisses are something I crave and will probably keep craving for a long time. When I was kissing that other girl, Clarke, I was trying to imagine it was you. But it wasn't the same, it wasn't. Her touch was unlike yours. Her scent was unlike yours, Her lips were unlike yours. She was not you. I want you more than you know and I know there's no way to explain to you just why I can't have you, maybe you'll figure it out sooner or later. You will find someone better._

"So maybe it isn't a good idea to go to the school dance together then.."

"Yeah, maybe it isn't" Lexa agreed. _But who will you go with?_ Lexa could already feel that bubble of jealousy forming once more at the thought of Clarke dancing with someone other than her.

"I'm sorry Clarke, maybe I should go now" Lexa felt her own eyes watering but held it back perfectly much like always.

"Is that all? We arent even friends now?" Clarke felt a little heated. _Calm down. I have no right to be angry, right?_ Lexa got up off the sofa and started heading for the door. "Lexa!"

The brunette stopped in her tracks, but she didn't turn around. She wouldn't let Clarke see the tears that had started streaming from her eyes. "I'll see you around, Clarke". And with that, Lexa left. Closing the door behind her.

Clarke collapsed down onto the sofa, grabbing the closest cushion and hugged it tightly, she was hurt. Her cold cheeks felt the warmth of the tears that ran down. _Am I really that terrible she doesn't even want to know me anymore? Fuck her!_

 **Please don't hate me. This is a messy ending but I promise it'll get better. They'll find away. In the next chapters we'll see just how Clarke "moves on" so to speak, and how Lexa copes. We will also eventually here the story of Lexa and Costia. Stay tuned my lovelies.**


	12. Chapter 12 - You Asshole

Chapter 12 – You Asshole

It was Monday morning, after first period, and Raven stormed her way over to Lexa who was at her locker. The mechanic slammed her fist against the lockers and looked at Lexa with disappointment in her eyes. Lexa turned to face the other girl, the loud bang had caused her migraine to worsen.

"What the fuck, do you have to be so loud?" Lexa looked unimpressed.

"You smell like alcohol" Raven said as she shook her head.

"What's it to you?" Lexa turned away from the mechanic and continued organizing her books for next class. Admittingly Lexa arrived late, Raven had planned talking to her first thing in the morning but unfortunately she was nowhere to be found, so Raven chose this moment between classes to confront her.

"Really out drinking on a school night?" Raven scoffed. She was clearly quite infuriated. She stood there starring at Lexa as Lexa paid no attention to her what so ever. "You're an idiot".

Lexa tenses up. _Yeah you're right._ "Look, if you're here to talk about Clarke, just forget it" Lexa was spot on, I mean, it was the only obvious reason as to why Raven looked so pissed off.

"Listen here, Woods. Clarke is one of my best friends. And you actually hurt her pretty fucking bad, so I'm not just going to forget about it". Raven and Octavia had seen the blonde on Sunday, Clarke opened up to them about how much she actually liked Lexa and how much of a fool she was. They felt terrible for her, the poor girl only deserved happiness.

Lexa's jaw was clenching. She swallowed back her feelings and ignored the throbbing pain in her head. "I did what I had to do, it hurts less this way" Lexa took in a deep breath. She didn't expect Raven to understand.

"What the fuck does that even mean, Lexa?" Raven crossed her arms waiting on Lexa's explanation.

"It means.." Lexa was growing enraged but she tried her best to push that away. "Fuck, Raven.. It means Clarke can do so much fucking better than me.." Lexa closed her eyes. "It means that I'm no good for her and I really am sorry, I want the best things for her too, and sadly this choice was one of them" Raven stood there looking quite dumbfounded. Lexa eyed her questioningly. "I don't expect you to understand at all"

"You're right I don't. And you're right.. Clarke can do so much better" Lexa felt a little sting in her heart at those words. She wasn't quite sure why, because she said it to herself constantly.

Raven was about to walk away as she heard the bell ring. But then Lexa started speaking again. "I'm a fucked up person, Raven"

Raven turned her head back to Lexa. "That's no excuse Woods, God. We've all got baggage" Raven wasn't wrong. "We've all been through something" she was growing annoyed. "We're all a little broken". Lexa was speechless. She wasn't sure how to absorb Raven's words. Raven began to speak again, her tone a little more heated than before. "Man, Clarke is probably more broken then all of us at the moment, she's been through a lot, as you would know, she told me she confessed things to you, you were there for her. And you go and do this to her? Fuck Lexa, you're such an asshole" Raven had enough and Lexa didn't seem like she had anything to say in return, so the mechanic stormed away to her next class.

Lexa stood there. She was angry. Mostly at herself. Mostly at who she was. She couldn't deal with class at the moment. _No._ So she made the sudden decision to skip class. As she stormed out of the school she punched one of the brick walls on her way out. Her hand immediately in agony as blood began to drip from her knuckles.

* * *

"I'm okay guys, really" That was a lie and her friends knew it, but Clarke was stubborn. Her friends didn't want to push it any further so they continued eating their lunches.

"Dude, I have a math test soon and I haven't even studied" Jasper was hinting at Monty to help him out, but Monty knew better than that.

" _Dude"_ Monty said in a mocking tone. "That's your problem". The rest of the group snickered. Including Clarke. Monty turned to Octavia and Raven. "So girls, how'd your dates go Saturday night?"

"Pretty great" Octavia smiled.

"Yeah, O here almost ate half a house" Raven gave the other girl a grin.

"Well that doesn't surprise me" Clarke added.

"Lincoln is a great guy, I like Lincoln" Jasper said as he smiled at Octavia. The boy used to crush hard on Octavia back when they both started highs school, but he was so over it now.

"He really is" Octavia smiled and blushed a little.

"I can't say the same about Anya, She uh.. She scares me"

Raven chuckled. "Good"

"Oh guys I almost forgot" Clarke chirped up. "Its my birthday on Friday and I was wondering if you'd like to have a movie night?"

"IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY IN LESS THAN A WEEK AND YOU ONLY DECIDE TO TELL US NOW?" Raven was big on birthdays. She loved it when her friends birthdays came around, gave her a chance to embarrass them a little more than usual.

"Just a movie night for your birthday? That kinda sucks Clarke" Octavia laughed.

"Maybe she just wants a chill birthday" Monty said as he looked back to Clarke.

Clarke smiled and nodded. "Exactly. No party"

"WHAT? NO PARTY?" Raven slammed her fist down.

"Come on Clarke, you gotta have a party" Jasper joined in.

"What the hell happened to party animal Griffin?" Raven asked, obviously referring to Bellamy's party.

And that's when Clarke, once again, thought of Lexa. She quickly shook the thought away. _None of that now._ But maybe she did deserve to have fun, right? _Fuck everything. Fuck Lexa._ "Okay, maybe a small party" The blonde heard both Raven and Octavia cheer and high five. "But!" She carried on. "Only us, and a few others"

Raven nodded in agreement. "You got it, princess" She winked at the blonde.

* * *

It was middle of the week and Lexa hardly slept at all since her last words to Clarke. Her eyes were sore and puffy, and her mind was always clogged with thoughts that made her scream internally. This hurt more than she thought it would. _What the fuck is wrong with me? Clarke and I? We weren't even a thing? Were we? I don't know._

The brunette was on her way to boxing, she told Anya she wanted to walk, to be alone, to gather fresh air and breathe. But it wasn't helping. Nothing helped. _Why do I have to be this way? Why do I have to be so afraid of loving, so afraid of feelings._ Costia played a big part in the reason why Lexa was this way. The reason why Lexa tried to cut herself off from so many things.

Lexa loved Costia. She was her first love. Her first everything. Costia was just as tall as Lexa, white blonde hair, dark blue eyes. They dated for a whole year. Little did Lexa know at the age of 16, she'd be a broken mess. Lexa caught Costia cheating on her with another girl in the park not very far from Arkadia High. At the sight, the brunette was immediately heart broken. Costia had made her feel human, made her feel like she was going to be somebody, change the world. And I guess love can blind you in those ways. Make you vulnerable and weak. But it wasn't just that, Costia had done worse. Lexa eventually found out from mutual friends Costia had cheated more than once, in fact, Costia cheated a lot in their relationship. And that's when Lexa felt worthless. Alone. She went from being eager to be somebody, to being nobody. And you'd think a normal person would move on, realize that there's better things out there, you know? Better people. But Lexa wasn't normal. Costia was a nasty piece of work, she broke Lexa more than she already was, and it was certain things the fair haired girl said to the brunette that totally shattered what was left... but Lexa didn't want to think about that right now.

Tears pricked at Lexa's eyes as she tried pushing those thoughts away. Cold wind hit her face, her hoodie was flipped over her head, hands in her pockets balled as fists. She tried listening to music, to channel her thoughts elsewhere. But all that would enter her mind was Clarke. The way she must have felt when Lexa left that night. She then started thinking of Raven's words. _Everyone's got baggage, Clarke is probably more broken than anyone right now, I'm an asshole._ Lexa wanted to make this right. But what exactly is the right thing to do? Her heart wasn't prepared to be vulnerable. Her mind took over her body. And Lexa overthinks, so her mind processed thoughts that made her act as if letting someone else in, loving someone else, would destroy her completely. It was as if she wasn't _human_ at all.

Lexa reached the gym and strolled inside. Boxing was usually a good way to let out what was burning within. Her hand was seriously bruised, blue, purple and red where the color of her knuckles, it was still sore but Lexa was eager to let off some steam.

"Champ, how are ya?" Lexa's coach smiled at her.

"Just peachy" She said with a sarcastic tone.

"What up with your hand, kid?" Her coach didn't miss the severe bruising on her knuckles.

"I punched a wall, big deal, doesn't hurt, let's start the lesson" Clearly a lie. It was hurting. But Lexa wouldn't mind the pain.

Her coached scoffed a laugh as he grabbed her wrist and started examining her hand closely, he pressed down and rolled his thumb over checking her knuckles for anything abnormal. Lexa hissed in pain and her coach shook his head.

"Only light exercises for you today kid, I don't think anything is broken but it looks pretty painful and there could be a possible fracture. So no punching things, got it?"

Lexa rolled her eyes "Really, it's fine-"

"No, you'll make it worse if you force more impact upon it. Do you want to be out longer? The championship will be in exactly two months, I want you being up to scratch, Woods"

"Fine" There was no way Lexa was missing out on championships.

"Good, now you should go to the hospital for x-rays on that hand after this session" Her coach could see Lexa was about to complain. "Or there will be no championship for you".

* * *

Octavia and Raven were at Clarke's house for a study session, but they also stayed for dinner. Clarke attempted cooking for the three of them, as her mother was working late again, but the blonde failed miserably. The kitchen was full of smoke and the food was nowhere near edible. The blonde pouted as she chucked away her poor efforts.

"Jeez Griff, you're a terrible cook" Raven had just finished helping Clarke clean up the kitchen.

"Hey, I can cook pasta" Clarke admitted.

"Then why didn't you just cook pasta?" Octavia asked with a smirk.

"Because I wanted to impress you guys" Clarke pouted again.

"Well you did impress us" Raven snickered. "Never have I ever seen someone fail so miserably at cooking, like there's people that are bad at cooking and then, well then there's you"

Both Raven and Octavia laughed while Clarke's stood there with an unimpressed look. "Whatever guys, you can just starve I don't care"

"Nah, I'm just going to order pizza, like a normal person" Raven teased.

"YES! PIZZA!" Octavia seemed way too excited.

Half an hour later the girls found themselves sitting on Clarkes bed enjoying their Pizza as Octavia flicked through what to watch on Netflix.

"How about this?"

"No"

"This?"

"Nope"

"Thi-"

"Nah"

"Omg Raven just pick something" Octavia was growing annoyed.

"How about a horror movie?"

"Nope. No way. Nah uh. Not tonight" Clarke didn't want nightmares again.

"You're such a baby" Raven nudged Clarke as Clarke gave back a tiny glare.

Another 5 minutes went passed but there was nothing to watch that they could all agree on.

"Hey what's that?" Octavia asked.

"What's what?" Raven asked as she followed Octavia's eyes. She saw what looked like a drawing on Clarkes desk.

"Just a drawing!" Clarke hesitated as she stood up almost sending her pizza flying over her bedroom floor. She quickly guarded the artwork.

"Just show us, we're your friends, we won't judge" Octavia smiled.

 _You will judge me._ "Fine" _This is totally embarrassing._

The blonde picked up her artwork carefully and showed her friends. Clarke was waiting for laughter or some sort of smart ass comments from Raven, but there was nothing.

"Yo, Griff, that's some hardcore shit" Raven was amazed with the such detail and Clarkes work that she almost overlooked the fact that it was a drawing of Lexa.

"You're crazy talented, Clarke" Even Octavia starred in admiration.

"You must have really liked her .." Raven started but she could see the hurt in Clarke's eyes. Something told her Clarke didn't want to remember. "I'm sorry"

Clarke tried her best to shrug off her thoughts. "Don't be"

"What are you going to do with it?" Octavia was curious.

"I'm.." Clarke paused. She wasn't quite sure. But she didn't want to throw it away, no. There was just something stopping her. "I'm not really sure".

Clarke still couldn't help but like Lexa. She couldn't help but still feel for her. Clarke was falling for her, falling for her like she's never fell for anyone else before. _And I'm stupid, I'm fucking stupid. I knew who she was, I was too naive to think she was anyone different._ At first Clarke felt as if she had no right to feel hurt, be upset, and cry. But Lexa just left. The girl who she found such tranquility in, made her feel somewhat w _hole._ And Clarke didn't understand. Didn't understand why she'd feel such things, if her and Lexa weren't compatible. The way Lexa's eyes bored into her own was so eccentric but so so fascinating. _Stop thinking about her. Stop, Clarke._

* * *

Lexa was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital, her foot tapping on the floor in annoyance. She was growing impatient. If it wasn't for her coach she wouldn't be here, but missing out on championships just wasn't a choice for Lexa. She worked too hard for it, and she had a point to prove. _I'll show them, I'll show them all._ Lexa was hungry to win. Last year she didn't quite make it to the finals, she was beaten by the _"queen"_ of Azgeda High. That's what they called her, anyway. Nia didn't play fair with Lexa and this year it was Lexa's turn to play dirty.

"Woods?" A woman's voice called.

 _Finally._ Lexa thought as she stood up and proceeded towards the woman that called her name. The woman looked quite familiar, but she wasn't quite sure just where she had seen her. Lexa observed the woman discreetly as they walked into the examination room. She looked about 40? _Who knows. But she's hot. Wait that's weird, stop._

"Lexa? Lexa Woods?" The woman asked. Clearly realizing who Lexa was. After all, she did get a good look at Clarke's picture.

Lexa looked up at her, her eyes then darting the name on the desk. _. Well, shit._ "Y..yes, the one and only". A nervous chuckle slipped. _Does she know? Does she know I hurt Clarke? Oh god._

Out of the many times Lexa had been to Clarke's house she never met her mother. This was the first time and Lexa was growing distressed. Lexa was tensing, and she released a breath she didn't even realize she was holding.

"I'm Doctor Griffin, Abby Griffin" She smiled. "Clarkes Mom-"

"I know" The brunette said coldly.

"She's told me a bit about you" Abby was still smiling. A genuine smile.

"Really?" _Clearly not recently. Clarke couldn't have told her about what i did. What i said.. Or Abby wouldn't be so.. So nice._

Abby nodded with the smile still plastered on her face. She wanted to ask Lexa so many questions. What kind of relationship Lexa and her daughter shared. But she was working, and she thought Clarke would tell her eventually. "Right, so" Abby cleared her throat. "What's the problem here, Miss. Woods?"

"I uh, my coach made me come to get my hand x-rayed" Lexa rolled her eyes. "I assured him it was fine but he's pushy"

"What did you do to your hand?" Abby asked with concern, as Lexa brought her hand out letting Abby reach for it. Lexa remained silent. Abby wasn't stupid, she knew right away that Lexa punched something. Something hard. "Why'd you do it?"

Lexa shrugged her shoulders. She then winced in a bit of pain as Abby checked every one of her bruised knuckles.

"Anger?" Abby asked.

"Stupidity" Lexa replied. Barely a whisper.

"This happened before?"

"Yes" She wasn't lying. Punching things when she was angry was just one of her retaliations.

"Perhaps there's some other way you can channel this anger? It's not healthy this way-"

"I do boxing" Lexa cut in. "That's why I started boxing"

"Is it not helping?" Abby asked.

"What is this? a therapy session?"

Abby chuckled at Lexa's remark. "No, Lexa, I worry about all my patients"

Lexa slumped back in her chair as her hand was finished being looked over. She watched as Abby typed things onto her laptop. "I can see where Clarke gets it from" Lexa wanted to smile. She thought about how gentle natured Clarke was.

"What?" Abby looked back at Lexa.

"Genuine care for people" Lexa then gave a faint smile.

Abby smiled back at Lexa. "Clarke takes after her father a lot more".

Lexa swore she could see sadness in Abby's eyes. But she wouldn't question it. _No._

"Okay" Abby finished typing the last of her words "Let's get you to the x ray theatre"

* * *

Clarke was laying on her bed, Raven and Octavia had not long left. The blonde sat up as she heard a knock at her door.

"Come in"

Abby walked in with a soft smile and sat on the edge of the bed. "Hey, did you have a fun night?"

"If you call Raven and O fighting over Pizza fun, then yeah" Clarke chuckled. "We just watched some TV shows and studied, not much"

"Lexa came into the hospital tonight"

Clarke wasn't sure if she heard her mother correctly. "What?" Sudden panic spreading on her face.

"Calm down, Clarke, she's okay, she just needed x rays"

"x rays?" _What the hell happened? What did she do? Is she okay? Lexa you idiot._

"On her hand" Abby's brow furrowed. "You didn't know about her hand?"

Clarke shook her head. _Of course not. She's been avoiding me. She doesn't like me. Ugh, why the fuck do I care so much?_ "I haven't uh.. I haven't really seen her around school this week" It wasn't the total truth but Clarke wasn't in the mood for explaining things.

"Oh, well, she punched a wall" Abby put her arm around her daughter. "I'm a little concerned about her, Clarke, maybe you should keep an eye on her?"

Clarke wasn't exactly sure how she was meant to do that. Lexa probably hated her. Lexa wanted nothing to do with her. But Clarke nodded, and Abby left the room. Clarke was suddenly in total panic wondering why her mother was so worried about Lexa. What was wrong with her? What actually happened? _I wish I didn't care, but I do. Oh I fucking care so much, Lexa, you asshole._

 **Clarke 10:16 pm:** Lexa, I'm sorry if you don't want to hear from me. But I need to know that you're okay. I still care about you. My Mom told me everything.

Clarke placed her phone back on her bedside table. _I wonder if she'll even reply.._

 **Thanks for reading, guys. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. In the next chapters I'll definitely explain a little more about Lexa's past and why she is such an "asshole". Please leave me some feedback, what you would possibly like to see in future chapters, and your thoughts. Thankyou, I'll update as soon as I can :)**


	13. Chapter 13 - Fixing

**Hey guys, I hope you're enjoying the story so far. After this chapter though, I'm not quite sure how often I'll be able to update, I'm hoping to be able to update once a week at least. Thankyou for your kind reviews and tell me how you feel about this chapter. Also there is a little smut in this chapter, please let me know your thoughts on that. :)**

Chapter 13 - Fixing

 **Lexa 2:07am:** I'm okay, Clarke

Clarke had woken up to Lexa's message. Admittingly she was still upset. Still angry at Lexa. She had a right to be. But Clarke would never stop caring.

 _But I just don't understand, the moments we shared. They felt so.. Felt so right. I feel as if I've never had such a bond with anybody before. Her voice wavers through me like the gentle wind wavers through the leaves of a tree. Her devilish smile I grew to adore haunts me whenever I close my eyes. And I ask myself, Why? Why must this one girl come in, make me feel such integrity, only to have it drifted away right after I was delivered one small taste. That small taste was enough to get me hooked. Lexa Woods is like a drug._

Clarke had waited up until 1am, stressing about the brunette until her heavy eyelids took over. The blonde let out a sigh of relief now that she knows Lexa is okay. But her brow immediately furrowed as she realized she needed to get ready for school.

 _Should I reply? No. No I won't. If Lexa wanted to talk then she would say so. Right? I'd probably be wasting my time anyway.._

"You're an idiot, you know that, right?" Anya was now lecturing Lexa, again, on their drive to school.

Lexa made no effort to look at Anya. Her eyes were glued to the passenger window, taking in her surroundings and trying to zone out.

"Lex?" Anya's voice was a little softer.

"hmm" Lexa hummed in response.

"Are you going to talk to me?" Lexa slowly turned her head towards Anya. Green eyes were rimmed with red. That and the puffiness of her eyes gave away the fact Lexa had a terrible sleep, if she even slept at all. "Man, you look like shit".

"I feel much worse than I look" Lexa's voice came out hoarse.

"You can't avoid Clarke forever, you know" Anya wasn't wrong. I mean, they went to the same school and they had classes together. _Duh._

Lexa sighed in defeat. "I... I don't know what to do" Anya swore she could hear a crack in Lexa's voice.

"Be human, Lex" Anya sighed. She knew this was hard for Lexa, but she couldn't do this to herself forever. "First of all, apologize to Clarke"

Lexa was unable to get the blonde off her mind (really what was new), the brunette was surprised to receive a message from Clarke last night, her heart fluttered when Clarkes name had appeared on her screen but it soon sank at the thought of the current circumstances. _I have no one to blame but myself._ It took Lexa hours to reply because she just couldn't gather what to say, finally settling for a simple _I'm okay_. She felt yet another ping of guilt knowing that she worried, Clarke.

"Do you think I'm fucked up?" Lexa asked Anya.

"We're all a little fucked up, Lex" Anya offered a small smile and she was happy to see Lexa smile faintly in return.

* * *

Lunchtime was a little awkward. Everyone knew that Clarke and Lexa weren't on the best terms right now, but Clarke promised Raven they'd all sit with Anya's group again. Lexa and Clarke happened to be sitting opposite each other. Neither of them had spoken a word. A slight moment of eye contact was made but Clarke quickly looked away.

"Hey Clarke" The girl with the scar on her face sat down next to the blonde.

"Ontari! Hey!" Clarke beamed a bright smile.

Not quite the same smile she had for Lexa, _but still a very beautiful smile._ Lexa thought. _And I'll probably never see that smile again._

"I hear it's your birthday tomorrow" Ontari was sitting rather close to Clarke and Lexa didn't miss the way Ontari brushed her shoulder against Clarkes.

 _Its Clarkes birthday tomorrow? What the fuck. How come no one told me? What does it matter? She totally hates me now. She won't even look at me. I want to talk to her... but I can't. I just can't._ Lexa clenched her jaw and lowered her head down so no one could see the hurt on her face. Lexa was hurting, every thought of Clarke haunted her. Clarke was the last thing on her mind when she closed her eyes to sleep and the first thing on her mind when she awoke. Lexa drilled into her own mind how worthless she was and how she wasn't deserving of friendship or love. She thought about her parents and how disappointed they'd be _for being such a fuck up_. Lexa wished for nothing more than to be normal. To be happy. To be the girl she once was before her parents were taken from her. But Lexa seems to think that little girl died the same day her parents did. _But_ _my pain is self induced and I need saving from myself._

"My birthday is seriously no big deal guys" Clarke said as she smiled up at Ontari. Lexa glanced at the two and a surge of jealousy washed over the brunette yet again.

"It's a very big deal, Griff, you're our friend and we love you and we want you to have the best birthday ever" Octavia countered.

"So is birthday sex on the cards or what?" Ontari joked with a mischievous grin.

Clarke immediately went red, she tried her best to subtly put her head down and hide her embarrassment. Lexa looked up at the blonde and noticed how uncomfortable she was. Her jealousy burning with fury as she shot Ontari a death glare.

"Our princess is a virgin" Raven added with a smirk.

"Raven! Really? That's kind of private information, oh my god!" Clarke's cheeks were more red than ever.

"What? It's just sex. Whenever you're ready I'm sure there'll be tons of boys and girls waiting in line to have sex with you". Clarke was aware Raven was just trying to embarrass her, and unfortunately it was working. _Man I could kill you right now Reyes I swear to god._

"Like Niylah" Anya joined in on the playful banter. The group laughed knowing that Niylah certainly did have a thing for Clarke.

"And Bellamy" Octavia smirked. "He totally thinks you're a babe"

"Me. I'll be in line for sex with Clarke" Jasper piped up and immediately earned a slap from Clarke across the shoulder.

"Wait, we forgot the person who'd be first in line.." Ontari smirked. Glancing over at Lexa.

Suddenly everyone's eyes were on the brunette. Lexa made a mental note to kill Ontari later on. Lexa was a mix of emotions. The talk about sex with Clarke made her a little sweaty, _Gah I shouldn't be thinking about that.._ Lexa eyed back everyone that was ogling at her, some with smirks. Some waiting for Lexa to retaliate, her eyes glanced at Anya who seemed to have a sorry look written all over them. And then finally her eyes landed on Clarke. The blonde had her hands over her face as she looked down. She couldn't bare to make eye contact with Lexa right now.

"I'm sorry, did-"

Ontari was cut off by Lexa standing up in a huff. Her bag thrown over her shoulder. She stormed off and for some reason Lexa felt water welling in her eyes. _Get a grip Lexa, fuck._

"Good one, fuckbucket" Anya said as she shook her head at Ontari.

"What?" Ontari then looked at Clarke "You two still haven't worked it out?"

Clarke just shook her head slightly in response. A sharp swallow didn't go unnoticed.

* * *

 **Lexa 5:13 pm** : I'm sorry, I know I'm an asshole, Clarke. But can we talk?

Clarke had just finished sketching a small picture of a dog when she heard her phone vibrate. She immediately dropped her pencil and grabbed her phone. Clarke sighed. A part of her just wanted to give in. Call Lexa. Tell her how _she_ feels.

 **Clarke 5:14 pm:** yeah you are kind of an asshole

 **Lexa 5:14 pm** : I swear people call me that more than my actual name these days.

 **Clarke 5:15 pm:** Do you blame them?

 _Was that too harsh?_

 **Lexa 5:17 pm:** No

 **Lexa 5:17 pm:** Clarke..

Clarke could see the tiny chat bubbles that indicated Lexa was still typing.

 **Lexa 5:25 pm:** I never meant to hurt you. That's the last thing I wanted, honestly. Things are a little full on for me atm, and I know that's a poor excuse. I'm pretty fucked up if you haven't yet realized. I need to sort myself out in a sense, and im struggling with that. Truth is, I like you a lot, Clarke. You are an alluring person, one of a kind. You're so down to earth and you're so so fucking beautiful. I feel good when I'm around you. I've never felt such comfort with anybody. My walls are always usually up. But with you? They were starting to lower and I had no control, and that scared me. But I'm trying...well, I want to try and not be scared in a sense. I know we got off to as unusual start, things happened, not that I regret them, but Clarke, I would like to be your friend, again.

Clarke's heart started beating rapidly. _Friends like friends friends or just friends? Gahh what does that even mean._ Clarke wasn't sure how to reply, she was still a little hurt. She couldn't deny that she felt a sense of belonging with Lexa. Like she was somehow meant to play apart in her life, no matter whether she was a friend or a – _no stop that._

 **Clarke 5:30 pm:** Lexa, I'm glad you can open yourself up to me, even if it's just a little bit, as time goes on, maybe that'll change. And yes, you did hurt me and no I don't fully forgive you yet. You aren't fucked up, Lexa. Don't say that. You're a kind soul, you just have issues. And I mean, doesn't everyone? I do. I would like nothing more than to be friends again. But I think we need to talk more, and preferably not through text.

 **Lexa 5:32pm:** Can I come over?

 **Clarke 5:33 pm:** Sorry, not tonight, I have movie/dinner night with my Mom.

 **Lexa 5:35 pm:** Tomorrow at school then?

 **Clarke 5:36 pm:** How about Saturday afternoon? School will be hectic for me tomorrow, I have loads of tests and quizzes, and I'm having a small party tomorrow night.

 **Lexa 5:37 pm:** Saturday it is then.

 **Clarke 5:38 pm:** You can come if you like

 **Clarke 5:38 pm:** To the party I mean.

 **Lexa 5:40 pm:** I'm sorry, I have extra training tomorrow night. I'm sure Anya will be there, though.

 **Clarke 5:41 pm:** Okay then :)

Clarke smiled to herself. She placed her phone down and started packing away her art stuff when Clarke heard her mother calling her name.

"Yes, Mom?" Clarke rolled her eyes. _What does she want now, I already took the trash out._ After no following response Clarke huffed out of her room and proceeded down stairs to see exactly what it was her mother wanted. "Mom?"

"Hey sweetie" Abby said walking out of the kitchen with a grin.

"Is everything okay?" _Why the fuck did you call me down here_

"I have a birthday present for you, I know it's a day early but I want to give it to you now" Abby smiled as she tucked piece of Clarkes hair behind her ear.

"Okay?"

Abby brought the small box over and handed it to Clarke. Clarke smiled and opened the box. As soon as she saw what it was, she knew straight away who it used to belong to. She looked up at her mother and back down at the gift in disbelief.

"Your father's watch" Abby could feel her own eyes begin to water at the sight of Clarke's. "I was going through some old boxes yesterday, I thought it was gone forever, but I found it"

"Mom" Clarke's tone was low. She smiled. "Mom I-" Before Clarke could say anything she burst into tears and hugged her mother. Abby squeezed her daughter tightly as Clarke buried her face into her choking back the tears. "I.." A few more sobs "...i miss him"

"Shh, so do I" Abby rocked her daughter as her sobs died down. Abby herself let a few tears fall, but quickly regained herself for her daughters sake. "I'm sorry, sweetie"

Clarke sniffled and looked up at her mom, her eye makeup smudged and running down her face. "Don't be sorry Mom, I love it" Clarke wiped her eyes with her sleeved and smiled. "I really love it"

Abby smiled as she watched her daughter place the watch on her wrist. "How about we start dinner and watch that movie"

Clarke nodded and hugged her mother once again. Abby placed a kiss on the blondes forehead.

* * *

Lexa was laying on the lounge room sofa playing cod on her ps4. Raven also happened to be there, Anya had invited her over. The mechanic was sitting on Anya's lap on the recliner chair, as they watched Lexa play.

"Fuck" Lexa cursed.

"You usually don't play this bad" Anya teased.

"Shut up" Lexa shot back and gave Anya a quick glare before quickly returning her eyes to the TV.

"You should totally let me play, Woods" Raven was pretty good at video games. In fact, the girl is a genius, she's pretty good at everything.

"Why? So I can beat your ass?" Lexa grinned.

"Is that a challenge?" Raven raised an eyebrow.

"Sure, come on then" Lexa sat up, eager to whoop Raven's ass.

Several hours later Lexa had enough of playing against Raven. The girl was incredibly good. Raven held a smirk every time she killed Lexa. Lexa would curse in response.

"You clearly cheated" Lexa said playfully. Throwing a pillow at the girl.

"Mm ok. You're just a sore loser" Raven threw the pillow back at Lexa, but the brunette was much too fast, her sharp reflexes kicked in and she quickly ducked.

Lexa slumped back on the sofa and scrolled through her Facebook news feed on her phone. She came across Clarkes name and a soft smile spread on her face.

 **Clarke Griffin**

 **Movie and dinner with Mommy :)**

With it was a picture of Abby and Clarke smiling. Clarke didn't have any make up on. Her hair was sticking out in places, and a piece of her dangled over her left eye. She was in what looked like her pj's and her arms were wrapped around her mother. Lexa also noticed a watch on Clarke's wrist she'd certainly never seen before. Lexa's smile grew as she stared at the picture of the blonde. _How can someone be so effortlessly perfect?_

"Lex, who sent you a nude?" Anya smirked and Raven chuckled.

"It's Clarke" Lexa was still mesmerized by the blonde.

"CLARKE SENT YOU A NUDE?" Raven shot up out of Anya's lap.

Lexa now out of her daze, she shook her head almost furiously. "What... uh no.. Uh fuck, I just saw her post on Facebook"

"Have you spoken to her?" Anya asked.

"Not exactly, but I uh, we're on good terms. We've planned to see each other Saturday to talk" Lexa clenched her jaw. And quickly turned her head to hide her emotion.

"That's a good start, Woods" Raven nudged Lexa's shoulder. "I'm sorry if I was a little harsh the other day, you know, when I-"

"No Raven. I understand" Lexa cleared her throat. "I need to make things right".

Raven and Anya both gave Lexa an understanding smile.

* * *

"Staying over on a school night? How naughty of you" Anya teased her girlfriend.

"Mom doesn't give a fuck" Raven said with hurt in her voice. She curled herself in Anya's blankets. Her arms reaching over and wrapping around the taller girl. Her leg then draped over Anya's waist. Anya didn't miss the disappointment in Raven's voice when she spoke about her mother. Anya kissed the top of Raven's head, holding her tightly.

"Tell me about her" Anya was curious.

"My mother? There's nothing to tell" Raven buried her face into Anya's neck, while Anya softly played with her hair.

"Okay, babe" Anya decided not to push the subject. But after a few short moments Raven spoke again.

"She's an alcoholic, she only cares about herself"Raven was hardly open about that information. But she trusted Anya. She felt sa _fe._

"I'm sorry" Anya wasn't sure what to say, so instead her fingers pulled Raven's chin up so she could look into her beautiful brown orbs. "I love you". Anya immediately grew nervous, half expecting Raven not to say it back.

Instead Raven crashed her lips into Anya's. The kiss was soft and tender and said so many words their mouths couldn't. "I love you too" Raven finally whispered back.

Both girls were overwhelmed as they continued to kiss. Raven slipped her tongue into the older girls mouth, earning a soft hum. As their kisses heated, Raven climbed on top of Anya, straddling her and kissing her harder than ever. Anya caught Raven's bottom lip between her teeth and pulled gently. As their deep kisses continued, Anya would bite down harder each time, earning a little whimper from the girl on top of her. Raven tilted her head upwards, giving Anya access to kiss her neck. But Anya was did more than kiss. She bit and sucked. Leaving a trail of marks.

"Fuck" Raven breathed out. The mechanic could feel wetness growing in between her legs and she just noticed she was slightly grinding on Anya's thigh. Anya looked into Raven's eyes, and she knew. They were full of hunger and arousal.

Anya flipped Raven over. She placed her thigh in between Raven's legs, pressing slightly. Raven craved more. She needed more. She tried pushing herself down so she could grind harder on the older girls thigh. Anya got the hint and pressed firmly against her warmth. Raven breathed out multiple curses, while Anya continued to grind her thigh into her. Leaning down to catch Raven's lips again, Anya's hand moved up Raven's shirt. The mechanic had no bra, so it was easier for Anya to cup her breast and roll her thumb over her nipple. Raven bit down on Anya's lip in response causing Anya to moan into her mouth.

Raven couldn't take it anymore. She wanted her. She _needed_ her. She grabbed Anya's hand and guided it down to the waistband of her pj shorts. Anya's eyes grew wide, Raven opened her eyes and looked deep into her lovers. _I want you._ Anya could practically hear those words from Raven without her having to speak. Anya used one hand to wrap around the back of Raven's neck, while the other hand slipped through her waistband and between her thighs. Her fingers slid through Raven's folds. Causing the mechanic to pull Anya down into her lips, so she could moan into her mouth again. Anya rubbed her clit slowly at first and picked up the pace when Raven's hips started bucking for more friction. Their lips almost never parted. Tongues constantly colliding. Anya then entered Raven with two fingers, causing the girl to throw her head back in pleasure. "Fuck, Ahhh, Aaanyaa". Anya could feel her own wetness soaking her underwear, But her main focus right now was making her girlfriend come.

Anya now pumping her fingers inside of Raven. Both of them letting small moans escape their mouths. Messy kisses and nibbles on the neck. Anya could feel Raven clench around her fingers. "Fuck" Anya breathed out. "Mmm, come for me". Raven cursed and bit her lip. Those words drove Raven crazy and put her immediately over the edge. Her back arching and her hips bucking to match the pace of Anya's fingers as she rode out her orgasm.

Anya couldn't help but give her girlfriend a cocky smile. "Well, then"

Raven chuckled. "That was amazing" She said between breaths.

"I hope so" Anya pulled her fingers out and slowly put them up to her mouth. Making sure Raven was giving her full eye contact, Anya sucked on her fingers so she could get a good taste of her girlfriend.

Raven practically growled at the sight and bit her lip. "Fuck" She whimpered.

"You taste great" Anya wiggled her eyebrows before Raven pulled the older girl down, kissing her passionately.

Raven quickly turned Anya onto her back in a swift motion. Anya was taken by surprise. "Your turn".

 **Next chapter Clarke and Lexa will finally communicate. We'll see where that goes. Also Clarke's birthday, Yay! Thanks for reading :)**


	14. Chapter 14 - I'm Sorry

**Hey guys, sorry for yet another late update. I hope you enjoy the chapter.**

Chapter 14 - I'm Sorry

Friday morning Lexa woke to laughter floating from the kitchen followed by dishes clinking together. Her eyes fluttered open as she pulled her pillow over her face to try and block out the noises. _Fucking Anya and Raven._ Moments later loud knocks came to Lexa's bedroom door.

"What?" Lexa asked in annoyance. No reply came and Lexa huffed as she threw her pillow to the ground. "FUCKING HELL ANYA" Lexa rolled her eyes. She knew she had to get ready for school. _Or I could just stay in bed all day._ _But its Clarke's birthday, would she want to see me today? I'm still not sure where we stand._

But Lexa didn't hesitate. She wanted to let Clarke know she still cares as much as she ever did. She picked up her phone and typed a message.

 **Lexa 7:45 am:** Happy Birthday, Clarke :)

Lexa then dressed in her usual attire. Ripped skinny jeans, black tank top and a flannel thrown over the top with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. Her hair still had braids from the day before, It was somewhat messy but she decided she enjoyed the look. She looked into the mirror with a small smile, she took a deep breath. "Today's a new day" She whispered.

The brunette made her way into the kitchen where Anya and Raven were ready to leave.

"Grab a pancake and let's go" Anya said as she motioned towards the kitchen bench.

"Not hungry" Lexa stated.

"I never see you eat, how do you live?" Raven asked as she smiled towards Anya. Both of them shared discrete smirks (or not so discrete) and Lexa didn't miss a beat.

"Forget about me, why are you two looking at eachother like that" They had all made it into Anya's car. Lexa in the back seat, Raven and Anya in the front. The brunette eyed them both intensely.

"What are you talking about?" Anya raised an eyebrow. Another giant smile thrown towards the mechanic, Raven grinning right back. Lexa could even see that both girls were glowing.

"You had sex" Lexa smirked when neither girl made a comment. "Knew it"

"It was so great" Raven said as she bit her bottom lip. Anya leaned over and kissed the mechanic.

"You should come over tonight after Clarkes party" Anya smooched Raven again, this time she deepened the kiss.

"I'M STILL HERE" Lexa protested. "No sex just yet, drive us to school Anya, you're going to make us late" Lexa rolled her eyes when the older girl gave her a playful wink. _There's no way you're coming back to the apartment drunk and horny with Raven tonight._

* * *

Clarke jolted up and quickly grabbed her phone from her bedside table. _9:01 am_ "Fuck I'm late for school". She was surprised with the amount of texts she had received from her friends and couldn't help but smile when she saw Lexa's. _Stop._ Clarke started reading Raven's texts first as they seemed to be more consistent.

 **Raven 6:47 am:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLONDIE CAN'T WAIT TO EMBARRASS YOU TODAY 3

 **Raven 7:50 am:** Lexa looks like a puppy when she's half asleep

 _I take It she stayed over at Anya's._ Clarke chuckled to herself and started to imagine a sleepy Lexa with messy bed hair and cute little pouty lips.

 **Raven 8:05 am:** Are you alive?

 **Raven 8:15 am:** We're all at school waiting for you

 **Raven 8:30 am:** BITCH ANSWER I SWEAR TO GOD

A new message had just come through. Clarke's eyes widened.

 **Raven 9:06 am:** ANSWER NOW OR I'LL TELL LEXA YOU DREW HER

 **Clarke 9:06 am:** DON'T YOU DARE

 **Raven 9:07 am:** Well, well. Look who's finally alive.

 **Clarke 9:07 am:** Sorry I slept in. I'll be at school soon.

Clarke replied to the rest of her texts from her friends. She then glanced at Lexa's.

 **Lexa 7:45 am:** Happy Birthday, Clarke :)

 **Clarke 9:11 am:** Thank you, Lexa. See you soon :)

Clarke wasn't prepared for today. Everyone knew it was her birthday and would probably make a big deal about it. _I didn't even want a party to start with, and something tells me it won't be small like I planned._

The blonde quickly got ready. Her blonde locks flowing naturally and her blue eyes matching the blue sweat jacket she had decided to wear. She had her father's watch on and smiled slightly when she glanced down to her wrist. Clarke then grabbed everything she needed an chucked them in her backpack. She rushed downstairs and found her mother reading a magazine and sipping on a cup of coffee.

"You couldn't wake me?" Clarke asked as she made her way to the refrigerator to see if there was anything she could eat on the go.

Abby smiled. "I thought you could use the rest, you always work so hard at school. One sleep in won't hurt"

Clarke smiled back at her mother. "Thank you".

Abby got up and reached behind the dinner table where she hid a gift she had for Clarke. "Clarke?" Abby watched her daughter scramble through the contents of their refrigerator.

"Mmm?" Clarke hummed. The blonde was disappointed by the lack of food they had and shut the refrigerator door with a pout.

"I got you another gift" Abby stood up, the gift bag now in hand.

"Mom, you already gave me a gift"

"Shh" Abby protested. "Let me spoil my daughter"

Clarke gave a toothy grin and walked towards her mother, grabbing the gift bag and kissing Abby on the cheek. "Thank you"

"Did you want to go out for breakfast?" Abby asked as she watched her daughter open her gift.

Clarke was completely focused on what Abby had bought her. In the bag was new art supplies, the expensive ones Clarke was always talking about. Paint, paintbrushes, pencils, chalk, charcoal, sketch pads, you name it, it was in there. Clarke looked up at her mother and shook her head playfully. "Mom, this is amazing, how, why-"

"Shhh" Abby cut her daughter off. "You deserve it" She brought Clarke in for a hug. "There's also a few large canvases hiding in my room. The good kind"

"Thank you Mom, you're amazing" She squeezed Abby tighter.

"Also you didn't answer my question" Abby released her grip on Clarke. "Would you like to go out for breakfast?"

"You don't mind that I'm missing out on school?"

Abby shook her head. "I'd like to spend time with my daughter for her birthday, you can go to school later. And I'll be working pretty late tonight, remember?"

Clarke nodded. "I know"

"I'll drop you off at school after breakfast, how does that sound?"

"Perfect"

* * *

"Tonight is going to be hella fun" Raven exclaimed.

"Pity you can't come, Lexa" Anya said as she looked up at said brunette.

"You know I have boxing" Lexa replied with a frown. Yeah, sure she had boxing but the main reason Lexa was avoiding Clarke's party was the fact she had no idea, still, how Clarke really felt. She knew Clarke was hurt and she still wasn't fully forgiven.

"Boxing finishes at what time?" Anya raised an eyebrow.

"9" Lexa glared at her best friend.

"Well come after 9 then dummy" Raven said as she bit into her sandwich.

Lexa rolled her eyes. "You two don't get it"

"I thought you wanted to fix things, Woods" Raven spoke with her mouth full.

"So charming" Anya said playfully. The mechanic gave the older girl a wink.

"I do" Lexa sighed. "But I don't... i don't want to push her, you know? I kinda fucked things up pretty bad before"

"Lexa you need to stop beating yourself up about it" Anya stated and even Raven nodded in agreeance.

Just as Lexa was about to speak again when Anya murmered Clarkes name and looked up to the cafeteria doors.

"Look who it is, little miss _'I'll be at school soon'_ " Raven mocked and looked down to her wrist to an imaginary watch. "oh look, three and a half hours LATER" Raven shook her head playfully.

Clarke rolled her eyes and smiled at her friend. Raven got up and hugged Clarke. "Sorry, Mom wanted to grab breakfast with me, then we went shopping"

"Happy Birthday loser" Raven ruffled Clarkes hair and the blonde frowned slapping the mechanics hand away.

Clarke had noticed Anya and Lexa sitting at the table. _Where's the others?_

Lexa was unsure how to act. _Does she want me to speak to her? Does she-_

"Hey, Lexa" Clarke said sweetly. A small smile on her face. Lexa's heart started hammering inside of her chest.

"Clarke..Hey" Her palms were sweating. "Uh, Happy Birthday" Lexa smiled back. _Should I hug her or?_

"Thanks" _She looks awfully adorable today. I've missed her. Fuck._

"Happy Birthday, Griffin" Anya cooed.

"Can we not make my birthday a big deal guys?" Clarke said as she settled beside Lexa.

"No can do" Raven gave the blonde a soft grin.

Clarke now ignoring Raven, turned to Lexa. "How are you?" She sounded a little off. The blonde was still unsure of how to tread around the brunette.

"I'm feeling better" Lexa wasn't lying. She felt as if a small ounce of weight had been lifted off her shoulders ever since she had text Clarke about her feelings, although it wasn't nearly half of what she needed to get off her chest, but it was something. _A step in the right direction._

Clarke smiled. "So you can't come tonight?" She wanted Lexa to be there. She cared for the brunette, more than she should, more than she wanted. _She's inevitable._

"I have boxing, but I'm looking forward to tomorrow, we're still on for that. Right?" Lexa wanted to be sure.

The blue eyed girl nodded and tried to cover her disappointment. _I can't help but feel as if there's some odd surge of gravity that's luring me towards her, pulling me, forcing me. I can't stop._ Clarke looked back up at Lexa and caught her forest green peering right back at her. _And it feels different. A good different. There's a different glint in Lexa's eyes. They're screaming things again. And it's almost as if they're screaming softer. They're screaming something different. What is it?_

"Clarke?" The blonde was taken out of her thoughts when she heard Lexa's soft voice.

"Sorry uh.. Yeah tomorrow. Tomorrow I can't wait" _Shit did that sound too eager?_

Lexa gave a shy grin and a tint of red formed on her cheeks. _God why does Clarke have this effect on me?_

Raven and Anya seemed to be whispering into each others ears and giggling. Clarke eyed them for a second before looking back at Lexa questioningly.

Lexa leaned over to Clarke, a move she wished she hadn't made once she realized how close she was to the girls face. But she didn't stop. Close to her ear Lexa whispered "They had sex".

Clarke slightly felt Lexa's breath on her neck and she would be lying if she said it didn't give her goosebumps. Her insides swirling around in warmth and _arousal?_ The blonde quickly pushed those thoughts away. And as Lexa leaned back on her chair their eyes making that electrifying contact once more, Clarke breathed out a nervous chuckle in attempt to laugh at the fact that their friends had sex but really all Clarke could think of was Lexa. _That shouldn't have affected me the way it just did._

* * *

Clarke was drunk. Clarke was really drunk. Her small gathering for a party turned into quite a large one. Things had been broken. One of her mother's favorite vases and a kitchen chair for example. She knew her mother wouldn't be very happy, Abby trusted her but Clarke let it turn into, well, a mess. She was a mess herself. The whole night there was only one thing on Clarke's mind, no matter how much alcohol she flushed into her system. _Lexa._

The music was even loud when the blonde made it up to her bedroom to rest. Her head was throbbing and she wasn't in the right state to keep drinking. She felt violently ill and was sure she would pass out and accepted she'd have to face the heap of trouble she'd be in the next day.

Her door creaked open and a mildly tipsy Raven walked in. "Griffin?" She whispered.

Clarke was laying face down on her bed, smothered in her pillows. A small grunt in repliance was all the mechanic got in return.

Raven smirked and sat on the edge of the bed. "You passed out already, Clarke? It's only 10 pm" She pulled the covers over Clarke and tucked her into bed. "Your game is weak" Raven chuckled when the blonde grunted again. "I hope you're okay. You seemed distant tonight" She heard the girls breathing even out, now realizing Clarke had fallen asleep.

* * *

The sun was beaming through Clarke's bedroom window. As her eyes made contact with the light source a jolt of pain struck through her head. _Fuck._ She threw the pillows over her face and tried to ease the pain but a bottle of water and some aspirin were much needed. Moments passed and she gathered the guts to open her eyes again, despite the pain. She noticed that there was in fact water and aspirin and also a tiny note stuck to the bottle on her bedside table. She groaned as she reached over to grab the water. Ripping the note off and trying her best to make out what it said.

 _You passed out pretty early blondie, but we cleaned up and got everyone out before your mom arrived. O went home with Lincoln and I went home with Anya. Hope you aren't too fucked when you wake me xx_

 _Your favorite best friend, sexy Rae rae._

 _Raven._ Clarke smiled. Raven was truly an amazing friend. _Does that mean mom doesn't want to kill me?_

Clarke turned the note over and noticed another line of writing placed on the back.

 _P.s You made out with Ontari whoops_

"WHAT?" Clarke jolted up. _Was that a bad thing?_ She couldn't quite place it but she felt somewhat of a form of guilt building up inside of her. _What the fuck._

She grabbed her phone, quickly found Raven's contact and called her. As it began to ring Clarke slumped back down into her pillows. Her head in more throbbing pain than ever.

" _Hello?"_ Raven's voice was muffled.

"Raven?"

" _Clarke? What's wrong? You woke me up"_

"Uh sorry, I just" She took a deep breath. "What happened last night?"

Clarke heard what seemed like a giggle from Raven. " _Calm down Clarke, nothing bad_ "

"But your note, I made out with Ontari?"

 _"It was a dare, Clarke, you just made out a little longer than expected_ " The mechanic giggled again.

The blonde groaned at that information. "Fuck"

 _"Although you did ask for Lexa a lot"_ She was sure there was a grin plastered on Raven's face.

"What?" _I hate not remembering._

" _Yeah, you even asked us to take you to her, but I found you passed out in your room not long after_ " Raven paused for a moment. " _You need to sort your shit out with her, Griff"_ Clarke was then sure she could hear Anya in the background say _"The thirst is real"_

"I'm talking to her today" She reminded Raven. A sigh left her lips and she groaned once more in agony.

" _You okay_?"

"I feel like im dying, Rae"

The mechanic laughed. " _I'll let you die in peace then"_

"Gee thanks, you're great friend"

" _Yeah I know"_ Raven chuckled " _And don't worry so much about Ontari, you were both really drunk, she probably won't even remember"_

Clarke felt somewhat eased at that. It's not that she didn't like Ontari, it's just that _It doesn't seem right. "_ Thanks Raven"

* * *

Lexa was nervous, but she forced herself to knock on Clarkes front door. A gift in hand. _Maybe it's too much._

Abby answered the door and smiled. "Lexa, hey, come in"

"Thanks Dr. Griffin" Lexa smiled right back.

"Please, call me Abby" She glanced down to Lexa's hand. "How's the hand?"

"Healing" The brunette replied.

"Clarkes just up in her room"

Lexa nodded and proceeded up the stairs. Taking a deep breath before knocking on Clarke's door.

"Come in" The blonde called.

Lexa walked into the room, a nervous smile printed on her face. "Hi".

"Lexa, hi" Clarke's eyes widened when she saw what was in Lexa's hands. The brunette now handing the gift to Clarke.

"For you, Clarke, Happy birthday"

"Lexa, oh my, you didn't have to-"

"Shh" Lexa hushed. "You deserve it and I guess... I guess it is apart of my apology too" Lexa wondered if that was the right thing to say. "I mean, not that I'm trying to buy your apology I mean like you-"

"Lexa" Clarke breathed out. "It's okay" She assured. The blonde took the gift from Lexa and opened it. _Books?_

"Art books, I wasn't sure what one to get, so I bought a few. A couple explain the history of art, different types of art-" She cut herself off, trying to read Clarke's face. "Are they okay? I mean, I can take them back if-"

"This is amazing" The blonde gazed up to her. "Lexa, honestly" A toothy smile appeared on Clarke's face. Lexa's heart started racing at the sight. The corners of her own mouth twitching upwards. "This is perfect" Her gaze fell back down to the books, her fingertips softly skimming over them in appreciation.

"There's a card in there too"

Shining blue eyes found the card, as she opened it something had fallen out. "What the-" Clarke picked them up and her eyes had a look of awe. They were tickets to the towns art gallery event. New pieces were being shown off, different artists would be there and Lexa remembered Clarke mentioning the gallery a couple of times.

"Is that okay?" Lexa was unsure.

"Okay? Lexa this is amazing, I can't..." She was finding it hard to form her words. "This is way too much, It would have cost you much I-"

"I have my ways, Clarke". The blonde felt enticed by the way her name rolled off Lexa's tongue.

"I can't wait to go with you" Clarke began to place her new books on her desk.

"Me?" Lexa automatically thought Clarke would take someone else. "You don't have to, you can take anyone you like"

"I want to go with you" Clarke turned back and gave her a small smile. Her eyes darting down to Lexa's hand. "Is your hand okay? I'm sorry I forgot to ask" She never failed to miss the harsh bruising thay layed over Lexa's knuckles.

"Its fine, Clarke. Nothing broken" She softly smiled. "Can we uh.." Lexa cleared her throat. "Can we talk now?"

Clarke nodded. "Of course" She motioned for the brunette to sit on her bed.

"Clarke I" She wasn't sure how to say how she felt or why she did what she did. But she was going to try her best. She pushed herself and continued to speak. Ignoring the mix of nervousness and other such emotions filling her body. "I'm so sorry" It's the way she says it, the way she twitches, the way her jaw clenches and her forest green eyes water as they look back up to Clarke. "I'm so sorry for being an asshole". She shifts uncomfortably.

Clarke nods. "I know you are" Her words are soft. "I forgive you, Lexa"

Lexa wants to smile, but she tells herself she doesn't deserve to be forgiven so easily. So she continues with her apology. "You don't have to forgive me yet, what I did was low and uncalled for" Her hands were fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. "I'm not usually one to care for someone so much I-" Lexa shook her head. "No, that come out wrong. I'm not used to feeling such a deep connection with another person before. You're amazing, Clarke. You're a joy to be around. I feel solaced when I'm spending my time with you. I have never felt that with anyone before" Her eyes were afraid to look back to Clarke's because she knew her ocean blue orbs were boring into her. "Not even with, Anya".

"I feel the same way, Lexa" She wasn't lying. When they previously spent time together it was calmness that vibed between them.

"Clarke, I don't want to lose you as a friend" _I like you more than a friend, but for now that's not what we need._

"I don't want to lose you either, Lexa" Clarke's hand had made it way to Lexa's and was resting upon it for comfort. "I'm sorry I got caught up in those feelings and jealousy-"

"No, Clarke" Lexa protested. "Don't apologize please" She could feel the touch from the blonde heating her up. "That was my fault" _Come on, Woods. A new you. A new day. Just say it._ "I don't do relationships" She doesn't say it. She doesn't tell Clarke how much she has fallen head over heels for her. She doesn't tell Clarke how fast her heart beats when she hears the alluring sound of her beautiful laugh. She doesn't tell Clarke that she think she could actually fall in love with her. No. She doesn't tell Clarke at all. "But I-"

Clarke felt a ping of hurt, but ignored it, feeling as if it was wrong to feel that way. "It's okay, Lexa, I know we weren't doing anything that was leading to a relationship" _Were we?_

"No it's not okay" Lexa now looked back up at Clarke, a risky move. "I feel so great when I'm with you, when we kissed, it meant something. You weren't" She cleared her throat once more. "You aren't just any girl, Clarke. And that's what scares me. You're so intriguing, I wanted more of you" _I still do, I ache for you._ She doesn't say it. "But, I don't want to ruin our friendship, Clarke, your friendship means a lot to me" _Were we even friends to begin with?_

Clarke nods understanding Lexa's every word. "Your friendship means a lot to me too" _And I guess it makes sense. We can be just friends, right? I'd still feel that sense of belonging whenever we spend time together. Her presence would still calm me. She is the only one that has tried to understand me fully. This is something anything more than a friendship would ruin, right?_ Clarke launched forward and wrapped her arms around Lexa. "I forgive you"

She melted into Clarkes embrace, she shouldn't have, but she did. "I'm sorry, Cl-"

"Shut up and stop apologizing" Clarke giggled. And just like that, it came naturally, Lexa felt at ease again.

They hugged longer than they should have and when they pulled apart both girls had to fight the urge to look down to the others lips.

 **Hope you enjoyed. Be sure to leave your thoughts and suggestions and what you might want to see in future chapters. Stay tuned to see how Clarke and Lexa progress. Also, more Ranya smut coming your way.**


	15. Chapter 15 - Is This What I Really Want

**Finally got another chapter up for you guys! The next chapter might be late also, considering this weekend I'm meeting Eliza Taylor, I can't contain my excitement ;) I'll have another one up before next Friday though, I'm going on holiday then to see my girlfriend, so who knows how often I'll be able to update in that time. Anyway, enjoy this chapter. And let me know your thoughts! :)**

Chapter 15 – Is This What I Really Want?

Clarke felt as if she knew so much about Lexa but also felt like she hardly knew her at all. The blonde ached to know all the things she didn't, _why is this so important to me?_ She sighed. The two girls had spent the rest of their Saturday at Clarke's house, just two friends, watching Netflix, telling lame jokes that caught them in fits of snorting laughter, making fun of one another and taking selfies pulling silly faces. It made Clarke feel somewhat whole again. And no matter how hard she tried she just couldn't explain that feeling. She couldn't explain why Lexa's laugh ran through her and filled every needy space that craved the feeling of sereneness. She couldn't explain why the soft gaze of Lexa's forest green orbs that made her feel so _at peace._ Peace was something her mind had been deterred from lately, losing Wells and having flashbacks from her father's death had been something constantly slipping into her mind, how couldn't it? Clarke felt broken. Her heart would never mend the same again. That was impossible. _But I guess we all bear the scars of our losses, right? No matter who or what it was._

Lexa felt the same, in a sense. She also felt that being in Clarke's presence made her feel less damaged. Less invisible. She didn't know what it exactly was about the blue eyed girl, but something about her lured in her mind and soul. _When I'm with Clarke, she brings out a side I can't show to anyone else. A side that I thought had been lost the day my parents died. A side of me that I'm so scared to show but with Clarke it's inevitable. It lets itself out naturally._ And Lexa won't show that side to anyone else. Even if Clarke only caught a small glimpse of what was hiding within the brunette, it was still more than Lexa has ever given to anyone ever before. Anya was familiar with that side of Lexa when she was 8 years old but had never witnessed it again. _So what is it about Clarke? How can a stranger walk into your life and dig deep down into your mind and heart so easily, like there's an unbreakable connection you both sense instantly and you feel the jolts of electricity from that connection run though your enitre being, and all of a sudden they bring out a side of you you forgot even existed. They make you want to tell them all your secrets and desires._

And that's why they need each other.

* * *

The two girls were sitting with their friends at Octavia's soccer match. Raven sat on Anya's lap. Lincoln sat with Bellamy who just so happened to turn up to support his little sister. Monty and Jasper sat together, Jasper was oggling the girls on the field which caused Clarke to give him a light tap over the head. Clarke and Lexa sat beside each other, everything felt normal and just so _right_ to be that way again.

"Hey bitches" A familiar voice called. Ontari strolled up to them with a smug face. Luna, Emori and Echo following close behind.

"Is this a whole band outing?" Anya smirked.

"You could say that" The punk girl chipped.

Clarke immediately felt a rush of embarrassment thinking about the fact she had kissed Ontari less than 2 days ago. Lexa didn't miss the way Clarke dropped her head so no eye contact was made with the other girl.

"Clarke?" Lexa whispered.

The blonde looked up slightly to Lexa's eyes. "Yes?"

"Everything okay?" She was still very hush.

"Peachy" Clarkes eyes darted back down.

Just as Lexa was about to question Clarke again Ontari sat next to the blonde. "Hey you"

Luna and Emori started chatting with Anya while Echo sat beside Lexa. An awkward smile was shared.

* * *

 _4 months earlier_

 _"So all that awesome guitar playing you must be really good with your fingers then, huh?" Lexa grabbed Echo at her waist and gave her a flirtatious grin._

 _"Hmm wouldn't you like to know" Echo's eyes flashed to Lexa's plump lips that ached to be kissed. They inched closer, slowly until their mouths were barely touching, hovering. Echo could feel Lexa's hot breath on her skin, eyes looking deep into each other now but the only emotion that lingered was never lasting lust._

 _"Maybe" Lexa whispered. A smirk tugging at her lips. "But not just yet". The brunette pushed the guitar player against the wall, dominance was declared as she started unbuttoning the other girls jeans. Lips now connected in sloppy, wet, messy, heated kisses. Tongues dancing around together as Echos thigh brushed against where Lexa craved to be touched the most. But not now..._

 _"Oomph" Echo breathed out as Lexa slammed her back against the wall as she tried to take control. The brunettes eyes were dark and full of determination._

 _"I'm in charge" She whispered into her ear as a trail of hickeys were then left down Echo's neck. Soft moans of pleasure released from her lips as Lexa dominated her hand into Echo's pants. The girl whimpered and Lexa gave a small triumph grin against her neck. She rubbed against the heat between Echo's legs, wetness seeping through her panties._

 _"Fuck" Echo groaned. "Stop teasing"_

 _Lexa's lips found themselves pressed back harshly against the guitar players. Her teeth tugging aggressively at her bottom lip. "Don't tell me what to do, okay?" Lexa raised her eyebrow and let out a deep raspy chuckle. Echo nodded. Lexa's hand made its way beneath the next layer of material, now allowing her to drag her fingertips through Echo's arousal. Her hips bucked against Lexa's hand, aching for her to enter her._

 _"Please" She begged. Lexa gave yet another provocative smirk. Her free hand now running up Echo's stomach, over her ribs, under her bra and cupped perfectly over her breast. A nipple caught between Lexa's fingers made Echo melt into the crook of her neck._

 _"You're going to come for me now, okay?" Lexa said it with such an audacious grin. Her actions played out like this with every girl she chose to have fun with. She was fearless. A tease. She loved to control and lure girls into wanting more of her. She loved it. The feeling of being wanted. Being useful. Obviously for her, in the most enjoyable way possible. This was her escape._

 _Lexa slipped two of her fingers inside of the other girl. A moan escaped Echo's mouth as she threw her head back. "Look at me" Lexa whispered ever so lightly in her ear which caused a mass of goosebumps to run down her back. Echo looked back up, Lexa thrusted harder, her palm rubbing against Echo's pulsing clit, now creating a build up. She could feel wetness dripping from her fingers as she pumped them in and out, harder and harder, consistency was held and Echo moaned loud once again causing Lexa so smash her mouth against hers in attempt to muffle her sounds._

 _The two were fucking in an unused rehearsal room in the back of a very busy bar. The band had a gig but right now these girls had other plans before Echo entered the stage. Lexa smirked against the kisses that were placed messily upon Echo's swollen lips._

 _"L..L..Lexaaa" Echo was almost breathless and Lexa was eager to make her come hard. Her rhythm was kept and Echo matched that rhythm by grinding against Lexa's hand. The brunette bit down on her neck once again, leaving more bruises, clearly visible for others to see. "I'm.i...i" Echo whimpered. "I'm going to come Le-"_

 _"Shut up and come for me" The demanding words with the tone of Lexa's voice pushed her over the edge. She came moaning into Lexa's mouth. A grin tugged on both of their lips as she rode out her orgasm. "Good girl"_

* * *

Echo playfully nudged Lexa. Her fingers now running through the ends of the brunettes hair. "You've always had such nice hair, Lexa" She smiled ever so sweetly.

Lexa knew. Echo was flirting. Echo wanted something. Sure, Lexa had fun with Echo that one time. _But that was just one time._ "Thanks" Lexa smiled back, not wanting to give off too much of a negative vibe.

Clarke looked at the interaction between Echo and Lexa and that familiar feeling bubbled up inside her again. _Fuck, Fuck. Fuck! Lexa is my friend. I shouldn't care who flirts with her. Is Echo flirting with her?_ She studied the other girls eyes and smile, the way she looked at Lexa made her stomach flip. _Of course she's fucking flirting with her._

"Hello?" Ontari looked a little concerned.

"Sorry uh, hey Ontari" Clarke gave her a small smile. _Why am I trying to avoid Ontari anyway? She's hot. She's in a band. She's clearly into me, right? Oh gosh. Why does this all feel so wrong?_

"You okay?"

Clarkes eyes darted to Echo and Lexa again as they made small talk. "Yeah I-" She turned back to Ontari. _Fuck it._ "I had fun the other night" The blonde placed her hand on Ontari's knee. A flirty grin now tugging the corners of her mouth.

Ontari seemed pleased at Clarke's confession. Her own hand falling on top of Clarke's. "So did I" Ontari winked.

Lexa didn't quite catch everything that was said between Ontari and Clarke. But her insides were churning at the actions they displayed before her. Echo's chatter was faded as Lexa tried to focus more on what Ontari and Clarke were smiling about. _What the fuck? Clarkes hand. On..on her knee?_ Her jaw clenched as every unpleasant thought rushed through her mind. _No..NO.. I can't be like this. Clarke is my friend. Clarke is my best friend._ Lexa sighed. She didn't even realized her fists were clenched until she unclenched them when Echo softly brushed her hand over her shoulder.

"Lexa?" She asked. "I said we'll have to hang out sometime soon" Lexa looked back at Echo who looked down at Lexa's lips as she bit her own.

Lexa cleared her throat. _Does she really want this?_ "Sure thing" She forced out her charmful smile.

* * *

"So you and Echo huh?" Anya eyed Lexa with small smirk forming on her face. The two were slumped on the living room sofa eating mac and cheese. "What are you getting into sexy Lexy?" She teased.

The brunette rolled her eyes. "Nothing, honestly"

"That's sure not what it looked like at Octavia's soccer match"

"Why are you always up in my business?" Lexa glared at Anya while blowing on her hot mac and cheese that sat on her fork.

"I'm not, Lex"

"You are"

"Just curious about you and Echo, Le-"

"Why don't you question Clarke about Ontari, huh?" Lexa dropped her fork in annoyance. _Calm. Lexa. Calm._

And then it hit Anya. _Lexa is jealous._ Whether she liked to admit it or not, there was no way Lexa could stop the bubbling jealousy that flowed furiously within her. "I'm sure it's nothing-"

"I shouldn't even care. No" Lexa paused. A deep breath taken in as her eyes closed slowly. "No. I don't care" The brunette continued with a blunt tone to her voice. Her breath released and she opened her eyes to Anya eyeing her intently. "What?"

"Nothing"

"Whatever"

* * *

"I think Ontari wants to ask me to the dance" Clarke told her friends as they layed in Octavia's bed, waiting on Bellamy to bring them Indian for dinner.

"Are you going to go with her?" Octavtia asked.

"I don't know, O" The blonde frowned. "I had plans to go with Lexa, you know, before everything happened" She dropped her head as her cheeks flushed. "Just as friends but I'm not sure if that still stands or not"

"Oh Griff Griff" Raven pat Clarke on the shoulder. "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone new" Raven caught Clarke's confused look. "You do want to get over Lexa right?"

"What makes you think I'm not already over her?"

"Uh.. Do you listen to yourself? " Octavia scoffed. "Lexa this, Lexa that, Lexa's soooo good at boxing, her abs are sensational, she's entering the championships, and her tattoos are soooo cool. Oh! Lexa! She's so smart-" The soccer player mocked with her best attempt in Clarke's voice until the blonde cut her off with a cushion to the face.

Raven tried to contain her laughter. "She's kind of right, Clarke"

"You guys aren't really helping" She settled back down into the bed.

"Like I said, get under someone new" Clarke's cheeks flushed a tinge of pink once again. _I was never really under Lexa to begin with, but oh god I – STOP STOP STOP._ "Guys you know I'm a virgin" Her face flushing a brighter pink by the second.

Octavia let a slight chuckle escape her, listening to Clarke's innocence. "Dork, it's just a figure of speech"

"Ontari is hot, Griffin. She's the lead of a band, what more could you want?" Raven nudged Clarke wiggling her eyebrows.

"Maybe" She sighed. "I like her I guess, she's cool". _Maybe I'll talk to Lexa about this. I mean, she is my bestfriend. She'll understand._

"FOODS HERE" Bellamy's voice echoed down the hall and Octavia literally bolted from her room ready to fill her stomach with the Indian food he brought home. Clarke and Raven turned and looked at each other, amazed by Octavias speed, shaking their heads with laughter.

* * *

It was the middle of the week, Clarke made her way to Lexa's place after school. The two had planned a study/movie night. Sitting up at the dinner table, textbooks flipped open, homework sheets laid out across the table and notebooks open in attempt to get as much work done as they could.

"I hate math" Clarke sulked.

"I hate biology"

"Biology is easy"

"Math is easy"

"Will you help me with math, if I help you with biology?" Clarke asked with a smile Lexa has always adored.

"Of course, Clarke" Lexa flashed a genuine smile back, looking into the ocean blue of Clarke's eyes. _I swear they're something I could get lost in._

2 hours later and the two found themselves finishing up earlier that they thought.

"Don't forget to revise those notes" Clarke reminded Lexa. "Pretty sure we have a practice test next week, so you don't want to fail"

Lexa sighed loudly while the blonde smiled at Lexa's overreaction. "Why'd you take biology if you don't like it?"

"Other classes were full, I had to" Lexa rolled her eyes, but a small smile appeared on her lips. Being with Clarke always caused her to break out in smiles and laughter.

After a while the girls settled down to watch movies as planned. Lexa knew horror movies were a no go. So she gathered a few cute Disney movies instead. They sat next to each other, not uncomfortably close, but close enough for both of them to feel content.

"Lex?" Clarke asked. Lexa hummed in response, eyes not leaving the tv screen. "Are you really friends with Ontari?"

Lexa's head whipped to face Clarke instantly. Maybe a little too quickly. _Calm._ "Ontari? Uh.." Lexa hesitated. "She's cool, an acquaintance I guess"

"Oh" the blondes eyes landed back to the movie.

"Why?" _Like I don't sort of know._

"I think..." Clarke faced Lexa once more. Their eyes connecting as Lexa shifted uncomfrotably in the unknown tension that suddenly filled the room. "I think she likes me"

"What makes you say that?" _Once again, like I don't know. Who wouldn't like Clarke anyway?_

"She uh" Clarke had to tell Lexa. She ignored the feeling of guilt, not knowing why she felt such a way. "We kissed at my party"

Lexa's heart sunk. She shouldn't feel that way, she shouldn't feel as if her breath was sucked from her own lungs. She shouldn't feel like she had just been punched in the gut over and over. She shouldn't feel as if she actually _lost_ Clarke, because she was right there. But she _did_ feel that way. _Clam Lexa. Calm. Calm._ Lexa pursed her lips. _Fuck._ She was definitely lost for words, all she could do was nod in response. Her jaw clenched as so many emotions and feelings built up inside of her. _I wonder how long it will take for them to spill, because honest to god, I can fucking feel it coming._

"I don't know who else I can talk to about it, Lexa" Clarke admitted. "Sure, Raven and O are cool about things, but with you? I feel like I can tell you so much more"

 _I guess that's a good thing.. In a way._ "It's okay, Clarke" Lexa forced a supportive smile. "Do you like her?"

"I .. I don't know. As a friend? Sure. But more than that? I'm not so sure"

 _Then why were you flirting with her?_ "Give it a try, Clarke" It took every fiber in Lexa's body to say those words, worst part she wasn't even 100% sure why it was so hard.

Clarke nodded. "Maybe, I know we were originally going to go to the dance together" Clarke shifted slightly. "But I uh, I assumed that was called off after everything that happened. Ontari asked me to go, I hope that's okay?"

"I'm happy for you, Clarke" Lexa didn't even smile. And Clarke was sure those words were more blunt than abetting.


	16. Chapter 16 - Just Surviving

Chapter 16 – Just surviving

"If you can invite Lexa, then I'm inviting Anya!" Raven protested.

Both Clarke and Raven were bickering about who should be allowed at Clarke's sleepover and who shouldn't.

"Um? Anya is your girlfriend. No partners allowed we agreed on this!" The blonde huffed.

"Yeah! Or people that you're potentially into-"

"Well if you're inviting Anya, and you're inviting Lexa, I'm inviting Lincoln!" Octavia cut in.

"O, no way. He's a guy, that can't happen" The mechanic looked back at her friend who was walking slightly behind them in the school hallways.

Octavia scoffed, speeding up to reach the other two girls. Stepping in between them. "But it's okay for you to invite your girlfriend?"

"Hell yeah it is" Raven grinned. "It's not like we're going to do anythi-"

"No!" Clarke's steps came to a halt, the other two girls stopped with her. "Anya can't come because she is your girlfriend!" She faced Octavia. "Lincoln can't come because he is your boyfriend". The blonde took a deep breath. "Lexa is coming because she is one of my best friends. Nothing more. You guys need to accept that. If you don't like her? Don't come.." Clarke was about to storm off when Raven pulled her back.

"Okay Clarke" She dropped the blondes arm. "We get it. Just..just don't get weird okay".

A frown formed on Clarkes face. "Weird?"

"You might still like like her"

"Well I'm telling you, I don't" I do.

* * *

The three girls found themselves lounging about in Clarke's living room. Raven sprawled out over the bean bag, Octavia in the recliner chair and Clarke layed out on the sofa.

"We've literally watched every movie" Octavia complains as she watches Raven flick through Netflix for something to watch.

"When does Lexa get here?" Raven asked.

"Any minute now, she had to go home and shower after boxing" Clarke smiled as she read Lexa's text messages.

Lexa 7:15 pm: Are you sure Octavia even likes me?

Clarke 7:15 pm: ofc she does. Just hurry up and get here, Commander.

Lexa 7:16 pm: again with the commander nickname, why Clarke?

Clarke 7:16 pm: I'm telling you, Lexa. It suits you :p

Lexa 7:16 pm: I'm driving there now, see u soon x

Not even 10 minutes later Lexa arrived at Clarke's, the blonde greeted her with a hug. "Hey Clarke" Her embrace makes me feel warm inside. Like a fire has been ignited within my soul and the smoke from that fire is like the scent from her skin. It lingers.

"Finally Lex, we were beginning to think you got lost or something" Raven greeted Lexa with a smile.

"Sorry I had boxing" She returned with a gentle grin.

"Are you hungry?" Clarke asked as they all took their previous positions in the living room, Clarke and Lexa now sharing the sofa

"A little"

"I'm very hungry, hurry up and order the fucking pizza, Griff" Octavia whined.

"You're always hungry" The mechanic teased, dodging a scrunched up scrap of paper Octavia threw in her direction.

"Terrible shot"

* * *

The girls found themselves playing truth or dare while finishing off their pizza. Clarke and Lexa were sitting ridiculously close although neither of them thought anything of it. Octavia and Raven on the other hand were internally eye rolling and giving each other short knowing glances.

"Truth or dare?" Clarkes grin was somewhat radiating with something Lexa couldn't quite put her finger on. But she didn't care. The girl she adored was sitting with her leg draped over her. Their closeness was intimate. But only in such a way friends were intimate. Right?

"Truth" Lexa eyed the blonde girl, wondering what on earth was going on in her inquisitive mind.

"How many people have you slept with?" Clarke's gaze shifted slightly to the floor, wondering if the question was inappropriate. Her eyes fixed back onto Lexa's whos stare seemed to be soft and calm.

"Honestly?" Lexa smirked a little.

Raven nudged Lexa playfully. "Come on, spit it out"

"Hmm.. Maybe about... fifteen?" Did she regret it? No. Was she proud? No. But that doesn't really matter... because I'm kind of broken. She expected Clarke to see her differently. For sure, she would. I mean...-

"So less than Raven" Clarke joked as the mechanic playfully mocked the blondes laugh. Lexa felt ease at Clarkes reaction. And Clarke knew. She wanted Lexa to feel nothing but comfort around her, no matter what it was. And this was something that was definitely achieved.

"She's joking" Raven looked at Lexa "I'm not a whore" Her choice words probably weren't the best. "I mean not that you're a whore Lexa, I just-"

"Chill man" Lexa laughed as she lounged back into the sofa. "I am a bit of a whore"

"How about you Octavia?" Clarke asked.

The dark haired girl turned to Clarke, a small smile plastered on her face. "Its not my turn"

"You're right" Lexa began. "It's my turn" She wiggled her eyebrows at Clarke as she proceeded to ask the question. "How many people have you slept with?"

"Ugh fine, only two" She admitted.

The others nodded in response. They enjoyed the honesty that was shared but also the comfort that came with it. Like there was no pressure laid upon them.

"When are you going to get laid Clarke?" Raven quipped with a smirk.

Lexa felt Clarke shift next to her, they were still ridiculously close. Closer than friends should be. The blonde felt her own cheeks start to heat up.. "I uh I.."

Raven and Octavia almost burst out with laughter. "I'm kidding Griffin"

"Aahhh our pure Clarkey" Octavia hummed.

"Although, Maybe Lexa can help you out with that" Raven winked but immediately regret the words that left her mouth.

Lexa's eyes darted to the floor as the tips of her ears grew red, her stomach churning as she grew a little uneasy. Clarke was basically in the same state, She craved Lexa. She knows she wants Lexa. I'm going to fucking kill you, Reyes.

"Shit... too soon?"

Clarke shook her head. She positioned herself so she was completely off of Lexa and at least a meter apart from her. Even at the first second of parting, she felt cold. Empty. "You're an idiot, Reyes" Clarke played it off as nothing.

Lexa on the other hand, felt like a disease. She really doesn't want me. I really fucked it up. I want her close again. I want to feel her warmth upon my own skin, I crave It more than I've ever craved anything in my whole fucking life.

* * *

"Clarke we're hijacking you bed" Octavia jumped into the bed covering herself with the sheets, Raven had previously slid her way beneath the sheets also.

"Guys seriously, where am I meant to sleep? One of you were meant to share the floor with Lexa"

"You share the floor with Lexa" Raven giggled. "This is our bed now".

Lexa stood in the corner, slightly uncomfortable with the situation. The thought of sharing the mattress on the floor with Clarke gave her butterflies? Lexa stop. She was sure of one thing though, and that was that Clarke was definitely tense at the fact she was being forced to share with the brunette.

"I can uh.. I can sleep on the couch?" Lexa suggested.

The blonde turned to face her and gave her a warm smile. "No way, I wont let you sleep alone". I don't want to sleep alone.

"Okay" She didn't protest. Being close to Clarke was all she ever wanted.

Moments later the two found themselves tucked in bed on the mattress that laid on the floor. They both kept their distance though, not wanting to cross any lines.

As they settled Lexa began to whisper. "I cant believe you didn't put up a fight for your bed"

Clarke gave a toothy smile, but she knew Lexa couldn't see due to the darkness of the night. "They're bed hogs anyway, I'd much rather sleep next to you"

Now Lexa's face lit up with a glowing smile. She turned to face the blonde. The window was open, softly blowing the blinds back and forth. A big gust of wind forced a stream of the outside street lights shine onto Clarke's face for a few seconds. Lexa saw her smile. The blondes eyes were closed. She wasn't asleep. But she looked peaceful. Lexa felt her breath hitch at the sight. She's so breathtaking...literally.

"Clarke?"

"Mm?"

"You're very important to me"

Clarke opened her eyes and felt a swirl of warmth fill her body. "You're very important to me too, Lexa". Clarke wasn't sure if what she was about to do was okay. She wasn't sure if it was the wrong thing to do considering the previous events, but she couldn't help but search for Lexa's hand and entwine their fingers. It should feel wrong. But it doesn't. Oh It feels so right. "You're my best friend"

Lexa felt her cheeks burn and her smile grow. She squeezed Clarke's hand surprised at the sudden gesture. She wouldn't question her. She couldn't. Maybe I could live with just this. Just being with her this way makes me feel many things I've never felt before. She's a radiant warmth.

* * *

Lexa opened her eyes slowly. Something was covering her face but she wasn't awake enough to focus right now. Moments later the realization hit her as she felt weight pressed down onto her chest. Eyes wide open, she looks down. Clarke. She gulps. Lexa had woken up with Clarkes messy blonde hair covering her face as Clarke laid peacefully on her chest, her arms wrapper around Lexa tight, like they were scared to let go.

The brunettes brow furrows in confusion struggling to remember just how they ended up in such a position. Clarke must have wrapped around me in her sleep. She thinks that its wrong of her to let Clarke stay that way. She thinks maybe she shouldn't like the way Clarke's breasts feel pressed against her. The thought makes her squirm as her cheeks grow red and a desirable feeling lay at the pit of her stomach. Fuck. Lexa looks at where both Raven and Octavia lay. They were both slumped over each other, but not near as close as the way Clarke was to her.

She whispers. "Clarke"

The blonde shuffled a little, and even tightened her grip on the brunette.

"Clarke?" Lexa said again.

Clarke shuffled once more, a groan escaped her in response to Lexa's nagging.

"Clarke I need to pee". Lexa couldn't help but smile as she looked down at the sleepy blonde. "Clarke?"

Her eyes now barely open, she wasn't even half conscious. "Lexa?" Her voice croaky.

"I gotta pee, Clarke"

For a split second Lexa thought Clarke had fallen back to sleep in until the blonde squirmed and held Lexa tighter. "But you're warm"

Lexa's smile grew, but she never failed to blush. A mass of emotions held within her as she tries to maintain her feelings. I try so hard not to care for her as much as I do, but something always draws me back in and I'm left stranded in somewhat of a lonely place where my feelings are denied, my thoughts are only her but they're left unspoken, my dreams are only about her but they remain as a place strained far from reality, my desires are all her, but my desires remain the definition of pathetic and weak and I feel as if I'm not even living, but rather just surviving.

* * *

The school dance was coming up this Friday and Clarke was still undecided. "Do you guys think I should go?"

"Didn't Ontari ask you?" Octavia questioned.

"Yes, but.."

"But what?" Raven cut in. "You're still hung up on Lexa and you're living a pathetic life drooling over her and pretending you're well over her when in reality you're thinking of marriage arrangements and names for your children?"

"Fuck you, Reyes" Clarke stormed her way off to art class. She knew Raven was just Raven but this is different. Isn't it?

Raven turned to Octavia, with a slight feeling of guilt entering her body. "Was it something I said?"

Clarke was In deep thought as she walked quite furiously to her class.

I'm suffocating. Raven is right, though... I can't get her off my mind. I let her in. I was hurt but I forgave her. I forgave her because it's easier having Lexa around as my friend than not at all. I've never let anyone under my skin the way I let, Lexa. I keep telling myself I was a fool but my heart still wants to believe that Lexa and I could actually have something but my mind knows that friends are all we'll ever be. Lexa doesn't want me in the way that I want her, she isn't one for commitment and I get that, I really do.

Just as Clarke was about to turn the corner she heard a familiar voice call her name. Looking around to try and figure out where the voice came from, she found Ontari smirking and making her way in her direction.

"Hey, Ontari" Clarke smiled. "I was just on my way to class"

"I was just about to ditch and organize a gig at a well known bar tonight, they're looking for a band but I need to get in quick. Me and the girls are grabbing lunch after, wanna come?"

The blonde shook her head. "No thanks, I really need to get my art project done, I'm sorry"

Ontari's daring smirk reached down and grabbed Clarke's hand. "I guess I can't deny a beautiful girl like you her wishes" It was cheesy, but Ontari didn't even care. She liked Clarke, a lot.

Was it guilt that she felt? The way Ontari had hold of her hand was unlike the way Lexa's felt. Lexa's felt right, it felt like warmth, comfort and happiness, it ignited the flame that burnt within her heart that would only illuminate with the thought of Lexa. Ontari's hand? It felt cold.

The blonde smiled. But I can't keep the those thoughts of Lexa stopping me from moving on. I need to let go of those concepts of Lexa and focus on the real world. Focus on me. "We're still on for the dance this Friday, right?"

Ontari winked and inched closer to Clarkes face. The blondes heart was beating rapidly. Not like the way Lexa made it beat but in such a way that felt almost wrong, Clarke was frightened of the cold feeling that vibed from Ontari's being. Clarke turned her face so Ontari kissed her cheek rather than her lips. The blonde felt a little embarrassed, now thinking Ontari will know she isn't interested in the way she wants her to be.

The grunge girl gave a small grin. "Tease"

Maybe Ontari is oblivious.

* * *

"Okay that's totally not fair, Lexa!" Clarke playfully protested. "You cheat"

"Clarke it's not my fault you aren't as talently skilled at video games as I am" She smirked.

"This is stupid"

"Its only stupid because you suck"

"Shut up" Clarke giggled as she hit Lexa with the cushion.

"Excuse me? Did you just hit the commander?"

"Commander? I thought you didn't like that name?"

"It's growing on me" Lexa smiled. Genuinely smiled. And god Clarke loved that smile. It was something only reserved for her. She never saw Lexa smile that way with anyone else. It was refreshing. Clarke felt important. Lexa made her feel special. Like she was the sun, the moon and every star that existed. And friends aren't meant to make you feel that way.

"Lexa?"

"Mmm?" She hummed in response.

"I'm hungry"

"What do you want to eat? I don't think we have much food here, Anya and I still need to go shopping. Do you want to order in?"

"Sure, as long as it's not Pizza" Clarke sighed. Her head now leaning on Lexa's shoulder.

"Ouch, what did Pizza ever do to you?" The brunette smiled adoringly once again, at Clarke.

"All we eat is Pizza when Octavia is around, I swear that girl will turn into a Pizza one day"

"Fine, do you want to order from Grounders?" Lexa asked. Her eyes looking innocently into Clarkes blue orbs.

"YES" Clarke jerked up in excitement. "I want 10 grounder pounders"

"Okay fatty" Lexa laughed, her hand subconsciously landing on Clarke's thigh. Both girls looked at each other, trying their best to play it off as nothing. Lexa awkwardly moved her hand.

"Sorry we can't all have abs like you, Lexa" Clarke rolled her eyes and smiled. She struggled to refrain from any thoughts about Lexa's toned body enter her mind. Although Lexa's goddess like body was right in front of her, Clarke often had to peel her eyes away from the way Lexa's tight shirts would fit her body perfectly and the way her biceps flexed at the most simplest of actions. The blonde also often thought about the tattoo that Lexa had on her arm, she had always been intrigued by the piece of art. Maybe that's why Lexa is so addicting to Clarke. She is art.

But not art that I'm able to call mine.


	17. Authots Note

Sorry guys I will only be updating this fic on ao3


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